Dancing With Your Bipolar Bear
One of life’s great lessons is to accept, master, and ultimately enjoy that which cannot be avoided. Chances are you already know that bipolar disorder is incurable, however, there is a vast spectrum of experience in between being a victim of the illness and living a full, productive, and happy life that includes it. Over the four decades since my first manic episode I have gone from one extreme to the other.
It is not my intention to underestimate or romanticize this rude adversary. I’ve done cracker factory time, engaged in all manner of reckless behavior, and rebuilt my ruined life time and time again. It’s a wonder I’m here at all. That said, let me urge you to hold on tight to this one bit of advice while trudging through the foreign and forbidding landscapes – embrace your bipolar bear and take it dancing.
The epigraph for my bipolar memoir, Invisible Driving, is by Rainer Marie Rilke, “Perhaps everything that is terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us.” Only through dealing with the illness did I come to understand myself and lose my fear of life. Learning why I was susceptible caused me to evolve in ways I never would have otherwise. Bipolar disorder has given me far more than it ever took; because of it I achieved the peace of mind and gratitude I enjoy today.
If you are new to the illness your instinct will be to deny and forget it – don’t. If you are new to recovery you may think you are “cured” and stop taking your meds – don’t. If you are early in therapy and meeting the demons responsible for your manic episodes you will want to turn away – don’t. If you feel stigma, if you feel “less than” because of the broken genes you carry – don’t.
The problem you refuse to face is the problem that will continually present itself until you do. Bipolar disorder is not a cute little foe; it is a monster you must not battle alone. Embrace it; let it teach you and guide you to places ?normal? folk cannot spell, much less imagine. Befriend your bipolar bear, it is part of you, embrace it and take it dancing.
Alistair, Wow! I don’t think anyone could say it more eloquently. Bipolar has left me alone for the most part for almost two weeks! I hope it is having fun dancing BY ITSELF! 🙂
Julie
Hi Julie – Thanks for the nice words. I really enjoyed writing this piece for you – and on behalf of Bipolar Bears everywhere – thank you for all you do. Alistair
Hi Alistair, I have been diagnosised as bi-polar for 5 yrs. take my meds like I should, but I still haven’t embraced this bi-polar bear yet. I have just came off a severe low that had put me in bed for a while and things are beginning to look clearer. Never knowing from one day to the next who I will be or which path this dis-order will take me down has me exhausted. I have not yet adjusted to living this way and sometimes wonder if I ever will. However, your words of inspiration make me realize there is hope and give me reason to think that one day I, too, will accept and embrace this life. Thanks for the insight, it gave me a new way to look at this dis-order.
Hi Bonnie: Thanks for reading and especially for writing. I have lived with our illness for a very long time and I assure you – it is possible to arrive at the point where it no longer influences your life at all anymore – and you can be as happy as you dare to be. Just work slow and steady, and have faith! Alistair