Here is what I’ve learned regarding bipolar disorder and work.
1. It’s hard to work when you have mood swings. So, decreasing the mood swings with a treatment plan (I use my Health Cards system and my books to remind myself how to help myself!) will help you work more.
2. Bipolar Disorder mood swings can be productivity killers. Especially the ADHD components of the illness. Mania is seemingly great for productivity- but only if you can harness it into real work!
3. Work abililty may not get better, but YOUR ability to work around your mood swings and the other odd stuff that bipolar throws at you can get much, much better.
So, here I am.
I was diagnosed in 1995. Didn’t get relief from meds- in fact they made me worse as I was given anti depressants like candy! When I created the Health Cards, I was able to work a lot more- but still only part time. Then, in 2002 I found my calling- eBooks. I know, that was a long time ago. BipolarHappens.com was the first site on the web to sell self help eBooks! Times have certainly changed.
But I digress. Here is why my title to this blog post is so true… I’m 47 and there is a still a HUGE part of me that believes my bipolar work issues are going to just go away one day. Becuase of this, I’m way too hard on myself when I can’t ‘get my act together.’ Nine years of hard work to finally realize- this is it! I think I’m at my work apex in terms of bipolar- in other words, all I can do (and it’s what I now do) is work around my mood swings and do my best. I never have trouble with appointments such as with my coaching clients, but it’s the nebulous stuff I find hard! Thus, one of my tips is to have places you must be and clients you must see. It’s not about quality of work at all!
I am lucky if I can work 25 hours a week. You probably think I work more! I just do all I can on the days when work is pretty easy. Today, bipolar is being kind to me and I’m going to work as much as possible!
I hope to offer encouragement to all people with bipolar disorder: we CAN work, we just have to find out what WORKS BEST for us!
Julie
Your comments on this topic are particularly timely for me, Julie. I was in a minor fender bender on March 21 – well, minor for my car but not so minor for me! I’ve been unable to return to teaching and, as a result, won’t be able to finish up the school year.
I’m discovering that there are some silver linings to this particular cloud. I’ve decided to look into other careers, for one. The collaborative setting of teaching just doesn’t seem to be working well for me. To that end, I’m working with a life coach in Centerville, Virginia – and you know him, Julie. Jayson Blair. What a treat – Jayson can practically finish my sentences! It is so great to find someone who truly knows what it’s like to live with bipolar disorder! He also referred me to a psychiatrist who is very knowledgeable about bipolar; I saw him yesterday and was impressed. He’s tweaking my meds a bit to get my moods more stabilized and to, hopefully, diminish the depression I’m feeling. Looking back over the past year, I’ve realized that most of the time I was depressed, with occasional hypomanic phases.
So right now, while I’m unable to work, I’m making improving myself my job. I cannot accomplish all that I want to, and that’s hard on me. It takes about six times as long to finish a task now than it was before.
I’ve also learned that it is SO much easier to throw myself into a project, or to help someone else, than it is to address my own issues. I was hospitalized at a psychiatric hospital for six days, and was released only last week. I thought I was so ready to go home, but boy, there are times when I really wonder if I was! I have to keep reminding myself to take baby steps and write shorter “to-do” lists!
I continue to be astounded at the impact of my own illness on those around me. I really dislike being so vulnerable, to have my illness so public. I mean, I prefer being in control – I had three children without anesthetics because I didn’t want to lose control! But with bipolar, the idea that I can be in control all the time is rather laughable. I can’t and I really dislike that part of the illness.
I’m rambling and tired – think it’s the new meds – so I’ll end this. Take care!
Sandra
Julie, your comment that follows really struck me and I felt the resistance come up as well: “Thus, one of my tips is to have places you must be and clients you must see. It
Hello Patti,
Oh yes, I understand! I know that I MUSt have something planned in the morning in order to make my day go well. If I wake up and things are nebulous, I start to float and can lose hours of productivity.
Working when you’re depressed is tough. Have you read Get it Done When You’re Depressed? I still use all of the tips in there myself. My goal is to have my depression go away one day- but until then, I need my strategies.
Your decision to change is an inspiration. Julie
Thanks for your understanding, Julie!! Yes, nebulous is familiar and good description. When like that, it’s also like half-asleep/half awake, in a sort of fantasy land sometimes. I’ve been doing visualizations and meditating for several years, advised to do first thing in a.m. But these types of inner activities (where I’m not physically up and doing something) don’t support my productive well-being . . . rather they often lead (or at least the energy I give them) to falling back asleep.
Ya know, the brutal truth of this lethargic way of waking is that I’ve liked it. I get something out of it, e.g., fulfilled desire to be lazy and just stay in comfort of my “little world” (in bed, in dreams, in passing the hours away without outside pressures). I’ve indulged in it for years. It feels good to lie there and drift. But the other side of it is that it’s a secret I keep, don’t want anyone to know about and feel ashamed of/embarrassed about. And, as the years go by, my supposed priorities and goals, e.g., like writing a book, are mostly a fantasy and not a reality.
Miraculously, even in the midst of this years-long pattern with such a cloud hanging over, especially in a.m. and often in mid-afternoon when it’s very tempting to take naps (and I’ve given in to it many times), I lead a generally very fulfilling and love-filled life. The last year has been my most amazing year ever in spirit, happiness, inner love, financially, engaged in my new living environment, etc. Like your work, mine is to write and speak about my triumps and sorrows in this depression journey with intention of being of service to others in their journey “home.” There’s been a positive aspect to all the times I’ve spent home alone in “inner dialog,” writing, visualizing, meditating, etc. that often provides a fulfilling spiritual aspect of life.
I was attracted to Get it Done When You
age 43 daughter in largely hypomanic and aggrieved sensibility. Trying to reach and re-motivate the real person. Thoughts on how the following missive might be received?
What will matter
Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things that you collected, whether treasured or forgotten will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will finally expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won
I keep having the same problem as you; thinking that somehow the BP is just going to go away. Every time my mood swings, I’m still surprised about it. You would think I would learn to expect these things, but I don’t.