bipolar mood swings and the beauty of a rose

Bipolar is so very weird. When I’m depressed I can look at this rose and see nothing of beauty. I’ve also had experiences where the beauty of something is painful because I feel so left out.

With mania, the rose is too beautiful. I could look into it forever – which is not exactly true as when I’m manic I don’t do anything for very long. My attention would be grabbed by something even more beautiful.

When my ex partner Ivan was really psychotic and in the hospital- I took him a rose- it had a lot of symbolic meaning to him- it was blood red- it caused pain- etc.

Well, it’s pretty obvious that a rose isn’t just a rose is a rose…. 😉

Today I want to just look at the rose for what it is. A beautiful flower.  I live in Portland, Oregon- also known as the rose city. The roses here are stunning.  My goal is to have a normal, stable and appreciative day. ( I can do it!)

 Julie

2 comments to bipolar mood swings and the beauty of a rose

  • Danielle

    Have a beautiful day!!! i love roses, pink roses!

  • mindy

    Dear Julie,

    Thank you for writing ‘getting it done with you’re depressed’. I am a bipolar , 22, year old female .

    Reading your book gave me great confidence and consolation that someone understood exactly how i felt. I teared up reading the first few chapters, because I felt I was no longer alone.

    I have always felt so misunderstood and confused. This book made me examine my manic depression in a different lens. Thank you for your honesty and passing your experience on to others. Bless you.

    Hi Mindy,

    Thanks for your kind words. I had the same experience when I finally realized that there is absolutly wrong with me- I have an illness that makes me different- once I learned to separate that part of me from the non ill me, I changed forever. Now I’m ready for the terrible down swings and am able to keep going until they are done!

    Things can definitely get better- the mood swings can get a lot shorter. When you learn to avoid the things and people who cause mood swings in your life- things can get a LOT better.

    Julie