Bipolar and medications: For those who question if bipolar is a physical, chemical brain illness, I have a story for you.
I use a off label medication for my depression. It has saved my life. Over the past few weeks, I reduced this medication to see if I still needed it at the higher dose. At first, I didn’t see much change, then the to be honest almost forgotten dreaded sobbing, suicidal mood swing jumped on me from behind and ripped through me like a hurricane. This is after reducing my meds for TWO WEEKS. I have not had one of these suicidal down swings that are scary and life threatening since.. the last time I reduced the medication to see if I really needed the higher dose.
Now, almost three weeks into the change, my brain has simply shut down. It is not working. I am functioning. I am not depressed and I know how to work around this, but feeling it again after so many years of fighting it with the ideas in my books and this med is simply mind blowing.
My brain has just stopped working. I can feel it idling. My thoughts are there- I have my to do list- I know exactly what I need to do and I know exactly how to do it and the ability to move forward is simply gone. I am sitting.
My management skills will allow me to get through this. I will get my work done and even though it’s going to be hard, I know how to make it happen. But the toll it takes on me is enormous. It will take even longer to work than it does when I’m on my meds at the right dose. Three hours of work that will take three hours extra to get done will now be three hour of work that will take six extra hours to get done. I will have to use every single skill I write about in Get it Done When You’re Dressed.
I found this medication in 2012. It saved my life. I don’t have side effects. I use it and have a much easier life. But it is not healthy to use it at high doses and I need to be aware of this.
So what to do? I am talking with my prescriber today and I will go back up on my dose. I can reduce it, but not this much.
People who want to tell us not to take meds or not to get ECT or not to get the help we need for our chemically imbalanced brain are ABUSIVE. They want to control us and tell us that bipolar is psychological or emotional. It is not either of these things.
My life is exceptionally good. I have friends, family , more work than I can handle, lots of ideas and people who want to hear them. I manage my bipolar 24 hours a day and I get on with my life as best I can. Reducing one medication caused what you see in the pictures. It created this out of the air- not out of my life.
Take your meds if they work. Take your meds if you need them. Bipolar, schizoaffective and schizophrenia are physical genetic illnesses that involve brain chemistry. This becomes even more clear when the meds are not working.
There is about a 20 minute difference in these photos. This is the true nature of rapid cycling bipolar.
Julie
