OMG, I love euphoric bipolar mania so much. It is so comforting. I’ve been manic off and on for almost 40 years. I wish I could stay manic forever. I understand this mania and know how to use it to my advantage. I know how to manipulate this mania. I know how to get any man, any job and any book deal I want with this mania. So why on earth would I stop the mania?
Here is the reality of mania when it isn’t stopped the minute I realize it’s here.
1. Pregnancy due to sex in a bathroom at a party with a stranger.
2. STDs. Herpes.
3. People who actually know me, hate it. I’m aggressive, loud, impatient, impetuous, forceful, unkind, aggressive and egotistical when I feel this GREAT. My friend Karen says, “I can always tell when you’re manic because you’re really annoying.”
4. I don’t sleep. This confuses the physical body and leads to more physical illness.
5. I make promises I can’t keep.
6. I am unkind and if in a relationship, I will leave because you know, the grass is greener!
7. I don’t give a flying FCUK about anyone but myself even though I appear cheerful and the life of the party.
8. It always, without exception turns into dysphoric mania and then depression.
I could make a list as long as a football field.
Almost ten years ago now, I said no to all forms of mania. Even the mania that makes me feel like a GOD.
What about you? Are you ready to see mania as illness? Are you ready to finally say yes to stability?
Julie
I’m in Starbucks. I know I’m hypomanic. In front of me is a man wearing a soccer uniform. It’s obvious he has just come off the pitch and is getting some after-game refreshment. I look at the back of his head and my eyes roam down his body. When I reach the back of his legs, I have the thought,
“I’m going to get down on my hands and knees and lick his calves.”
I’m serious about not letting mania in my life. Here is an article from my Psychology Today blog called Bipolar, Hypersexual and Celibate.
