My roommate Dan just told me he stayed up until 3:00 AM watching the internet coverage of the Japanese earthquakes and resulting tsunamis. He said he was very upset by what he saw and that it was, ‘like watching CGI in a big blockbuster movie. But it was real.”
I lived in Japan for three years- my mom lived there for five. We know the country well. I remember many small earthquakes and how we all would do the drills in case the aftershocks were bigger. No one could prepare for what happened yesterday.
You may wonder why I am writing about earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan on a bipolar blog.
I’m writing to ask that people with bipolar disorder turn off the television, get off the internet, fold the newspapers and stop the conversations if the discussions are making you sick. This is a big request. It’s easy for us to watch and watch something unfolding in almost real time. To see the ships sucked under the bridge or the burning houses sliding into the ocean.
I was there just a few minutes ago- I started to think of where I would have been when the tsunamis hit- where my friends are now- what would happen if…. and then I realized I had to take my own advice. I know enough. I am not going to watch the coverage any more. I’m not going to look for more videos or find the images on TV. I turned it off.
When it comes to world disasters, I learn the basics and then focus on the most basic fact of my life: bipolar management comes first. This is why I don’t own a TV. I don’t read the newspapers and I don’t listen to NPR. I need to know something once- and then move on or I will get sick.
My roommate Dan doesn’t have bipolar disorder, so staying up until 3:00 AM watching the coverage or thinking and talking about it today won’t make him ill.
It could make you or the person you love ill. We live in a 24 hour media world- but the bipolar brain needs a rest. If things feel out of control in terms of depression and anxiety- and if you are worried about the world. Turn off the media and focus on what’s in front of you. I am going to do the same.
I always try to know what is going on- then I stop before it goes too far in my brain. I know that many of you will understand. If you love someone with bipolar who is obsessing about the coverage- feel free to send them this blog. It often takes a person with bipolar to get through to a person with bipolar!
Julie
PS: How are you handling this?
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Thanks for the advice, Julie. My mom woke me up at 7am to tell me what was going on. (I usually get up at 10am) I watched the news for an hour, then realized that I still needed sleep, so back to bed I went. It is so easy to obsess about the news.
Excellent advice! You are so right! And obsessing over the media coverage won’t help. A donation to the red cross maybe and then closure. Thanks so much!
Great advice. I don’t do the news or TV, but I write emails & do Facebook & talk on the phone.
Thanks Julie. I remember when 911 happened and all the coverage that came along with it- I was already sliding into a depression and when I sat glued to CNN for days it plunged me into a deep depression. When the earthquake in Haiti happened my husband wanted to watch CNN and seeing a little girls leg in a pile of rubble was enough for me- I just walked away from the TV. I am going to do the same with what is happening in Japan. I was not aware that being so sensitive to these events had anything to do with being bipolar so thanks for making that connection.
Dear Julie:
I always felt a little weird about not involving myself in world or national news knowing that all I could really do is pray. I guess I just instinctively knew that all it did was make me anxious and irritable. It’s self-preservation baby!
I fell asleep on the couch watching MSNBC’s coverage after getting home from work about 1 a.m. The wave hadn’t yet reached Hawaii.
Earlier this week, before the 7.2 quake in Japan, I had that “hunch” something awful was about to happen. When the first quake hit, I thought, well, that must’ve been it. Then this 8.9 quake and the subsequent tsunami. Wow.
Does anyone else’s spidey sense tingle before disasters like this? Mine did before Haiti, too. And countless other times.
Yes, it’s easy to ascribe certain feelings to certain events in the light of retrospect, but I’ve long believed we bipolar folk are especially sensitive to almost-undetectable signs many people ignore.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a superpower or magical gift, but an extension of the pathways our brains have created to detect situations that cause us anxiety and sadness.
