It’s been twenty-seven years since I heard the words that I still remember so clearly, “Lizabeth, you are a textbook case manic depressive” (now bipolar type I). I was seventeen and in the throes of a manic episode. The diagnosis did not mean a whole lot to me at the time. Psychotic features came along with it (for me those were delusions of grandeur and even some slight visual hallucinations). It pretty much came out of the blue—well after a trigger—but what I mean is that I never had any other symptoms prior to it. After a month-long hospitalization and when everything got back to normal, you would have almost thought that it just “went away”. I didn’t really consider if it would happen again. A few months later, I graduated from high school and went to college, took my medicine and listened to my doctor—that’s all that had changed—for then…
The long and short of it is that I did experience more manic episodes (and then we got the medication right), but years later it was the depressions (and especially the Seasonal Affective Disorder [S.A.D.]) that became more debilitating. Sure it’s been a long road of ups and downs, but what I realize is that even though there have been many difficult times, the good and healthy ones have been a bigger part of my life. I learned at a young age that compliance with medication and listening to my doctors (which I always did) would prove to help in the long run to help diminish the extremes of this illness.
Life after diagnosis was never going to be quite the same. I now had to pay attention to what it took to get to a place of wellness. But, it’s taught me a lot—about perseverance and the will to get back up each time. I did not and will not allow it to rob me of what I want to do. Slow me down, yes, but stop me, no. I continue to take my medicine and see my doctor. I have my faith, I exercise, try to keep my sleep in line, research, try to eat healthy, am active in a support group, have a wonderful support network of family and friends and I won’t give up—ever. My desire to just move on is what has always driven me. I’ve never wanted to stay in a place of feeling sorry for myself—for a little while is ok, but beyond that would only prevent me from moving forward. So, I guess I’ve kind of treated it as any other illness—you’re sick, you do what it takes to heal, and you recover. Of course there’s a lot more to it, but giving up has never been an option (of course, with all this being said—it’s still a ton of work).
I don’t take my health for granted and I celebrate the good moments because I don’t know how long they will be there (sometimes a long time and sometimes very short). I do thank God every day that I am alive. This illness has taught me so much and has definitely made me a more compassionate and empathetic person. If I can handle this illness as I have, others can too—and just maybe—the tools that work for me (after living with this illness for twenty-seven years) can help someone else.
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Lizabeth is a mental health advocate for people with mood disorders. She is actively involved in the The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) and The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) in the Metropolitan Washington, DC area. Her latest article appeared in bp Magazine (On My Mind series). She has recently completed her memoir and pursuing publication. If you would like to contact her, please post a comment under her post.
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Thanks to Lizabeth for this posting. I find her so amazing because she is dedicated to advocacy- the political and personal kind. I know that all of us have different ways to get the word out about bipolar disorder – for me it’s writing- for others it’s standing on the steps of a courthouse! It’s great that we can all work together. I will keep you posted on when Lizabeth’s book is published.
Julie
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Thanks for sharing your journey to health. It’s always good to read about how other people have traveled this road with success.
Liz,
Your positive outlook is so inspiring and encouraging. It seems you’ve always been motivated to do those things in your power to ‘stay healthy’ but what would be your message to those suffering from bipolar who continually struggle with being compliant and establishing a routine of self-care?
Lizabeth,
You have such a positive story. Like you, I was a textbook case of bipolar. As you describe, wellness is a ton of work. However, you are a great example of taking care of yourself and becoming a more compassionate and empathetic person.
Lizabeth,
I can’t wait to read your book!!!
Lizabeth, You are an inspiration, by being so proactive in/with your illness. Looking forward to reading your memoir.
Dear Liz: thank you for sharing so openly your story. As you continue to reach out to others who suffer as you have, you will be blessed as you are a blessing to many. Keep telling your story — it will save many lives. God bless you. I’m proud of you and it’s a privilege to know you well. Pastor John
Most of us have something to deal with in our lives whether it is disease or circumstances etc… As you have pointed out, it is not necessary for a set back to rob of us what we want to get out of our lives. You are a living testament that your illness does not define who you are but you define who you are.
Liz, I can’t believe it’s been 27 years. To be honest back then I was scared for you and what your future might hold. We were young and I knew nothing about mental disorders. Your journey has touched all of us who have known you. Through watching you battle and conquer this diagnosis you have made all of us more compassionate and understanding of others who face similar circumstances. I am so proud of you for the amazing woman you have become and I hope your book is published soon, you have quite a story to tell!
Hi Lizabeth. Thanks for sharing your story and how you manage your illness, day-by-day. I’ll be sure to share this blog with others that will find it helpful and inspirational. Good luck with the book.
Your honesty and talent in telling your story if beautiful. Sharing as you have will give others the courage and let them know they are not alone. You are AMAZING and I am blessed to call you my friend. Barbara
Perseverance and mental illness don’t always go hand-in-hand… sometimes I feel like it’s just easier to give up. I struggle more than I want to to not to give up. Thanks for reminding me to not let this illness rob me of the good stuff in life. I need to remember that. And your dedication to keep moving forward… wow. I needed to read something like this this morning. Thanks for writing. I like your honesty.
Lizabeth, what an inspiring entry! I salute you: for your candor, for being realistic about your illness, and yet at the same time persevering and celebrating the positive. I personally learned a great deal from your posting and am very much looking forward to reading your book when it is published.
I remember 27 years ago when your father was so worried about you and was searching for how to help you. It is good to see you writing about your story and realize it wasn’t an easy road, but one that you learned to live with. May your good times far out shine the bad times in 2013. Pastor Charles Lockwood