Julie, I know you mention a lot to share this with family and friends Julie A. so that they can be more supportive…and I have. But I have to say for myself that I usually regret it. I find that who ever I am telling either finds it too heavy or later they will use it against me somehow and then that compounds the emotional roller coaster that I may already be on. What am I doing wrong?
First off, you are assuming you are doing something wrong. That means you tend to turn on yourself when others disappoint you. I am exactly the same. Work on that part of yourself first. The Four Agreements book really helped me with this, though it is often a struggle for those of us who tend towards depression and paranoia.
You are doing nothing wrong. You are expecting the people in your life to know what to do. How you tell the story truly matters. Here is an example.
Hi guys. As you may know, there is an illness shared by millions and millions of people around the world called bipolar disorder. It’s a genetic illness that affects a person’s ability to regulate moods. I have bipolar disorder and would love to talk with you more about the illness if you are interested. If you find this is too much for you, just let me know and we can find other topics to talk about. If you would like to know how you can help me find stability so that I can be a great friend and family member let me know.
Family and friends are not wired to automatically help an ill person. They don’t know what to do. Much of the rejection I see is fear. “I don’t know what to say, so I will say nothing.” Then, the prejudices they were raised with come to the front and they latch on to them as they feel guilty about doing nothing. Family is genetic, but your chosen family can be from a group of people who do understand you. It doesn’t mean you cut out the people who don’t understand. Let them be who they are. But from now on, cultivate friends who do want to understand.
Julie
The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar addresses this dilemma when it comes to asking for help in managing mood swings.
