I got really sick for three days last week. It was terrible. I thought my two month stability streak was going to last forever.
I’m always shocked when the depression comes back full force. It is so nasty and horrible. No one can understand it, unless they have a mood disorder!
It’s like living underwater with no air- but you don’t die! You just struggle!
All of us with bipolar disorder know what it is like.
The day it started I said to myself, “Oh no. It’s back. But I’m going to get rid of it starting now.”
It sounds like a cliche, but that is how I have to talk to myself when I get sick.
In three days it was gone. I’m a lot better today. I woke up and knew I was fine – I knew this because I woke up and didn’t think that getting up was pointless. I just got on with my day. It’s so wonderful to have a normal day!
Julie
Thanks for the pics from Miss E. They depict what it feels like sometimes! Alive, but underwater!
Hi Julie,
I have been diagnosed for a couple of years but I am lost as ever. medications have helped me gain control of manic episodes but the depression remains rampant! I have zero control over my life. My self esteem is at the lowest it has ever been. I can’t function at work. Everything overwhelms me. I am afraid of losing my job. I cry for no reason. I am exhausted and lethargic. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t pray to God to say, ” I am ready to go. Please remove me from all this!”
Thankfully, I am afraid of suicide but I can’t be this person anymore. I don’t feel that I have the resources to get better. I have begged my partner to let me stop working so I can focus on healing myself but he resists fearing that it may make me more depressed to not have work occupy my time. I’m underwater and I can’t see the surface anymore. I need help!
I’ve been reading your books and although the content resonates with me, the steps towards improvement seem insurmountable. I just don’t feel like I have what it takes to make myself well again and each day, I feel like a little more of me is gone. Can you offer any guidance before I completely disappear
I got better by reading, writing and using my treatment plan. I just emailed you to ask for your mailing address. I will send Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder to help your partner better understand what you go through. I feel like you do now quite often. It
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. It’s the unpredictability of this illness that is most damaging for me. I never know who I’m going to be day-by-day, sometimes even minute-by-minute. I am thankful that I found your books and for the fact that you are so empathetic. Thank you for being you!
I know exactly what you mean Julio. I sent you an email- let me know that you received it and send me your address- or you can post your address here and I will keep it private. I have to approve all comments. Julie