Yes, a great piece of advice. I’m learning to live with my BP condition in a more balanced and healthy way. I still get tripped up in thinking I must react ‘more appropriately’ to the dramas of life, meaning I should get worked up like other people do, but that isn’t healthy for me. I have precious reserves of energy, as I see life now. Sometimes it’s a blow when I eventually realize I’ve ‘overdrawn my energy account’ once again, but I try to learn from it and be my best friend in it all. Thanks so much for all your work and caring Julie.
Solid advise Julie, My son w/BP and I miss all of this yesterday; I was astounded at the brief video coverage I saw when arriving at work this a.m. Thinking of getting home and catching up on all the video I’ve not seen and sharing with my son it didn’t occur to me that his exposure time to this should be limited even tho he’s 23. We’ll cut it short.
Dear Julie:
You are an amazing person is what I would like to start by saying. I gave your book, Loving Someone With Bipolar, to my current boyfriend and he is still by my side after the worst manic episode of my life. Please continue to do what you are doing. You Rock!!! Sometimes your emails have been the very lifeline that I’ve clung to in difficult times. It is very important that folks do something positive for themselves on a day like today instead of being chicken little and crying that the sky is falling. We all have lives and people depend on each of us in times of need and crisis, we need to be there for each other!
I hate watching the news. They play it over and over and over like it
Happening over and over. Makes people feel it over and over.
I’m from Louisiana and after the hurricanes I was at a doctors office
That had the fires in California running nonstop. The receptionist said
she could not change the tv, but I didn’t stop and found a nurse, who said
“OMG” and changed the channel. I know we all feel for those who are
in Japan and pray for them.
I suggest Change the channel to anything but the news. Find something
funny. Laughing is good for you.
pI agree and they always cover the disasters that way. Let something wonderful happen and you may hear about it once if at all. Us with bp dont need anything more depressing in our lives. We can pray and move on. Thanks julie for your advice and caring heart.
Wow Julie – You’re so right. I had never thought about it that way. I tend to get “tractor beamed” into reports on disasters, wars and severe weather. It’s hard to stop and I find it emotionally exhausting. Thanks for the tip!
Julie, your advice is so good that it also applies to people who DON’T have bipolar. My wife, who doesn’t have bipolar, avoids the news like the plague, to safeguard her own mental health. I, on the other hand, have a kind of obsession with the news, especially disasters. It is only because of my wife’s wise example that I can keep from being drawn into all of these awful stories.
Basically I think that taking on the misery of experiences beyond one’s own neighbourhood is above what even normal, mentally stable people can withstand. This world of instant global communications has its dangers for all of us.
Thanks for the blog, Julie! I TOTALLY relate to obsessing about bad news! I will try to follow your advice and watch enough to know what’s going on then have the self-control to stop. It’s in my best interest!
Thanks for the reminder and reassurance that I’m not alone in my response to disasters.
Warmly,
DesertGirl
Yeah here in Australia it was happening from dinnertime onwards, and I just couldn’t get to sleep cos I was watching, finally made myself turn on a silly sitcom instead and take a valium to calm down and got some sleep, Just gotta give yourself distance with this, cos its so easy to get worked up, esp when theres nothing we can do as this stage. All we can do it meditate or pray. I think that helps more than obsessing with media coverage.
You are so right, Julie. This has been my policy for years. It’s difficult because I have bipolar disorder and live with a husband who has the television on 24/7 when he is home. I really need peace and quiet to function. Turn it off!
What always extra disturbs me when I hear of a catastrophe like Japan or Hurricane Katrina is… what happens to those with a illness like bipolar who lose access to their medication. Although I have been weaning myself off a particular medication, klonopine, which I was given 10 years ago!, if I were to be cut off this immediately, I would have undesirable side effects. This is frightening!
I gave up watching the news and reading the paper years ago. I felt weird about it but I just couldn’t take it anymore; it would inevitably plunge me into depression. Guilt and anxiety, my typical reactions to the news, are not going to help the people that have been affected by a disaster. If I use up all the energy I have worrying about something I have no control over, I won’t have enough left over to do something where I really can make a difference. I figure if something happens that I need to know about, somehow I’ll find out. There is always someone more than willing to tell me all about it whether I want to hear it or not.
