Julie, I see so many posts of where they self sabotage themselves and sabotage their family.
MY ANSWER: Helplessness and lack of insight are natural symptoms of the illness. Self help is a luxury of the stable people of the world. Many of us with bipolar experience such intense mood swings, we are simply gasping for air and trying to survive. Even when we DO get a diagnosis, the treatment required for us to stay stable feels monumental and insurmountable when we are sick.
For example, we KNOW that depression responds very, very well to taking action such as going on a walk, going to a good health care professional, taking meds or being around people. I have it written down in a book that people can read and use for less than the cost of a meal. People on the outside looking in often think, “There is help out there dude! Read Julie’s book! What is wrong with you!”
But this is not how it works. People with bipolar are often caught in a selfish trap that comes from being sick. The illness tells us we don’t need help when we are manic and then when we are depressed, we often isolate and refuse help. NONE of it makes sense. It catches me out regularly. I wrote the darn book and on some days it’s hard for me to remember what to do.
This is why I stress having a management plan in place for when we get sick. I work on my bipolar intensively when I am WELL. Most wait until a crisis hits. This is normal human behavior.
I see this a lot online. People will post about how sick they are and how they need help and yet there is NO sign they are actually doing something about it. Of course this is frustrating. Many who are talking more than doing when it comes to mental health often have more than bipolar disorder to deal with. When you see someone falling apart regularly online or see someone who is self sabotaging, lashing out at others, complaining, acting paranoid or simply being mean, there is usually something more than bipolar involved such as another illness, substance abuse or an external trigger.
Please know that bipolar disorder is episodic. If you see someone having regular posts that are kind and informative and suddenly there is a flurry of out of character posts where the person is ranting and raving and then… the posts are suddenly gone and the person says he went to the hospital. That is a typical bipolar pattern. If you see someone complain consistently- or throw their loved ones under the bus consistently- and the posts stay up and the person is consistent over time with this complaining and lack of self awareness, this is usually not bipolar disorder.
I like the book High Tide Low Tide: A Caring Friend’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder for friends and siblings who want to better understand the illness and why it is hard for some of us to ask for help.
My book Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder is for partners who want to better understand why someone would self sabotage and not get help when help is so readily available.
Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder explains bipolar in general and has a chapter on how to get help for a loved one.
For those who want to understand more of the brain workings behind bipolar, I love the book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Bipolar Disorder by Dr. Jay Carter.
