My beloved kitty Bibi is gone. I wrote about her cancer diagnosis a few weeks ago. I was ready for her death and want to share with you what I’m doing in order to keep myself stable while going through rather intense grief.
First, thank you for the messages of support. I do a lot of writing on Facebook about my personal life and people have been wonderful. This post is about what I do to keep bipolar under control when I face a big trigger.
Do you have a pet you love? Many of us find such comfort in our wonderful animal companions.
This next question is harder: As a person with bipolar or any mental health disorder, do you have a plan in place for real loss- in other words, are you ready for the death of a beloved pet? Especially if this animal helps with your symptoms? I used to call Bibi my depression companion. What a lovely soul in a beautiful body!
Now she is a soul.
Death of a pet is a bipolar disorder trigger. We need a plan in place for when loss happens. It can be sudden or it can be drawn out as it was with Bibi. We need a plan now that we put into place when the news that a pet is ill or a sudden death happens.
When I heard Bibi had cancer, I had to think of many things outside of my grief. It has been sadly wonderful experience saying goodbye to her. My mom as always was a steadfast companion. I honored Bibi every day that she had left. We all did.
The hardest part of this by far is not knowing how her death might affect my bipolar.
On the day she died, I could not sleep. I found I wanted to write about her in my journal and remember her and cry. All natural behaviors. What was not natural was the fact it was past midnight. At 1 AM, I realized it could be dangerous for my bipolar as I could easily not sleep at all.
I decided I could love her and think of her the next day. I forced myself to sleep.
I took extra sleep meds and got 8 hours. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. I use the goofy SleepwithMe podcast and it helped greatly.
Please think ahead….
What is your plan if your kitty gets sick? What is your plan if your best friend who happens to be a dog, simply gets older as all animals do and his time is near?
I want us to learn how to prepare for triggers so that when they arrive, we know what to do.
Here is a short list of what I did to make Bibi’s death as gentle as possible for my brain.
1. When I realized that my sleep would be affected, I asked my mom to help with her care taking. We were a team in this until the end. I could not stay up at night with Bibi. The guilt was enormous at first, but everyone helped. It also helped that she had a very compassionate vet.
2. I imagined life without her. I thought of what I might feel and opened myself to what might show up in terms of bipolar. Yes, I did this before she died.
3. I had sleep medicines ready and used them. This meant sleeping in for two more hours than usual the day she died. It would be hard to do this if I were at a work place, but I have my own business, so it is possible. If you need this and do work with set hours, take sick time.
4. I decided to fully feel everything, but gave myself a time limit for grief. If I don’t do this, it will spiral into depression. This means I can cry naturally, but I will not let myself cry for five hours straight for example. When the panic attacks showed up, I felt them, did my breathing, talked to myself and worked through them. It’s so much easier to do this when you plan ahead.
5. I told my friends that Bibi was dying and asked for help.
I want to learn from this experience so that when another pet or someone I love dies, I will know what works. I am not doing anything to push down my feelings or have less grief. That is normal.
But I am doing everything I can not to get sick. Depression is knocking on the door. I will not let depression in this hotel!
What is your plan? If it is very painful to think about this, I see that as a positive. It means you will need to plan ahead or the grief might be too much if something happens. Join me on my Julie A. Fast Facebook page for this post and let me know what you need. Ask questions. Let’s all have a plan ready for when a beloved pet leaves our lives.
This leaves us room to remember and celebrate all of the love they brought into the world!
Julie
PS: I saw this gorgeous kitty statue when I was at the British Museum. Yes, it is green and it has earrings.
2019 update: An update. I thought long and hard about getting a new kitten once Bibi died. I was in so much grief due to losing her that I didn’t want to make a quick decision. After the grief lessened, I was able to think more clearly and I now have a kitten named Sadie. She is NOTHING like Bibi. It has been an interesting experience being with such a different spirit. She helped ease my pain. If you are in the process of losing a pet or have lost a pet, please know that is absolutely gets better, but it takes conscious work. We have to want to get better. We have to let go. I let go of Bibi’s spirit consciously. I let her go. I missed her so much and still do. She was my companion. She will never be replaced, but she is free now and I am so thankful she was in my life! Julie A. Fast
