I received this comment on the blog when I woke up this morning. It’s a timely one as I’m having work issues myself! Here is the comment and my reply.
I have been diagnosed with bi-polar after 4 attempts at suicide. I’m sitting here now, wishing i was not here. Thinking things like my girlfriend could have someone who has loads of money, nice house ect… all the things i dont have. im very tired of life right now, and cannot see it getting any better, or my wealth changing.. definatly not in the near future!
The thing is, i know deep inside i am better than this. i know i can get a better paid job ect But and i dont know if it is having bi polar, i odnt have the courage to do go for another job. even though i know i can do it. its almost like voices in my head saying, nah, you’re useless, you cant do it so why bother.
Is this the bi-polar, or just something else.?
Hi,
It’s totally normal to be suicidal when you’re depressed. It’s also normal to feel worthless when you’re depressed! That is literally the definition of depression..
I’ve definitely been sick from work pressure. Those of us with bipolar disorder often have trouble working. It really attacks your belief in yourself when you can’t work! The only way to get around this is to treat the bipolar first- this means trying for as long as it takes to find the right meds and then… here is the hard part- learn to manage the illness on your own. I do it daily. You have to have a treatment plan that works. My book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder has an easy to follow plan as do my other books. I wrote them because I needed them.
You are NOT lazy. You have a serious, but ultimately treatable illness. Here are some ideas:
1. Decide to stay where you are right now- work wise- and spend the next three months focusing exclusively on bipolar management
2. Talk with your girlfriend and explain what bipolar is like- read my book together. Work together. Just as she would do – both of you would do if you had a physical illness.
3. When the voices start- no matter how strong they are- say, This is not me! This is bipolar disorder. And when I treat the bipolar disorder, I can make these voices go away.
Things DO get better. I am proof. I never thought I would work again- and now I can. You can as well.
Treat bipolar disorder first and it all gets easier.
Julie
Julie-
Monday night i checked my wife into the hospital for the first time, after what i am now learning was probably a manic episode including grandiosity, hallucinations and suicidal thoughts.
She is in a locked down behavioral health clinic, where i have been visiting her for every minute they allow. It has been difficult seeing her as she is not herself and occassionally pushes me away and threatens to kill herself, but i am determined to continue to visit and show her my love and support.
I am trying to put my trust in the fact that she is in the right place and that they will be able to help her. I have only spoke with the physciatrist and therapist once, and it was clear they were still trying to diagnos her. I have tried to communicate with them to learn about my wifes treatment, but they dont have time for me. I know that they are spending very little time with her and the nurses appear to just keep the peace more than treat the patients.
I am receive some reassurance from your website, and have order your book for partners. Please reassure me that she will recover from this and that i can have faith in the treatment she is receiving!
Thank you!
Hi Mike,
She will recover. Most people recover very well- from the specific episode. The goal is then to make sure she doesn’t get that sick again.
When my partner was in the hospital- it took over my life. It’s all I thought about. The person I knew and the person I loved was gone. Who was he? What had happened?
This is what bipolar does. It takes the person and hides them away for awhile.
Your wife will get better. Ivan got better and I got better.
It’s essential that you have a plan ready for when she gets out. It takes a long time to recover from a hospital stay.
It’s up to a year if someone has had a massive manic/psychotic episode for example.
Expecting her to bounce back is a mistake we all make- think of it as if she had been in a bad car crash and will need to recover at home. That helps all of you see the severity of what her body has been through as well as her mind.
I’m only talking generalizations here- many people bounce back from a hospitalization more quickly. I just want you to be ready.
She is so lucky to have you. Make sure they don’t send her home too soon- and make sure her health care is all lined up for when she gets out.
Do not let them send her home if she is suicidal. Period.
Don’t give up on talking with her health care professioals. They may be busy, but you have rights too. Get the information you need. Remember, they have seen your situation hundreds of times- this is your only time- it’s hard for them to remember this as they work so hard and are often tired.
Do keep seeing your wife- but keep your life too. Have a bipolar free time- the kind I talk about in Loving. You MUST have time for yourself or your life will become all about caretaking. This isn’t healthy for anyone.
She is in good hands. One day you will walk in to see her and she will look at you and say, “Mike?” and you know she is back and you can plan your future from there.
Promise!
Julie