OMG. My brain says the most ridiculous things- things I would NEVER say on my own. It creates relationships that aren’t there- goes over conversations that never happened and then makes me feel like it’s all true. It has taken me years to realize that I can deny these thoughts- yell at these thoughts and beg them to go away- sometimes this works, sometimes is doesn’t. It’s very hard to live with a constant conversation in your head.
I’ve worked on this for 13 years, so I guess it’s a never ending battle! It’s defintely better. The most important thing is that I don’t act out on these thoughts like I used to. This has saved my relationships- especially with the new people that come into my life. Watching my triggers diligently has made the biggest difference. I feel like a monk though. These days I’m learning to just let these thoughts roam around in my head and laugh at them when I can. Haha. My brain just said WHAT?
Julie
I’ve just discovered your blog and will be back to read more often. I’m a 25 year old mum of three small children with a husband in the Australian AirForce. I’ve recently been diagnosed a year ago with Bipolar 2 and I am currently rapid cycling. I attempted suicide in August last year and was hospitalised again in November. I am currently suffering from a mixed episode of “agitated depression” as my Pyschiatrist calls it. One week I’m great, the next I’m suicidal and impulsive. It’s so hard to get a hold on. I’ve been trying various medications but haven’t seemed to find the right one’s yet. I’m currently taking Lithium, Lamictal and Zyprexa. It’s nice to be able to read about people whom have similar experiences and struggles as I do, and maybe I can learn something from you. So thank you for speaking out xx
You know, I have always believed that these thoughts were normal, not considered part of being bipolar. I have Bipolar I and my thoughts are definitely obsessing me. I started reading a book called Women Who Think Too Much. It is interesting but a lot of it doesn’t seem to apply to MY thoughts. I ruminate over everything to the point that it makes me paranoid, depressed, and social-phobic. I just want to crawl into bed, or wander around the house afraid that one or more of these thoughts just might be true. I don’t want to face anything. So what exact ‘triggers’ should I be watching for? I want to know when my thoughts are irrational, but it is hard for me to distinguish which thoughts actually have a foundation.
Oh, I wanted to add that when I take Klonopin, the thoughts seem to ‘calm down’ at least enough for me to get to sleep at night. But I can’t go around feeling drugged all the time! There has to be some type of cognitive behavioral therapy to control these thought, doesn’t there?