Some good ideas. I feel a responsibility to become aware. Illness comes first, so I temper my exposure. I’m a freak for basketball and that REALLY gets me going.
Thanks Julie, for all the helpful info over the years. Does anyone else with BP go into Manic Mode and feel the need to “fix” the problem? If I see or hear of a disaster, I immediately want to be right in the middle of it helping the victims. I completely disregard my needs or the “disaster” this causes for those around me; family, work, bank account, etc. I want to rush in, no holds barred. Any suggestions on ways to combat these impulses other that turn off the TV?
thanks Julie, you are so right. I often listen to the headlines, then switch off. I find the endless commentary & analysis can send my brain crazy.
Honestly world disasters don’t affect me in a negative way. I obsess about things that are “closer to home”. I am a facilitator for a support group, though and will read this article to my group and see what hey think.
You are right on the mark! I remember how 9/11 affected me and I just have to turn it off! Thank you for the gentle reminder.
First an earthquake and after that a tsunami, this is simply disastrous! So many people in pain, so many victims. I can only believe that the entire world will understand the situation and that we will have enough power to support them from all the perspectives! Listen up world and give a helping hand for them!
You have helped me so much on understanding this illness. I was married to a man with BP for twenty years, six months and sixteen days. I now have four grown children with BP. Older children and eight grandchildren.My younger son and younger daughter seem to be more effected. My son in Italy has now disowned all of us due to a spat with his older sister. All I could think of to do was to tell him how much I love him and if he ever decides to allow me back into his life I will always be here. Is there anything else you might recommend? Thanking you in advance. Christie
Hi Christie,
I have SO many people write who are in similar situations. I write about bipolar disorder and relationships in all of my books- but this topic is one that I don’t cover in detail. How does a PARENT learn to communicate within a family disrupted by bipolar disorder? My coaching is one on one – or with one family at a time. I am currently putting together webinars on the topic so that I can help more people and parents can talk with each other. I will keep you posted. There is so much need here. I do have answers and many tips. I think this is going to work really well. I may be ready for the groups in April and will put a notice on the blog. Thanks for your support. I will make sure your questions get answered in the groups. Julie
Julie
So this is the result of interfamial bipolar illness. My daughter Stopped talking to me 5 years ago(she is not diagnosed bipolar,but It was over 30 years fron my first hospitilization until the second where I was. In the past I denied contact with my own father 10 years and with my mother for 5 years. I am bipolar ,so is my son. There are other issues,but this letter gave me greater insight to this dilemma of family fragmentation from bipolar illness.
Dear Julie,
Your words and advice are so true, as usual.
On the one hand, watching the sheer power of nature is awesome; just the force of the earthquake moving the weight of so much water amazes me.
And then I focus on the human tragedy, the mind-numbing dimensions of this disaster. Disaster – the word hardly seems appropriate to something so immense as this.
When I heard that the tsunami was racing across the Pacific toward the West Coast, all I could think about was my daughter living in San Francisco. I’ve worried about her living in such an earthquake-prone area, but now, especially so. The Pacific Rim has withstood so many earthquakes in such a short timespan that I wonder when the San Andreas Fault will rupture…and if my daughter will be okay. I want her home.
But then, how safe is it here near Washington, D.C.?
I have a son in Paris. His father works at the U.S. Embassy there, where he must travel to the Embassy from their apartment in civilian clothes, in a chauffeured car with blacked-out windows, in order to increase his safety. Too many things to consider, too many “what if’s…”
Amidst all of these thoughts, I’ve been assisting my friend as he renovates his home, basically destroyed after his daughter and her family lived there in only two years. The neglect and willful destruction of the property is simply too much to consider, taken as a whole. Even small things – a refrigerator that required almost three hours to clean; toilets that I wonder were ever cleaned since the time I did it two years ago; towel bars, soap holders, toilet paper holders, all ripped from the walls. Five empty sockets in two light fixtures – five sockets in which the light bulbs were broken off but the metal section never removed. Fan blades so loaded with dust that they bend under the weight. A self-cleaning oven filthy with two years of neglect, its stovetop unclean. The refrigerator door is pitted with two dozen or so dents – and one hole where a drill bore a hole. A dryer with its lint screen packed solid. What miracle kept it from catching fire and burning its occupants? Or maybe a miracle that could’ve been – at least a fire would’ve been insured, and a new home built.
