As many of you know- one of my greatest regrets of the past few years is that I could not date due to panic attacks, OCD and a lovely dash of psychosis- this often leads a person to spend time with someone who is not the right someone! Dating was just too stressful for my bipolar disorder. Note that I say it was too stressful for the bipolar. What is so frustrating is that the real me under all of the mood swings is not all that stressed out by life situations. But unless it’s treated daily- bipolar wins.
I have worked diligently for the past few years to learn how to manage this stressful reaction to dating in a few specific ways. Here are two:
1. I decided to become celibate so that I could relate to men without feeling nervous or worried that I might have to go out with them when I didn’t want to (how about that odd idea!) – or that they would stare at me and not ask me out- or that I didn’t know what to say- or that I made mistakes- or that the mania would make me do something I would regret. A true vow of celibacy for a year changed me profoundly. I highly suggest it.
2. I also realized that the person under all of the anxiety and other symptoms actually has had many excellent relationships with men over a lifetime. It’s just that I met most of them when I was manic! I no longer let mania go too far, so that took out that dating technique. haha. I knew that this meant that I had to relearn how to interact with men in a dating situation so that I was not responding in the way bipolar was making me respond.
These are just two of my techniques for dating. It has worked. How about that! We can change. Panic attacks and other frustrating, uncomfortable and seemingly endless bipolar disorder symptoms can be managed. Sometimes we can change with one decision- at other times it make take years. Who cares. That important thing is that we keep trying.
I will keep you posted on my dating life. I will save you all of my stressful thinking- I save that for my journal!
I am very interested to hear your dating stories and how you cope! Julie
I have been celibate for 3 years now. I was in a “relationship” with a man for 3 1/2 years but he refused to call it a relationship. He maintained that we were “just friends”. I decided this was not going to work for me and broke it off. The next man I started seeing said he, too, wanted to be “just friends”. This was when I decided to swear off men. I have a tendency to get caught up in the excitement and jump into bed with a man too soon so instead I decided it was best to just not even go there. It wasn’t my intention for it to be 3 years but I have yet to find a man that is willing to get to know me first. I get lonely sometimes I admit, but not as lonely as I feel when I’m waiting for a return phone call and the phone doesn’t ring, or when I don’t see the man I care for, for several days and have to wonder what he’s doing. For me, this is the best choice and it has given me the chance to get to know who I am, what I want from a man and what I’m willing to give. It’s been the best thing that could have happened to me.
Hi Melissa,
We all deserve to be with people who are dependable- and that is especially true for people with bipolar disorder. We thrive on stability- and someone who gives you the run around is a danger to stability!
The right people call when they say they will call- ask you out like a normal person and are there if you need them. We can’t judge all dates by the less than stellar people out there in the world, but instead by the good ones that can happen once we are aware of who is a good person to spend time with! Julie
Fantastic…so happy for you…enjoy
Thanks! It’s a long journey- but as I always say- the time is going to pass anyway= we might as well make the most of it!!! Julie
Fantastic…so happy for you…enjoy PS You deserve it