Bipolar Disorder Depression Distortion

This article originally appeared in Bp Magazine……

It takes a lot longer to worry about getting things done than it does to actually finish a project. Sounds easy, right? Not when you have depression.

Depression makes me squirm and put things off and worry that I’m not getting things done. It distorts reality to the point that I put off even the most basic projects because they feel so overwhelming. This is because depression affects our ability to see a project realistically in terms of time, which is why we waste so much time not getting things done. I can spend hours, days, and even weeks ruminating about deadlines, To Do lists, and missed opportunities. Projects that may take just a few hours to complete can turn into days of feeling upset at my lack of productivity. In the past, this meant that I didn’t even start projects and wasn’t able to support myself.

For years I put myself down because of this behavior. Once I realized it was a symptom of my depression, I came up with ways to balance out my ridiculously out-of-touch brain with the reality of a project.

It always takes less time than I think it will to complete a project. Always. In fact, it often takes half the time. Think of situations where this is especially true: answering email, paying bills, exercising, cleaning, and paying taxes!

So, how long does it really take to unload a dishwasher? I always ask this question when I talk about depression, and no one ever gets it right. I hear: Three minutes? Five minutes? Unless you’re trying to unload the dishwasher with your teeth, it usually takes less than 90 seconds. (I know depression can make a person underestimate the time it takes to do a project, but in my experience, it inflates the time to the point that we’re scared to even get started.)

When you’re depressed, a simple project like unloading the dishwasher feels like more than you can handle—which means you put it off and then get upset with yourself for putting it off and then end up piling dishes in the sink while the dishwasher remains an unloaded symbol of your ineffectiveness! This is how a 90-second project can turn into hours and hours of self-punishment.

Here’s what I do when I’m depressed and feeling overwhelmed by my To Do list:

1. Pick one project that you need to get done. Write down the name of the project and a start time.

2. Note how long you think it will take to finish the project.

3. Complete the project without moving on to other projects until you’re done, no matter how painful this feels.

4. Now compare your depressed brain’s perception of time to how long it actually took you. (If you tend to underestimate the time it takes, you can use these same tools.)

Depression can make you multitask—but this is not the way to get things done. If I think about all of my writing projects at once, this bundles the projects into what I call the “tangled ball of string.” I have to force myself to separate each project and focus on one at a time, and measure the time it takes to complete each of them individually.

Once you learn the times for tasks that you do on a regular basis, you can switch from your “depression-distortion” brain to your “get-it-done” brain. For example, I’ve written enough columns for this magazine to know how long it takes—and yet when I’m depressed it can still be a struggle to stick with reality. I’ve been using my get-it-done techniques for 15 years, and yet I can still find myself getting caught in the trap of depression distortion. Why on earth would I spend time on procrastinating when I know I can write a darn good column in less than three hours?

It will never feel good to start a project when you’re depressed, but you will always feel better once you finish the project. So go easy on yourself, make a plan, and stick to it: Step back. Write it down. Time it out. Get it done.

And unload that dishwasher!

Julie

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