A Bipolarhappens.com blog reader tells a story.
Hi Julie,
I just read your post on your rapid cycling. I didn’t even know what it was a few years ago. My doctors said I was rapid cycling- but I thought that was what happened with all people with bipolar. I didn’t know it’s not that common. Things have been tough lately. I’m Going Up Again.. and Again. And then going way down again and again.
Bipolar is wearing me out. I have had over 10 mood swings in the past three weeks. I know this because I write about my moods in my journal. This has helped a lot since I often just thought I was being bitchy or wimpy or something personal and I can now clearly see it’s a mood swing.
I have been so depressed in the past week I couldn’t stop crying. I always keep going, but it has been hard. I read Get it Done a lot. I have it by my bed- but as you know- that helps, but the depression is still here. My meds are regulated and I do try to look at triggers.
Today I’m over excited. I can feel it. It’s a nervous energy that isn’t comfortable. I don’t like it. I usually get a great high feeling, but this feels a bit out of control. I feel scared.
My life is basic right now. I agree with you that bipolar is often a triggered illness, so I left some friends who were a bit too wild for me and also told some family members they have to be nicer to me- hm,mmm. We can see how that goes! I get lonely though.
Your work has helped me so much- I am a ton better than I used to be and I have worked hard- but what upsets me is that the bipolar is still here. A friend of mine said that she sees a really big improvement in my management of the illness- and that is great. I’m going to focus on that. I need advice though- from people who go through this. What if we work hard and we are a lot better, but the mood swings are still here? I need some hope!
Marcee
Hi Marcee,
Wow, thanks for a great letter. It sounds like something in my journal so I know what you’re going through. Dear readers, your advice for Marcee would be greatly appreciated. How do we deal with our reality? This is not like a bad bug that can be eradicated with a medication or a flu or a broken leg. What are our options to keep pushing ourselves towards health when we still have setbacks? That is a big question. I know that you all deal with this differently and I look forward to your ideas. Family, friends, and health care professionals can share their advice as well.
Julie
PS: If you are unfamiliar with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, there is a category list on the right side of the blog on the rapid cycling topic.
Hi Marcee,
Don’t give up! It sounds like you are doing all of the right things!
Keep working on it. There might be some trigger that you haven’t yet found. Or perhaps a medication that you haven’t yet tried. So many things either mimic bipolar disorder or increase bipolar symptoms.
You say that you dumped some friends. How about finding some new ones? Perhaps find a hobby or activity that you can do with others that you can do regardless of your mood.. Something not too stimulating and not too hard.
Remember little steps are the key. Celebrate the successes that you have each day. It won’t all get better overnight, but it can get better over time.
Sometimes it seems that bipolar disorder is all about feeling too much. If this is true, then how can you make that a positive?
As far as feeling scared about the nervous energy – I’ve been there. Do you have a plan? Perhaps a medication that you can take if you need to calm down? Someone you can call to talk to? Sometimes a dark room with soothing music helps me. Since you are aware of how you are feeling, then you have the ability to take steps to try to change it.
Well I hope this bit of rambling helps. Hang in there 🙂
HB
Hi HB,
This is the kind of encouragement I need to hear daily- from my friends, therapist, family and mostly myself. I can tell you talk to yourself this way- and that is always the best direction out of the rapid cycling maze.
Thank you for taking the time to write this- it matters to the thousands who read this blog. You are making a difference! Julie
I am also rapid cycling bipolar. One week I am at my therapist so depressed I can barely explain what I feel, and the next I am so excited about life and plans. Spins the head around. I am trying to think of my life as a giant super-ball, the kind that when you throw it and it hits the wall, it bounces over and over again seemingly forever, a ball I didn’t throw but have to live on. It is my reality. I live on planet bipolar, and accept that meds and hard work only get me functional on planet bipolar. I cannot get off it. That is my reality. No matter what chronic illness I have, diabetes, arthritis, or bipolar, I have to accept it and learn to live within it’s limitations. I would say then that acceptance of my illness as a chronic illness separate from my true self helps me cope, knowing that the meds keep me out of the Alps of bipolar planet, and only in the hills and valleys. There are no flat plains of the farm belt here! An acceptance make life here much much easier, I live in the moments between extremes and hold on for the rides between!
Hi Lyn, This is absolutely one of the best explanations of rapid cycling I have ever heard! I call myself a leaf in the wind- but lately, I have been calling the depression slams- the missle or the blindsiding truck! You deal with them and then work your way out of them using a system and keep going. It truly is a rubber ball- but if the wall is there, I agree we can do it. The wall is a treatment plan. That is for sure. I put this comment as a blog post.
Julie
Dear Julie, I have this huge problem that started about 2 and half years ago. During a mixed episode of rapid cycling I decided and did leave my husband. Over this past 2 and a half years I have been severly depressed. Well in the past two months my new pdoc changed my medication and I am thinking more clearly and having fewer mood swings then ever. The problem is that I want my husband back. He does not really understand bipolar and resents me for decisions I made while I was sick. I have two questions, is it worth pursuing a relationship with someone who doesnt understand what you are going through (he will not take a simple class on dealing with loved ones suffering from bipolar). How do I reconcile the bad choices I have made while sick with where I am now. I want my family back but he has a new girlfriend. Is it worth the fight.
theconsequencesofbipolar
I have answered this in a blog post as well:
Hi Stephani,
Believe it or not, this is not an uncommon problem. I regularly work with clients where a partner has left because of a mood swing.
A friend of mine got manic and had an affair, left her husband and moved out all in a few weeks. Luckily her husband understood enough about bipolar and took her back. They have worked it out so it is possible. The difference here is that your partner doesn’t want to learn about the illness. It’s the only way he will ever understand what happened. Otherwise, we just seem odd and people wonder,