I have friend who ask me, “What does it mean when you say you’re sick?”
Here’s an example of what I mean: I took on a great job writing an article for healthlyplace.com where I wrote the main mood disorder articles for the site around two years ago.
It is a very realistic assigment for me and is well compensated. I have all of the skills to do it and a great reference in my coauthor Dr. John Preston. I also have plenty of time to write the article. And yet, I started to get ill the day I started the project.
How do I know this is illness? Here is what happened.
1. Overwhelmed and consumed with jealousy when I saw strangers at a coffee shop who looked cooler and happier than I am.
2. I feel like my life is missing something that others have and that I want and need more to life. My brain tells me that I live a small life and spend too much time alone.
3. I wake up too early and have trouble getting back to sleep.
4. If I go out at night to someplace stimulating, I will hear conversations and music in my head all night and the next day.
I get waves of anxiety.
Bla. I could go on here!
And how do I know it’s the pressure of the article? I haven’t gone through this in a while and it started the day of the job. It’s so frustrating. But the article got done- the final draft goes in tonight. Unfair, ridiculous, awful and UNFAIR! But as my editor at BP Magazine told me, “Get over it Julie and just keep writing.”
And that is what I did. I bet the symptoms calm down tomorrow.
Nothing will ever stop me from getting my work done- The timing may change, but the project will always get done!
Julie
I have found that I do this often when I know there are things coming up in the future. I am sure part of this is just normal anticipation but I do believe that it’s worse with BiPolar! I am preparing for some minor surgery and I’m going through this BIG TIME! I have to calm myself down every day. I find that using a calendar helps. I write down the date of the event. Then days before I pencil in things to do to prepare. I look at that calendar every morning and tell myself I can’t worry or deal with something until it comes up on the calendar. Now the entries are weird sometimes but it sure helps me not look too far ahead anymore and get all anxious. It helps me take things one day at a time!
Debbie
This is the first time I’ve posted here, so bare with me. I’m an extreme rapid cycler. How do I know I’m sick? I’m in grad school, and when working on a paper, I’ll look at it one day and think it’s the most brilliant piece of work ever written. A few days later, I think it’s total crap, and I have to control myself to not press the “delete” button. With deadlines, this back and forth doesn’t help me. I have to make sure I don’t send it out in either one of those phases, but there are no other phases. Basically, I’m always sick in one way or another.
My sickness comes and goes on a whim without any real connection to what’s going on around me. I know I’m depressed when the weight hits and I can barely crawl up the stairs, and I know I’m manic when I can’t help but run up the stairs. That’s my sure sign.
Thanks for this wonderful resource!