When my former and much loved partner Ivan got sick, it happened very, very quickly. There were small signs for weeks that we missed- but that’s understandable and no one had ever even heard of bipolar disorder in my family.
We knew something was wrong on the day of his 21st birthday party.
He looked different- his eyes were wide and his face was very illuminated. He talked constantly and had very strong opinions on things he had never found interesting in the past. He told me how to parallel park my car and he didn’t drive!
We laughed because it was all so crazy. What was he doing? He’s a fun and interesting guy, but all of this talking and disagreeing and telling us his ‘genius’ ideas was not like him at all. When it became bizarre, we knew something was wrong.
That was the first night of an eight month journey of hospital stays, court visits, medication side effects, relationship fears and unbelievable stress.
When my coaching clients ask me how I understand them so well, I can always say: I have been there!
One day I was in the back yard with Ivan. It was so sunny and we were sitting by a little pond my brother had built for fish. Ivan was in between hospitalizations, but it still wasn’t him sitting there. I was so naive. He couldn’t really have a conversation he was so manic and psychotic. I remember looking at his face and thinking-
Where are you Ivan? Are you in there? Where have you gone? Will you ever come back?
It makes you wonder about the essence and soul of a person if an illness can so completely take over their mind.
This story has a very good ending. Ivan recovered from this episode and never had a psychotic/manic episode until 13 years later. The picture above is him on the beach in Cannes, France.
If you love someone with this illness, it can get better. It usually does. Ivan is proof!
Julie
PS: Ivan and I are still good friends. He is now living in France working in a job he loves. He lives with bipolar disorder of course. It’s still there. Reality is reality!
I dont know if i have a bipolar disorder but am 20yrs old and i cant remember really good times in my life i do remember not caring for other and getting upset very fast over little things and as i gotten older now 20yrs old its gotten a lot worse i constantly hurt the people i care about with rude comments and i too have strong opinions about insignificant things i dont know what i have maybe am just an angry person or maybe i am bipolar i really dont know…
Dear Jennifer,
Maximum a psychiatrist may give you the diagnosis and even s/he may be wrong. Their are quite a few “anomolies” with similar symptoms especially since you’re so young. Your GP may have an idea since you might have seen this doctor for whatever reason more often. Good advice is to read a lot, many bipolars love to read, a big advantage. You might as well be an exception since there is as always with everything no fixed rules and if there were one to four apply the fifth: Ignore them all and “go your own way” (Pretenders if I remember well
xxx,
P.
I recognize some symptoms and the reactions to the behavior by the people noticing, but such happenings can easily be caused by use of substances like alcohol, cannabis, cocaine and/or other drugs, prescribed by a doctor, over the counter, (i)llegally obtained or even grown by yourself. Many bipolars as well as some people having a mental state, a (wee) bit different than “normal” (define this word: I bet you can not) people. I, like probably most of fellow ‘enjoyers’ love the hypomanic phases and the trick is to not let it ‘rise’ to a full blown mania or even (much) worse psychosis. Occurred to me only once in a lifetime. I pray to God to keep it like that, without meds.
There is no normal. My husband has bipolar and his favorite quote is, ” we are all here because we’re not all there”. I, too, find hypomania to be where things mesh well. He’s alert and enjoying life, but not to an extreme and not making rash and dangerous decisions as he’s does during manic phases. He spends much more time depressed and just getting him out of bed is a huge undertaking. Let alone, shaved and showered. I love him through it all. I see glimpses of him through it all. My biggest fear is that I will lose those glimpses and in essence lose my husband.
Nichola are you not on meds at preseby time then? It’s jus my Psychiatrist told me I have to take a mood stabilizer Depakote to prevent me going manic in case a trigger happened in my life which would cause this. So how do you manage to be med free? I would love to hear about that please can you say please thank you
I only ever had one very manic period over 11yrs ago now, were I was sectioned and spent 6 weeks in a Mental Hospital, it seems that whenever something really good happens to me, that in itself sends me on up very high, and that first time, was because I had just got saved, become a born again Christian, a few months before it happened, and I was the happiest person I’d ever been in my whole life, I was put on Lithium and was on it for 5yrs, my GP weaned me of, I was med free myself for a few years until I began to decline and was given an anti depressant for a number of years, then another good news bolt came about last year, my Mum had said she would now, after a 3-4 year battle trying to get her to understand and realize that she couldnt take care of herself anymore, said she would finally live in a Nursing Home full time, well I elevated immediately, but not to the extremely high that I was sectioned with, just went up, I went straight back to my GP who lowered my antidep meds but then a few things came crashing in on me and I ended up taking myself to the hospital, and from there attending a 3month session in a Mental Clinic as an outpatient.
Today Im still on the mood stablizer, ive finished my time with the Mental Clinic as an outpatient but have appointments to keep with a CPN and a Psychiatrist regularly.
I would love to be med free, but they tell me its best to be on it ‘just in case’ something would pop up in my life again and cause me to go off the rails.
Ive often heard my husband say, ‘There is no ‘normal’ who is normal, define normal’ that cheers me up to no end.
Who is to say who is ‘normal’ really?
I find I can say I am normal when Im not being in a depressed state or a hypo state, then in between…Im normal..
I’d rather be higher than in them depths though, Ive read many a message saying just that.
Brie I hope your husband gets up out of there really fast, and soon, its a horrible place to be in, and much harder to get out of, I know Ive been there many times for many months at a time.
Lordbless you both.
Hi Maureen, Thanks for your kind letter. Happily, I was speaking of when my former partner Ivan was sick in 1994. We went through so much together. We were together for ten years and are still good friends. I wrote Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder about the time he was ill- and there was no help for me. Times have changed some- but not enough! Julie