Are you having a tough night? Here are a few words of hope from someone who has been there… and back. I’ve spent a large part of my life dealing with severe depression. It was relentless from age 19 on. I also had hypomania during this time but thought it was the REAL ME! But the vast majority of my symptoms were from depression.
I’ve been so depressed I’ve rolled in a ball on the floor saying out loud, “I will not kill myself! I will not kill myself!”
Bipolar disorder filled my head with untrue thoughts and feelings that made me feel like a leaf blown in the wind for more years than I want to remember.
Maybe you are going through something similar as you read this. Here are some words of hope that I hope will burn through the bipolar brain that might be telling you the same untruths I lived with for so long.
1. Bipolar disorder is 100% manageable. It’s an illness. It’s NEVER personal and no one who has the illness is weak.
2. Management is daily and it’s not easy, but it’s infinitely better than a life of uncontrolled mood swings.
3. There will be times that bipolar disorder feels so strong you are scared you will die. This is NORMAL. All people with bi-polar disorder get depressed. When you are depressed, which is a real illness that changes the way you think- you will have thoughts that tell you all hope is lost. These thoughts are repetitive and are the same for anyone with the illness. We get depressed the same way each time. This is how I know it’s an illness and nothing personal.
4. I’ve been so scared so many times I can’t even count how often I’ve thought I was at the end. This is why I created my treatment plan and still use it every day. This illness sucks the life out of you if it’s not managed!
Dirty rotten crappy illness! You freaking suck!
5. Depression is usually isolating. You are reading this blog which means you KNOW deep inside it’s bipolar and not you that is making you depressed.
Now for the good news you might not believe at the moment, but it’s true.
My depression is rare these days. I used to be depressed for YEARS at a time and it’s GONE. I still get depressed- and it’s awful, but it’s nothing like it was even a few years ago. I found my answers to manage this illness and you can as well. I’ve been where you are right now if you’re thinking of killing yourself. That’s bipolar disorder talking.
Take charge of your brain and tell it to shut the hell up and get on the phone and call someone for help. And if that’s not possible, call a crisis line such as this one:
Click here to chat with someone live at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
You are not alone. If I can survive over 320 mood swings in 2011, you can get better too. Yes, I counted my mood swings. Crappy illness!
You are loved.
Julie
PS: Everyone with bipolar disorder is a phoenix!
Click here to read my column from Bp Magazine about my struggles with suicidal symptoms.
