Plans Can Change: We Can Deal with It.
I am very proud of myself…
It’s good to write that sentence! Going out on the weekends if very important to me. I plan carefully and always have something to do with friends. I really enjoy going out with my brother Ed. As many of you know, my brother is a great guy who causes me a lot of stress. I think I’ve dealt with it very well over the past year. Last night, there was a problem with his ID so he was not able to come into the bar where I was waiting. We were going to watch the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship) on pay per view- so I got there early to get us seats. I always do that to save myself the stress of worrying where we will sit. ( I get so tired of myself.)
I walked outside and he said that he couldn’t get in- I said, “Did you ask the bouncer?” He sarcastically said, “Of course I did!” So I turned around and went back inside to get my purse so that we could go to karaoke. My whole point of the evening was to be with him, so missing the UFC was not a big deal to me.
When I got back outside. He was gone. I looked for him up and down the street. I couldn’t imagine where he had gone. It was odd! Then I called him on his phone and he said, “I could tell you were disgusted with me by the expression on your face, so I left.”
Holy you know what! I have never had someone do that. Ever. Even with a person you’re dating they will at least say- “I’m leaving!” He just left. Of course I know this has nothing to do with me. I am not someone to get angry and walk off and stay in a club and leave my brother outside. I really was just going to get my purse.
Then I felt the wave of depression drop over me. I thought, “He has done it again. Why do I let him upset me? Why does he always do this? What am I going to do now?” And the bipolar started talking to me. You probably know what it says! And I started to cry a bit. That was a really rotten thing he did!
I had options- to go watch a basketball game with a friend- to go to karaoke, etc. But it all felt so depressing as I had the evening all planned out.
People with bipolar need a LOT of structure.
I have worked for many years on how to handle each situation- even when my plans turn upside down. So, I said to myself, “Julie, this is no big deal. Go back inside and stay there and let Ed be who he is. You are fine.” And that is what I did and I had a wonderful time! Just wonderful! I met people and actually got over some of my social awkwardness.
This would not have been possible in the past. I have learned to fight off the bipolar monster and it has changed my life for the better.
Believe it or not, for the first time that I can EVER remember, my brother came up to me today and said, “I would like to apologize for leaving last night. I think I was just projecting my mood on you. I know you would not walk back into the club and just leave me.”
Wow! All of us can change! And when the depression started today- I just kept going and I feel fine again.
We can do it. No matter where you are starting from- if you make a plan now to get better, you can.
Julie
UPDATE: My brother is back on his meds and the difference is astounding. Simply astonishing. He was off for six months- and finally realized he was hurting others and personally miserable. I so very much admire him!
Brilliant, Julie! I would not have been so strong. Your self-talk is wonderful.
When my plans are upset, it is a major task for me to adjust. I just hate it when things don’t go the way I hoped. It can put me into a real moody mess! Being flexible and thinking on my feet is horribly difficult.
Hi Paul,
It is defintely years and years of work. I have to break through the mood swing in the moment or I will never be able to function. But it doesn’t always work- I remember many times where I was just filled with sadness and worry and it came out and freaked out friends! Now I keep it in around others and save it for the right people. Now that my depression is better, I don’t go through such agony! It really is a bipolar thing- we have to remember this! Julie
I would have left too. Seriously. I wasn’t there so I could not say for sure, but if you did look upset or disgusted or whatever and did go back inside without telling a word, I would have left. Why didn’t you at least say a few words to him along the lines of “OK, I’m gonna go get my purse”? I guess people think we can be highly unpredictable (and can be right about it) and your brother just went for the worst hypothesis: she ditched me, time for plan B. Now if your brother is the guy in the picture, why would the bouncer ask him for an ID. Isn’t it obvious that he is above 18 or even 21? Why would he bounce him? That would never happen here in Europe.
Hi Bruno! We were going to a UFC fight and everyone gets carded. The laws in the states are stringent! I just put an update on the post. My brother went back on his meds and the change is phenominal. I am proud of him- our lives have changed for the better- it only took about a week for them to start working and within a month he was back to himself. I can’t imagine family life without Lamictal- my mom, Ed and I take it daily. I know that many people want to manage this illness without meds- I had to for years- but I know that many of us have to take them.
You ask why I didn’t talk to him that night- it’s because my anxiety and depression were so strong I would have cried. Now that my depression is so much better- I would say something without a problem.
Thanks for your comment! Julie
Bipolar people need structure…..I’m learning!
Hi Anne,
I simply can’t survive without structure. It was my mom’s birthday today- and we had to run around a bit and then decide what to eat etc, and I go anxious and just sat down to watch soccer while everyone else took care of the evening!
OMGosh that is the most amazing story… true story! Yay for you Julie and your brother. That is fantastic. I’m so excited for you. Big big hugs for you.
Thank you Judy! Here is the amazing news- Ed went back on Lamictal a few months ago and is literally a new person. Everything has changed- he is calm, fun, working better, sleeping, etc etc. I told him I would no longer be in his life if he didn’t take his meds- and he took them right then. He was better in a WEEK. I’m glad you liked the post! Julie