A good night….

I’m well tonight!

Normally I would write that sentence: I’m not sick tonight! but I’m going to be positive this evening.

It always amazes me how normal it is to be normal. I sort of just do things without thinking about them. When the bipolar disorder is going strong- which is about 85% of the time (I chart my moods so that % is pretty accurate!) I often have to struggle and grasp and gasp to keep going. But when I’m well like I am tonight, things are just so much more simple. I can be alone with ease. I make dinner. I read and write my blog. I can DO things. Do you think anyone can understand what I mean unless they have bipolar? I don’t think so! People take the normal stuff for granted. Getting up without thinking your life is pointless is how most people live. I’d like to be most people- believe me!

If you care about someone with bipolar disorder, you know how we struggle with the basics. It’s a part of the illness. I am always reminded of this when I have an evening like tonight. I just exist and get on with my life. Nothing is running through my head and I’m not filled with doom and gloom or excessive excitement.
It’s NICE. I remember when I created the Health Cards (my treatment system) – I realized it was extremely important for me to create a Health Card that listed what the normal me was like- how I thought and acted and what I said when I wasn’t in a mood swing, so that I could remember this when I got sick.

It changed my life!

Julie

tehenita

June 15, 2009 at 9:30 am

Hi Julie, I really know what you mean. I do have those times too when things are just “normal”, but I too would love for people to uderstand how hard it is during the majority of the time. I used to use a mood chart, but I stopped because I felt it made me think even more about myself, but lately, I have been wanting to start again. I just need to decide which chart to use. If you have a suggestion, I would love to hear it. I do journal most every day, so I keep track of things, and feelings that way, which I think is good. I always appreciate reading your blog, and of course your books, which I always refer back to. It’s nice that someone with bipolar writes books etc. It’s so much better than someone who only has clinical knowledge. I like the real knowledge, and help you give. Thanks so much!!!

Hi Tehenita,

First of all, I love your posts on BP Magazine.

You have good timing- I’m going to do a blog entry on my mood swing chart system with a link to the chart as well as pictures of how I use the chart. I just need to get it organized!

I agree that it can be a bit obsessive to chart your mood all of the time- I just use it to monitor the mood swings so that can learn my triggers- it has helped so much. I get obsessive in my journal- ha ha! Julie