Bipolar Disorder and Friendship
I lost many of my friends when I was really ill with bipolar disorder.
That was over 10 years ago. When I started to get better through using my treatment plan 24 freaking hours a day! I thought carefully about the things I needed to change and learn in order to become a good friend. Here is my biggest suggestion if you want to do the same:
If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything. This is a great place to start when you want to make friends. No one likes negativity. No one wants to hear how rotten your life is. I used to be super negative and I always complained about how terrible it is to have bipolar disorder. Now I just go with the flow on the simple things- don’t like the meal you’re eating? Gauge the situation before you complain. Think the movie you’re watching sucks? Well, maybe the people you’re with are actually enjoying the movie.
Complaining is selfish. I was selfish.
I learned to change instead of complaining all of the time.
It took many years of practice to end a lifetime of negative comments, but these days I’m pretty much positive in what I say no matter where I am. I’m often raging on the inside- miserable and lonely on the inside- or just feel like screaming at how stupid people are!!!!! But I keep it to myself and only let it out when it’s appropriate.
People appreciate this. When I really do have a problem- they know I’m not just being negative. This makes for a strong friendship.
Julie
PS: When my friend Karen and I are at karaoke and people are being really dumb, we are allowed to yell and be negative as long as we keep it at our table. 🙂 Ha Ha
Hey Julie!
I amj realizing that when I meet people I always end up talking about my Bipolar Disorder. It’s not really that I’m negative about it but it always comes up. I’m not sure if I’m using it as an excuse for not doing everything I thought I would. Or maybe to receive kudos about doing as much as I do even with a disability. I like the fact that I don’t hide my illness and am not afraid to talk about it to others. However I have come to realize that I can’t seem to talk to someone without my illness coming up. What do you think?
– Melissa –
Hi Julie,
You look like your having so much fun in photo, good on ya!!!! Im writing about the post for what type of Bipolar people have. My doctor is lovely but he doesnt think its necessary to tell me whether im Bipolar 1 or 2. I have been hospitalised with Mania afew times and once with Mania and Phychosis but this episode what brought on by a drug reaction! I was just wondering what you thought! I have been getting manic since i was 12. Thank you Julie for all your knowledge, your blog has given me a deep understanding of my illness and i treasure all your books. Especially get it done when your depressed and Bipolar Happens!!!! YOu are a amazing and i wish you nothing but health and Happiness like you have given all your blog followers. Keep up the good work!!!! Vicki
Hello Vicki,
Thanks for your kind words!
I respectfully disagree with your doctor. The diagnosis of Bipolar I or Bipolar II is important as the medications used to treat the two types are quite different. People with Bipolar I have to be watched for full blown mania- thus there is often a need for mood stabilizers or anti psychotics. People with Bipolar II are not at risk for full blown mania, thus they can get along with something like Lamictal as compared to Lithium. Naturally, both can be treated with any drug depending on severity. But the distinction between I and II is pretty clear. If you have been hosptialized for mania, you have bipolar I. Even if it was brought on by a drug reaction. Once you go full blown manic it becomes bipolar I.
I’m so glad the blog has helped. Thanks again, julie
Hi Julie,
Watching what you say is huge. I’m recovering from months of depression (I was WAY under-medicated!), and it’s always hard when I start to feel better. I’m able to look back and see how I’ve been acting – and sounding. I’m in a new job, which makes it worse to realize that I’ve sounded really, really negative. I think I’ve become pretty adept at “fake it ’til you make it”, but somehow I lost sight of that during my episode and wasn’t doing it, and could see how I was coming across by my Boss’ reaction. Fortunately, I’ve talked to her about some of what’s going on and I think she understands me more now. It feels like walking through cement sometimes, but it’s crucial to watch the tone of what you say if co-workers and friends are going to want to be around you.
Thanks,
Susan
You have just spoken straight to me.
I am in a Major Depressive Episode. The friend I thought could be my rock has told me she now needs space.
Other people keep throwing the Tough Love approach at me.
My boyfriend just continues his life without regard for me or what I need.
I am now in a bad place. I have ruined so much
Hello I loved this. I am one of those people that are always negative and complaining all the time and with everyone. No wonder don’t want to be around with me. It’s like a cycle..It makes me feel horrible therefore i hate the world and complain. but i think my complaining got me this way..I’ll have to put this to practice everyday and see if it helps..
I appreciate what I have read and I am on a slow journey to change the negative talk and also the art of trying to make friends again. I am finding challenging not having any friends and the ones I had became tired of the whining and the periods of isolation I was taking. I am very honest about the bipolar condition, which in many cases has halted potential friendships and love relationships as well. I truly want to come out and be a better person, but as stated previously I have a lot of work to do to attain this.
RE: Bipolar 1, Bipolar 2
RE: Medications for Bipolar 1, Bipolar 2
“Nothing in the field of mental health will do more good and reduce more harm than encouraging withdrawal from psychiatric drugs. The time is past when the focus in mental health was on what drugs to take for what disorders. Now we need to focus on how to stop taking psychiatric drugs and to replace them with more person-centered, empathic approaches. The goal is no longer drug maintenance and stagnation; the goal is recovery and achieving well-being.” – Peter Breggin, M,D., Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal: A Guide for Prescribers, Therapists, Patients and Families
Be well,
Duane