I had a wonderful weekend at a writer’s conference. Because of this, I knew I had to be prepared for a downswing. It was inevitable. Bipolar disorder doesn’t care if I had a good time – it just noticed that things were different and that I was in an exciting environment.
I woke up slightly down and thought- oh well, I can get through this. Then I felt better! But it didn’t last. Within a few hours the bad thoughts started. First: I wish I were dead. And then: You’re Pathetic!
I always hear the ‘you’re pathetic’ voice when I get stressed. The ‘I wish I were dead’ is an old friend as well. One gets used to these stress companions.
That doesn’t make it easy, but at least I know my enemy. The weekend was amazing as it was the first time I was able to go to a conference and not get sick during the conference! I had hardly any paranoia! This is wonderful.
The conference reminded me that I’ve gotten so much better over the past few years. I’m grateful.
Julie
PS: That’s me signing books after my presentation. And yes, I cut my long hair! Yes it is me! I am going to let it grow back. It looks too much like Suze Orman. HaHa
Hi Julie,
I was diagnosed with soft bipolar about 2 months ago. Wow. I can not believe the difference that the meds have made . I just wanted to say thank you for your books that you have written. After reading loving someone with bipolar I am able to understand what life has been like for my husband of 18 years. For him it feels as if he was finally understood by someone. We also have your cards we are working on them. I am on seroquel 50mg and lamictin 100mg…….I never imagined life was meant too be this peaceful and easy. I feel now at the age of 43 I can enjoy the wonderful family I have and enjoy my life. My hubby says it feels like he is married to a different women. Can you tell me what the thoughts are on monitoring blood levels whilst on lamictin….is this necessary. Thanks Sandra (south Africa)
I found your comment about conferences and paranoia interesting. I have bipolar I and frequently travel to meetings and dinners for my work. While I love learning and meeting new people, I’ve had some severe bouts of paranoia and depression following my travel and even during it. To the point that I always carry extra hydroxizene for antianxiety help. It’s so great to know I’m not alone. Thank you for writing your books and blog. They help a lot.