Julie powers all of New York with her bipolar tears!
These are the signs I’m in a situation that’s bad for my bipolar:
1. Trouble sleeping. I actually always have trouble sleeping, but in these situations I can’t sleep at all without sleep meds.
2. Crying and crying and crying. The waterfall I wrote about before. Crying a river. My eyes are all red today from crying all day yesterday. It’s not that I want to cry- and it’s not that the situation even warrants that much crying- it’s just what my depression does in stressful situations.
3. Feel hopeless and trapped. My brain starts to say terrible things about my past and my future and then I feel I have to get out of my present situation and just run away. I used to do that!
I’m in Michigan visiting my dad. The trip has been tough in many ways. I knew yesterday that making decisions during a waterfall session is not a good idea- so I very smartly called my therapist Robin. Her advice was so hard to do, but I did it and the issue is resolved. She said, “Be honest with your family. There is no other way. I think they will understand. If you want to leave early, then leave early. But not until you discuss things. You can’t assume things are as you see them. Depression really clouds your reality.”
It’s incredibly hard for me to tell people that my bipolar is taking over and I have to take care of the bipolar before I can do anything else. But if I don’t deal with the problem that is triggering the bipolar, there really is no way out!
I’m telling you today. There is a way out by telling people how you feel, listening to their responses and then working on a plan together. Of course it’s not always possible, but you always must try. Julie
Julie,
I am really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It seems to eke in when we least expect nor really want it to. I hope you do feel better. Good luck. We are all here if you need us.
Thanks,
Terri
Speaking honestly to your family during a bad time may allow you to leave gracefully, but many families do not have the mental or emotional resources to understand bipolar disorder. You may hear hurtful things when you bring up the subject. Their scorn and disbelief can only add to your pain. But it is possible to do a reality check by asking about a situation or comment that you MAY have misinterpreted. I have to do this frequently. Anger and paranoia about frends, family, even strangers can really warp my perceptions.
This can be done without saying the word ‘bipolar’. We shouldn’t have to do this, but sometimes we have to, to protect ourselves from the negative responses from clue-less friends and family. Not everyone can or wants to understand. Protect yourself. Share honestly with safe people only, unless your skin is thicker than mine.
I had my first experience with this after having been diagnosed with bipolar 2 this year. Family got to me today. I cried and retreated to my bedroom and slept for hours. Awful way to spend the day, but that’s all I was able to do right then. I wasn’t aware that the stress was building up so much for me.
Julie, your comments have helped me during this experience. I hope your situation resolves itself soon. Good for you hanging in there and, at the same time, helping to guide others with similar issues.
Here’s to a new start in 2011. May it be a healthy, stable year for all of us!
Susan