Four children living in squalor, inside and out. Behind the deck – rotting because no one had the good sense to repaint it – were five trash bags, two dirty diapers in the open, scattered remnants of toys and games that we’d given the family.
The occupants had no idea of community – what good neighbor would allow their yard to look like that? Who would use a neighbor’s side deck to store her father’s lawn mower, out in the elements, near the neighbor’s dryer vent?
I’m livid in another sense. I was left alone, with three children ages 9 months to four years old, in a four-bedroom colonial on a large lot and managed to keep the home and yard tiday and clean. Why would a family allow a smaller home and much smaller yard to decay as they did? How could they do this to their own family?
In this case, everything was preventable. In Japan, nothing could have prevented the disaster.
While I can turn from coverage on my computer (I don’t have television, either), it’s impossible to ignore what I help my friend clean each weekend. I’m running out of energy while I work to keep himfrom losing hope, while sustaining his efforts to restore his home. I have so many things that my own home needs, I have tasks that require my attention at work, bills that I haven’t had the energy to stay awake and take care of. I’ve literally had to pull over on the way to work and take a nap because I’ve repeatedly found myself in another lane, exhaustion catching up with me.
We’ve worked to find humor. So far, I’ve collected a little over five dollars in change throughout the house; I joke that it will come in handy to cover all the expenses at Home Depot. My friend grins as he asks me to take the bathtub he’s just removed from the worst-damaged bathroom outside; it’s a fiberglas tub that’s lighter than my briefcase. I’ll have to get a photo of me lifting it as I pretend that I’ve simply gained strength while helping with my friend’s renovation. Despite muscular aches and pains and headaches that scream we’re not 21 anymore, we laugh as we ease our overly-fatigued bodies into chairs.
However, on Saturday night I became overwhelmed with the sadness of it all. For hours and hours I sobbed for the children who were yanked – once more – from one home to another, two of them forced to switch from schools where they were happy and thriving, all because of their parents’ immaturity and lack of responsibility in the most basic of life skills. I sobbed for my friend, for his grief over his only daughter’s deception and outright lies, for the thousands of dollars in materials it will take him to repair the home with his own labor. I cried in anguish over my children, who truly are doing fine, but whose futures I worry over. And I sob for myself, for the weekends I’ve lost helping to restore a home destroyed by someone else’s abuse and neglect, for the lack of energy I feel to accomplish what I must do. At least I finally cried myself to sleep, which helped restore my soul and my body.
Too much. Way too much for me right now. I feel physically unwell today, so I have called in sick. I’ll try and pamper myself a bit while also working to get my own house back in shape – dusting, vacuuming, cleaning laundry. Paying bills. Even taking down my tiny Christmas tree. Thank goodness I’m not taking grad classes this semester or I think I’d end up hospitalized. Fortunately, I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow.
I’m so grateful that I have a loving God looking out for me. He’s even guided me to you, Julie, so that I could learn so much more about BP. You’ve taught me how to manage my illness, how to look out for myself, to seek help when needed. You truly are a gift from God.
So, I’ll take this day to heal as I’m feeling empty right now. I need to refill my cup to overflowing to I can share myself with my friend and students.
Thank you for reminding me of the need to do just that, Julie.
Thank you for everything.
