Julie A. Fast Mild Psychosis 2018
Do I look ‘normal’ to you? Of course I do. My illness is internal. My face looks fine. I’m not #manic, so my eyes look fine. My skin is ok. My face is a little red due to medications, but overall you would never know that I’m dealing with mild #psychotic #paranoia today.
Everything in my life is going well. Everything. Years of hard work to reach my dreams are finally paying off and I can say that life is good. And yet, I’m sitting here almost crying from the psychosis that simply won’t leave me alone.
My psychosis is usually paranoia.
Paranoia is a delusion. A delusion is a false belief that tells me lies that feel real. That is the best way to describe paranoia. When someone is psychotic with paranoid thoughts, please know that they are not in denial of what is happening. The thoughts and feelings are so real that it is simply a part of living for the person. When you are dressed or manic, there is usually behavior that the outside world can see. There are signs that a person is ill.
Paranoia is silent. It will not show up in our body language or eyes at the beginning. In many ways, we live in our heads and still get on with life so well that people are shocked if the paranoia is actually vocalized.
1. The government has known about chem trails for decades and nothing is being done. We are being poisoned from the sky every day and no one will tell the truth.
When you try to talk rationally to the person, it will NEVER work as the paranoid belief is so strong, it’s unshakable
“Honey, the trails after planes are condensation formations that appear behind all jets depending on the weather and visibility. This can be water or ice crystals.”
You have been brainwashed to think this. Those are chemicals.
2. I can’t keep working at my new office. People are standing in groups making fun of me when I eat lunch. I can hear part of what they are saying and I heard my name few times.
“Honey, could they be wondering if you want to join them? Maybe they want to ask you to have lunch with them, but aren’t sure if you want to be a part of their group?”
Mom, that is what you always say. I know the feeling. It’s just like at my last job. They talk about me. I am different. Smarter. They simply can’t accept this and won’t allow me into their obvious clique.
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If I don’t treat my paranoia from minute ONE, this is what happens.
My paranoid psychosis is always people related at first. I’m positive and believe me, I mean that I feel this 100% and it’s hard to shake- positive that I am doing something wrong and that I don’t fit it. No matter how often people praise me or include me, my brain tells me that I’m an outsider. This then leads to my being suspicion and looking for clues as to what people really feel. Did they smile at me differently? Did they say hi to others and not me? Who you have paranoia, especially if it’s attached to depression or dysphoric mania, you WILL ruin your relationships.
If the psychosis increases, I start to hallucinate and will see faces where there are no faces and cars following me when there are no cars behind me.
I’m not coaching at this time in order to write a book for couples. My goal is to teach what I have shared with clients for almost a decade. If you have paranoia and want to work, the paranoia must be treated with a program such as The Health Cards or one that works for you. It will not go away on its own.
Cannabis and Paranoia
The worst thing I have experienced in the past few years around my paranoid psychosis is a psychotic episode from the THC in today’s cannabis. If you have psychosis, avoid weed. I will not even use pure CBD as the psychosis still flares. Then, when the psychosis is gone, you can test the cannabis. For myself, my latest trial with hemp based CBD and then flower CBD led to more psychosis.
Take care of yourself. If you love someone who is paranoid, anti psychotic medications work. The side effects are rough, but in terms of being able to function in life, it’s a trade off that many people can accept.
Do you have psychosis? Get help. It’s hard to live with the beliefs paranoia puts in our heads. We need relief.
And one final point. If you have bipolar only, the psychosis will be with mania or depression. If you have psychosis when you are not manic or depressed, this is a separate psychotic disorder and the official diagnosis is schizoaffective.
