I recently wrote a post on how mania makes you hyper sexual. It’s normal- and it’s awful as it can lead to some really big mistakes: pregnancy, affairs, STD’s. Oh yes, many of us have gone through it all. Here is a comment from Palmer and my reply:
Hi Julie,
I used to have some of this behavior around men and sex, but I thought it was just youthful promiscuity and indiscretion. I hadn’t associated it with having bipolar disorder II, probably because I had only been diagnosed with depression at that point. This prompts a re-evaluation
Hi Palmer,
Sexual inhibition is 100% a part of all manias. It can be so hard to recognize as it is so impulsive and feels right in the moment. Many huge sexual mistakes are made when a person is manic. That is why knowing the signs that you’re getting hyper sexual is essential. For me, it’s wanting to drink, thinking that men look FANTASTIC! and walking up to strangers in bars. Just lovely! So I work hard to prevent it. I write about it in all of my bipolar books. We can’t be too hard on ourselves about the past- but we have to do everything possible to make sure it doesn’t wreck our futures.
Julie
My daughter left home eight months ago in the middle of the night. She now wants to come home to visit for the holidays. She is not taking her meds and not always making good decisions.
What can I do when she returns to encourage her to get help? I want to have a good visit and not stress her out but I would like to make some progress on getting her to stay home and get help. Any suggestions?
Julie,
I thought I was alone, and now I have a safe place.
Thank you
i am finally accepting my illness but am still embarrassed by it.this in itself causes extra problems for me.for years my family or i did not know that i actually was sick. for years i ailienated myself by acting out on bad behavior and my father hated me and told me i was a imp of hell,just like my mother.i am so tierd of being sick.
Catherine, when I was in my teens I acted out in many ways: smoking, drinking, and many other delinquent things that I will not list that could have got me into some real serious trouble. At that time I thought it was just a normal thing that I would grow out of and I pretty much did so. I learned to change what I could, but at times the illness would take over! I can tell you from my learning experiences that the easiest thing to do is accept that you have a illness, and it’s something that takes time to do. I was not diagnosed until I wound up in the hospital after crashing after a full blown case of mania when I was about 30. I also had to put up with a lot of physcological abuse when I was young from my mother: You’ll never amount to anything, why do you sleep so much, you’re lazy, and much more! I began to believe these things and it really made me very insecure for many years. Have faith and communicate with your doctors and therapists the best you can, I’m not talking about religous faith but I have known others that this has worked well for. I am now 48 and will tell you that you must constantly monitor how you feel so YOU can stay on top of things and if you’re feeling different talk to your doctors or someone that controls your medicines right away or your problems can get real bad in a hurry. Also beware of gradual changes in your health or thought process as this can be another warning sign! Hang in there! it’s just like having another illness but for me it’s harder to manage.
up again can’t sleep my thoughts r racing so fast i feel dizzy. so worried the lamital isn’t working for me and i may have to go on a medicine that will cuase wieght gain. omg i just won’t be able to do that.i am already fat. also i am depressed becuse i have embarrasd myself with my mood swings and people are talking about me as permisquise.what to do about the shame the guilt?
Hi Catherine,
I could have written this many times over the years. It’s an odd illness. It dogs us and makes us think and do things we would not EVER do if we had a choice. But we can learn to control it – at least as much as possible.
I have a love affair with Lamictal, as do many of my friends who have bipolar. It’s very important to know that Lamictal dosage is all over the place. My mom takes 125mg with great results, a friend takes 350mg, my brother takes 200 and I take…. are you ready for this:
700mg of Lamictal. It saves my life. So the first step is to talk with your meds person and really check on the Lamictal dose. When it starts working, you will know. Everything calms down- it doesn’t mean you don’t have symptoms, it just means they are not as bad. I really hope it works for you as it doesn’t make people fat- and as I still carry around my Seroquel stomach- I know your concerns./
In terms of relationships- there is a category to the right that has lots of tips. I also reccomend Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder as it’s my most basic book- and it’s good for family members. For self management, there is NOTHING better that the Health Cards. They saved my relationships.
I lost most of my friends, the Health Cards help me be a great friend.
Hang in there. Get some help with the sleep issues. That’s essential- and please know, this all takes time. The illness comes and goals. The goal is to make the mood swings less intense each time. You can do it. Julie
PS: If it is the Lamictal causing problems, I would see your prescriber and figure things out as soon as you can. julie
Dear Julie,
Found your site today and I’m soaking up every blog, every word! From the bottom of my heart…thank you….
I have been married to my BP-husband for 20 years,yes, I was one of them who decided to hang in there.. 🙂 He has been on Lamictal for almost 2 years, and it’s working very well for him. And yes,Lamictal was probably med # 7 that he has tried over the years. Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with BPII rapid cycler, at 18, she is now 19, and has had every episode,moodswing,”she did what!!!”, that is being blogged everywhere. She responded to Lamictal very well too, when she was taking it steady. As of right now, she stopped her Lamictal cold turkey, because she is almost 3 months pregnant,”moved” 7 states away to her boyfriends parents house, she is in complete denial of her diagnosis,and is taking every moodswing as part of the pregnancy, and so is everybody around her. Of course she has a OB/Gyn, but no psychiatrist. I can’t seem to find a lot of information regards BP and pregnancy, and of course, BP and postpartum. Didn’t really have that one in my BP artillery knowledge..lol… Any suggestions of where to find info?
Thank you again for an outstanding website. You are in my thoughts and I have taken great comfort reading about your journey through the land of BP.
Hello Jeanette,
Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for your kind words! julie
Hello Julie.
