This is a blog post from 2009. I’m sharing it today because it shows how far I have come and how far you can come when you get a management plan that works. I read this and realized that these work and depression episodes don’t happen to me anymore. My depression, mania, anxiety and psychosis are always lurking, but they are under control. I have tools for the situations I describe below. I write about them in my books. I NEVER thought I would have the life I have now, but I do. I’m happy, stable and I CAN WORK!
From 2009
I always know I’m depressed if I wake up and suddenly hear an avalanche of negative thoughts. Sometimes I wake up and think- hmm, what fun things do I have to do today? Those are miracle days where I just get out of bed and look forward to the hours ahead.
I had extreme trouble sleeping last night. True insomnia- it’s so different from mania sleep issues. I had to take two ativan (A benzodiazepine/anti anxiety med) – two ativan means I will get really tired this afternoon. I usually stick to one. But at least I finally got to sleep around 2:30 AM.
This means I lost the hours of work I was going to do this morning. What can I do but just get on with it! I’m lucky I didn’t have a deadline this morning.
I’d rather be tired than depressed. I made a list of my plans for the day. I made one last night before I went to sleep as well. This helps if I wake up depressed!
Have you ever thought that IT’S ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER! and it always helps to get out of bed before the thoughts take over. I did that this morning and vacuumed my room. I’ve been upset with myself for weeks because I didn’t vacuum my room. It takes more time to worry than to DO.
Julie
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2015 update: We can get better! I lived with this kind of depression for way too long. There is a way out. It doesn’t have to be like this and life can be good.
Hi Julie! Yes, I have thought “With BiPolar Disorder it is ALWAYS something!” I am not the one with the illness. I am involved with someone who has it. I do suffer from depression and have found a lot of comfort and HOPE in your books, blogs and want to thank you. I find myself so lost right now and wondering a lot of negative things. I have been trying to let them flood in and then float away since they seem to be remaining in there when I just say STOP! You are an inspiration and I wanted to let you know that you have touched another two lives today! Thank you for giving of yourself so the rest of us can, live, cope and HOPE! C
Hi Julie
“It takes more time to worry than to DO.”
How true! I’ve printed that out large and pinned it on my Action Board…
Michael
I have commented before on your blog and am still hanging in there. I have had to totally rebuild myself after trying a new med this last summer and it just seems that I have not been able to get back on the horse so to speak. I just wanted to thank you for all the work you have been doing and ask you, how you cope when the roads you built seem to be needing road work? that is to say the progress you’ve made and then the old two step behind. Thanks for the great website. Keep it up
julie,
i am bipolar and am currently in a serious low. ive been in a slump of depression but it hasnt been obvious to others, and then the other day i got dumped by my boyfriend, for no reasons that is my fault, but my depression became worse and noticable to others and suicidal so i left college for a few days and am at home. I am so glad i stumbled on to your blogsite here. it is so great to read your entries and hear about someone elses moods and experiences, and its great to know that even though we feel alone, we really are not at all!! my breakup hurts, but i think the fact that i am in a depression is what is making it hurt more. the light at the end of my tunnel is knowing that i feel this way because i have a disorder and its not my fault. the feeling sucks, that feeling when you are just blank, cant smile or laugh or say anything really, even if you are out to dinner with your best friends drinking and hearing jokes, its still all fuzzy and blank in the head. but i think your site is great and i’m going to continue to visit your thoughts and possibly order some of your books. Thanks 🙂
I enjoy readinhg your Blogs and enjoy your website. I am in a Controlled manic episode presently. It’s Great that my spiraling occurs from even keel to mania.In the Past it was spirling from mania to depression and that was affecting my life. I am trying to write a book about how Bipolar affected my life > my education, my playing as a tennis professional, my relationship with my daughter and other things that My Bipolar screwing with my life. Twice I tried to kill myself and had to be hospitalized for long periods of time. Then I get out of my Depression and GO MANIC about April, May, June. Going manic which gets me in trouble financially, but I had a great time when I was UP THERE!
Thank you for your encouraging words. I always seem to find you on Facebook and that brings a BIG SMILE. ONTO that Book. Have a Good Evening! >>>>> GAF