Situations that others can handle with a bit of stress are often impossible for me to handle.
Relationship issues that others can talk through, forget or forgive are not something I can live with as other people can.
Bipolar disorder tells me what I can and can’t handle and I have to listen to this illness if I want to stay as stable as possible.
I have left many relationships that my other friends could have tolerated.
I have said no to more work projects than those where I say yes.
I have walked away from book deals that were not going well. At great detriment to my finances.
That is life with bipolar. My goal is stability. This means I have to walk away from many situations that the stable people in my life can navigate with relative ease.
It is never in my favor to do this professionally or financially. Walking away always comes with significant personal loss.
I can accept this reality or fight it. I don’t get to work full time. I can’t be in relationships that are contentious. I can’t say yes to ‘great opportunities.’
Everything I do takes bipolar into account. Are there some people with bipolar who don’t have to live this way? Some. But the majority of us have to treat bipolar first.
The trade off isn’t fair. I hate it. But I am alive. Living with a serious mental health disorder isn’t fun. No chronic illness is fun!
But….the result is that I have at least 80% less mood swings than I used to. That is amazing!
The goal is to find peace in myself so that I can get on with life. I am SO much better now than in the past. The torment is gone. My relationships are solid. I do well on the work I am able to do.
The alternative is mood swings. I walk away when I have to. I choose the Stable Life.