My niece of 24 has been diagnosed with bipolar 1 with phsychotic features about 6 weeks ago. She is now back in the hospital for the third time after a third psychotic break last Thursday. She was home for 10 days and the first 5 were pretty good although manic. (they had switched her meds to pill form of lithium and switched to Thorazine 4 days before her hospital release). After two weeks from the switch mania increased followed by a horrible episode where she awoke from a nap in a full psychotic state. We had to call 911. She does not sleep no matter what we try. Now, back in the hospital and heavily drugged, she is still not sleeping. She has always had horrific nightmares and fears she will wake up as someone else. Even after a week back in the hospital she is maybe sleeping two hours a night. This might have been the case for months.
We have been studying all your books and ordering them for the family so thank you, but we are starting to lose hope and her mother (my sister) is wearing down. Thank for any help you might provide.
Thanks for posting your article on Sex and Mania. Back in 1990 I saw a therapist for chronic depression. That therapist is the one that got me started on antidepressants. She also diagnosed me as Bipolar II. For some reason I was so offended at that diagnosis – I immediately dismissed it and never looked at it again. I always thought I was just a low-key person, I was never manic. I was really convinced that because I never ‘went off the deep end’ -sort of speak- how could I be diagnosed as bipolar? YET! At this very same time I was also involved in a sex addiction 12 step program. I always thought that my sexual behavior was just a bi-product of my depression. I never made the connection until recently. I think I will ask my doctor about trying Lamictal. Julie? you said that “Sexual inhibition is 100% a part of all manias.”? Really? could you please point me to more reading so I can consider this further? Thank you for your work.
Dear Moderator, could you please replace my email address with kevin@31361?
That will remove my gravatar – I would like my post to remain somewhat anonymous.
thanks!
kevin
Hello Kevin, I removed your email! Julie
I can still see his comment requesting to have his e-mail replaced. Which has his e-mail in it…
Hi Shawnee- I’m not sure what post you are referring to- can you please write the person’s name and I will make sure the email is removed! Julie
Hi Juli, I need your opinion in some strange behaviour I have with men.
I have some difficulties in communicating with men because if there’re men I feel atracted to and they don’t make the first step in getting to know me, I wouldn’t bother and on the other han if there’re men that I don’t dislike and they make the first step towards me I’d go out with them even if I’m not in love and that later on give me problems because I’m not acting according to my feelings.
Another important thing that is really driving me mad is once I made a decision about someting important as it’s to move to another country and starts my life there, I start to have doubts if I did the right decision and that drives me mad as I had thoughts in circle for 3 weeks.
My husband of 18 years is Bipolar II and recovered Alchoholic (20 years). His addictions have varied in the past, prescription drugs, painkillers, needless spending, over spending, but the most hurtful was his sex texting and actual meeting with total strangers off of Craigslist, for sex. He is on medication now. Sometimes I think and see that it’s working, keeps him calm and not having those manic thoughts or acting out. But he will have episodes where he is mad at me for finding out and monitoring his behaviour and drug use. Sometimes he thinks its funny that he has been diagnosed Bipolar and uses that as reason for his behaviour. He hears voices in his head and talks and walks in his sleep. Sometimes he does not care about anyone or anything, recently hygiene at home is one. He has wet the bed a few times. I wanted to talk to his psychiatrist but he refuses to let that happen. We have tried therapy, he quit going. I just want to know if I am using the wrong approach, should I monitor him at all? He has called me his sobriety and his mother. I could leave him but I am afraid of what he would do if I did, not to me but to himself.
Thank you, any advise you could give me would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Julie.
I’m in constant misory. I have BP Rapid Cycle G.A.D, P.T.S.D since I can remember. Very young 14-15.I am a 45 year old lady who has bin struggling with these monsters to long. Most of my meds ..And I’ve tried everything under the sun…Work opposite on me. Lamactil worked wonders for me for 5 yrs then turned on me. Sending me into a deep depression. I have bin off the Lamactil for at least 3to 4 years and wanting to try it again but very scared.
I have sexual mania that I mask with pills. They seemed to help but as of latley The pills seem to send me into a state were I am not in control. I don’t remember.. Recently I have bin going through a separation and my stress and anxiety are really high. I need my pills sooo much!!! I have this FRIEND who has bin helping me through my separation by text or phone calls. For some reason I end up at his house all medicated up and have sex with him…??? It ends in me feeling so lost and confused. I don’t remember the encounter. But I know something has happened as he seems very happy and proud of himself. The last time this happened I woke up and didn’t realize were I was and managed a conversation. Then went about my afternoon doing banking and driving home…All the while It seemed I was fallowing myself around. Standing on the outside looking in…I’m scared as I am not remembering what is happening to me. I am on the verge of just giving up. But I am stronger then that but very confused. I feel I should be alone the rest of my life because no one should have to put up with a person who is so sick. This is why The love of my life and I split. I was hurting him with my illness and I hate seeing him so sad… Regards MISORy
i am bipolar. Just now facing the fact that i can be promiscuous for no reason. It causes me to do things I would never imagine doing. My husband is ready to leave me. I currently take effexor 300mg. It does not control the erge to be with other men.
For the duration of our nearly twenty year marriage my wife has exhibited extreme mood swings noticed by everyone not in her immediate family. These can range from an unrealistic optimism and happiness that seems pressured as if being forced to the surface from deep inside to intense anger and cursing over trivial matters. At least three confirmed extramarital sexual relations all involving alcohol which she has no history of abusing, and about four or five suspected cases of sexual activity. We are in several counseling groups and reading books on family of origin, ADD and OCD, which are my medical issues, but while we have discussed her mood swings we never made the connection of sexual behavior to bipolar. Which of the book(s) do you recommend to address the sexual component of the illness? Thank you very much.
Hello Rob,
Thank you for asking about this difficult topic. Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder addresses the sexual component of bipolar disorder. Julie