Reader Question: Depression

Here is an excellent question from Julie- I’ve asked this question of myself many times:

I like your blogs… all the advice about keeping a positive attitude, keep busy, think about the positives in live… I know I need to do those things but what if I don’t want to? One little (ok, not so little) thing made me sad today and now all of life seems pointless & not worth doing. I’ve been up since 4am & now I’m just waiting to get tired so I can sleep through the day & not have to take care of my kids, fix lunch, take a shower, or go to church (which I KNOW I need). “Stay strong,” people say, but what if I don’t want to?

Hi Julie,

That is the language of depression talking. I think that way all of the time. First of all, people who tell a depressed person to stay strong are doing so out of what they consider kindness, but to be very honest, it’s quite ignorant! This is a serious illness and telling us to stay strong is just not helpful at all!

All of my books address the language of bipolar disorder- what we say- do and think. And it’s the same for all of us because it’s an illness! If you don’t have the Health Cards- you can visit www.bipolarhappens.com to view a free depression health card- it’s in the middle of the page- it’s a PDF file. That will let you see that we all talk this way.

When I say that I stay positive, get things done and focus on staying busy- it’s because my brain is so nasty and unhappy for a large part of the time that I have to counteract it with a lot of tools. My book Get it Done When You’re Depressed is 100% about this topic- as I didn’t want to live or do anything for quite a while. Nothing seems important especaily the mundane parts of life such as doing the dishes or taking a bath when you’re depressed.

But it is ALL important. Life is about those things. I won’t let depression take away my pleasure of the little things. It tries.

I had a GOOD day yesterday. Things went well and I went to bed happy. This is all because of the years I’ve put in on saying no to the crappy thoughts of this illness. All of what you talk about: take care of my kids, fix lunch, take a shower, or go to church – is extremely important- the depression is just stronger than the good stuff right now.

You don’t have to want to stay strong- in fact- forget about that completely! What matters is that you talk back to depression, tell it to leave you alone and then do all you can to make it go away. When you feel better- it’s like there is light in your life again and the dark weight that is on your body can at least life enough for you to take another action so that you can move forward a little more.

My book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder has a chapter called the Bipolar Conversation- I think your family and friends would get a lot from it! I can’t do this without the ideas in my books. I read them when I get sick. It’s too hard to manage bipolar disorder without a lot of tools.

Depression is an illness and it can be treated successfully.

Julie

Here’s another reply to the question from Sandra:
Wow, does Julie’s letter bring back memories! I had three little ones to take care of by myself and it was really tough at times. Fortunately, I had very supportive friends who taught me to call and ask for some help.

Sometimes, I just needed company while I did dishes or watched our children play together. Other times, we’d clean something, fold laundry – those mundane tasks that get so burdensome to me when I’m depressed! I learned from my friends that I tend to isolate myself when I’m depressed, and that it’s harder to stay depressed (for me, anyway) when I’m out with people. Even something as basic as grocery shopping with my kids could help me.

My three children have watched me learn to cope with bipolar illness. When life seemed to deal me more than I could handle, I also learned to call in professional help – my psychiatrist or therapist. It was (and is) important to me that my children see me managing healthy ways of coping. Julie’s books have also helped me learn when it’s “bipolar depression talking” and what to do to overcome those times. I’ve learned to do little things for myself that make me happy, too!

Sandra