I’m often embarrassed at how little I can get done due to bipolar disorder. It’s so easy to be hard on myself for what I see as a PERSONAL PROBLEM. I have days where I can’t work at all. Not even an hour. It has been like this forever, but I’m still ridiculously upset when it happens.
The reality? Bipolar disorder is often dis-abling. I may want to answer my Facebook comments or record a short blog or even clean my room, but the task it too overwhelming. There are many days I simply can’t do what I want to do- even if it’s the most basic of tasks.
I hate it. We all hate it.
The only way out is to do what you can. For example, I have writings from the past ten years that are a wealth of information about managing this illness.
My mind whispers: If I didn’t have bipolar disorder, I would be ABLE to go through these writings and quickly put them into books and blogs and articles and……..!!!
But I do have bipolar.
Maybe you have bipolar or care about someone with bipolar.
It’s a treatable illness- but it’s often a limiting illness.
I CAN’T go through all of my past writings and put the information on Facebook and record it on a podcast and do this an that. I can do a bit at at time. That’s all.
Bummer.
Julie
I can not work. Havent been able to for 15 years and on disability. I was a high functioning (I think) SR VP of a public company). A series of problems sent me into a tailspin with massive anxiety and I collapsed one day and that was it. I tried going back to work at another company 1 year later and lasted 9 months. Stress robs me of all energy and I am under massive stress financially , with family, etc. One day I want to just never wake up but I know that would put my son and wife in a terrible situation but the pain in my head is torture. I always ask myself .. what did I do wrong to deserve this. In therapy I found out it started with serious child abuse and the anxiety, and that led to many disorders including bipolar except 45 years ago there may have been one psychiatrist in my city and my parents being from Europe didn’t believe in it especially when my father had to have known he murdered my soul. So here I am unable to smile, holding on and rapid cycling. If it weren’t for my private disability policy we would have been homeless.Oh happy days.