Sincerely,
Sandra
Hi Julie, I know what you are talking about, I
Forgive me but I have another question? What are the odds of my grandchildren having BP? I feel very blessed to have four children with BP. Sylvia Browne says they are very gifted which they are and they really are all wonderful people who are so good to me. Even Mr. Cranky with the speedy temper reflex from hell. I know how much he loves me. Thanks so much for your replys. I will check out your books.. Love and Light, Christie
I have this happen all the time. My husband is a history buff. We met ot our fathers WWII reunion. (Commanders together. I know their men and their stories and they are all family ro me), but I have to leave the room whenever my husband watches it on TV. This goes for all violence, or tragedy. I can’t shake for weeks or months and it can come back on me later at any time.
Years ago, before diagnosis, correct meds, and therapy, I was a pro a denial. I watched Desert Storm from the beginning as my fiance was there, as was his son, and his son was on an Awacx(?) plane. At home I was glued to the TV with the phone in my hand and in my class room I had a radio to listen too between classes. But I wasn’t worried about him.
After that slit a close friend had leukemia. I was one of his primarys. His sister was with him at the VA all week and a brother and I were there on weekend. Another brother was a perfect donor match. One day a young doctor came to me and said ‘ You’re not family, and weren’t in the meeting. Has any one told you anything?’ ‘No.’ ‘Along with his leukemia he has a form of anemia that only gives him a 30% suvival rate.’ After running down 7 flights of stairs and sitting in the corner of the private nurses bathroom for a good cry, I ran back up 7 flights or stair back into denial and into my friends room where I believed right up until the week before.
With 9/11 I was watching TV when it came on and watched as the 2nd plane flew into the 2nd building. I couldn’t understand how they wondered if it was it was a bomb. Just from TV you could see it was a plane. I also couln’t understand why they thought the buildings weren’t going down. But I continued to watch because I had friends at a meeting on one of the top floors. Fortunately they were in NJ that day for another meeting. Two of my cousins watched the whole thing from their apartment window. Another cousin’s husband was at groud zero in 12 hours for two weeks with his search and rescue dog. After he went home I turned it off. Again, pretty fair denial, except that after years of treatment, my denial doesn’t work very well anymore. (a good thing but some times I miss it) I often wonder about his health but will never ask unless it’s offered.
Katrina; my husband is from Baton Rouge. I was in and out of the TV room. We knew people in New Oleans. Fortunately they came out safely, except the two medically trained who stayed to help. In Baton Rouge the population doubled overnight. but the riots reported were a great distortion. My brother in law lives there and took in 8 evacuees (NOT refugees). We were down two weeks later to help my mother in law. We saw those that were in terrible shock and needed someone to listen. I did. I still remember vividly and can see one man in particular. It doen’t go away. It just spaces further apart.
With the tragedy of Japan my mother called to say how proud she is that I have leared to put so many of your tips into practice. She suggested I write. Not the best idea because I tend to relive things if I Write of talk about them. Journalling helps so many people…. I seem to be the exception.
So there’s another topic. How to stop yourself from engaging in a topic that triggers PTSD which is so much a part of BP.
And I’m not going to proof this of I’ll delete all of it and there might actually be a smidgeon of something that might be of interest to someone.
Julie, I appreciate how useful your input is regarding daily, real-life matters. I will forward your blog to my son. I think he’s handling the Japan matter OK, but if it feels this stressful even to someone like me who does not have BP, I can only try and imagine how it affects those who are dealing with BP. Thanks.
One thing I’ve learned about great tragedies and natural disasters,,the ones that occur too far away for me to actively help alleviate. Do what I can, and leave the rest to those close by. Donate to the Red Cross, even if its only $5 bucks. Donate to a local church that helps the homeless or drug addicts. But don’t wear yourself down thinking you can solve the world’s problems, don’t let yourself become too depressed by it all. Life is tough everywhere for everyone. Help however much you can, then let other people closer to the disaster take over. They will. People are amazingly kind and compassionate after disasters.
Let those acts of kindness and bravery you see in the news give you hope for humanity. And practice kindness yourself — thats how we can improve the world. That kindness and empathy is our contribution.