My mother is a genius when it comes to helping me with bipolar disorder, but it didn’t start out that way. It took her many years to know how to help me. I created my treatment program (The Health Cards) in 1998. There was definitely a learning curve for my family. When someone has bipolar disorder, family members want to help, but they rarely know how. All of the comforting techniques that work on others don’t work when a person is in a mood swing. Family members have to educate themselves.
It’s natural to say, “But you have so much!” when someone you love is depressed. It never works. It’s natural to say, “Why can’t you just focus? It’s a really simple thing to clean your house.” It’s natural to say, “It’s just dinner? Why is it so hard for you to cook dinner?” These questions are pointless as the person with bipolar doesn’t know the answers until they learn to manage the illness.
I always say, “You don’t have to understand why a person can’t do things when they’re having mood swings, but you can believe that what they’re going through is real and help them find a way to get better.”
Empathy is great, but it’s not really possible unless you have bipolar disorder- support is what matters to us.
Here is what makes my mother special:
1. She is not scared like she used to be. The Health Cards have given her a tool that works, so she knows what to do when I get sick. For example, when we first started using them, she had to say, “Get out your cards Julie. You’re psychotic. What do you need to do?” If I was too sick to get them out, she said, “I’m getting your psychotic card out now Julie. I will see what it says to do.” As you can see, this gives us tools when I’m too sick to help myself.
2. She edits my books so she knows my tips! In fact, she’s editing the book I’m currently writing with a friend. The one that is taking forever to get done. I have anxiety episodes every time I even sit down to write. She took the files and told me they were fine. Anxiety distorts my thinking- my mom knows my writing well enough to tell me if it’s good!
3. She isn’t embarrassed that I have bipolar and tells all of her friends she is proud of me.
4. She educates others. I once heard her say, “When you have to tell someone that your child has bipolar disorder, remember that the person you’re talking to probably has no idea what it is. It helps if you explain it while you give out the information. I say, ‘My daughter has bipolar disorder. You may have heard about it as it’s in the news a lot. She has mood swings and it can be really tough, but she works hard to manage it.” This lets others know it’s an illness and not something to be ashamed of.
My mom is a genius because she educates herself in order to help me. I am indebted to her and proud of her too. It isn’t easy having a child with a mental health disorder, but she simply couldn’t be a better mom!
Julie
PS: She is coming with me to California for my presentations on May 6-8th. She will be in the audience when I give the keynote at the Fiesta of Hope Dinner. Please find her and say hello!
Julie,
I work in the accounting dept. at Interim, Inc. and yesterday attended the Wellness Conference in Salinas where you were the Keynote speaker. I just wanted to let you know that I thought you were fantastic.
I personally do not have a mental illness but have several friends that do and your speaking about anxiety could be used to help anyone anywhere. I have worked at Interim for the past 6 years and it is our agency’s mission statement to help our clients with their illnesses. This is a great place to work because I have seen so many people just blossom.
Listening to your How can I make lemonade workshop yesterday was so informational. I realized that anxiety is in almost every aspect of everyone’s life and the tools you shared are so simple. Thank you for sharing.
Even with the room changes that were made you shared with us how hard that was for you and again, thank you.
I will recommend your books and resources to anyone who will listen because I feel that anyone can learn from you.
Thank you again for sharing your stories.
Diane Page
Hello Diane,
Thank you for your comments. I’m glad you liked the talk= because I was having quite a bit of anxiety during the whole thing. I expected a small group session where we would do exercises and have a nice chat- and then I was in the big room! So your comments are truly appreciated! Julie
Good read Julie about your Mom and you. I too am a Mom with a Son who struggles with BP. When he was first diagnosed I was so fret with worry and concern & really did not know where to turn for help. I found your website & made an effort to educate myself about mental illness & how it effects family and loved ones. Your books and health cards offer very helpful advice. Thank you for doing what you do Julie it really helps to share your wisdom. Atta girl! Give your Mom a big HUG and Happy Mothers Day!
Thank you! I would not be here without my mother. She is my biggest support. Julie
Very insightful article. You are so blessed to have a mother who is so supportive of you and helps you through your symptoms. Do you have any helpful tips for me as I have no support system. Thanks!
Hello Jennifer, if you sign up for my newsletter- you will receive quite a few that talk about finding those who can help. It’s a process. My book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder talks about it as well. It took me a long time to build a group of people around myself who were understanding of this illness. I also had to change and make sure that I was respectful of their needs. My blog for BP Magazine at http://www.bphope.com/bphopeblog also has tips on this topic. You can search for my name on the left hand menu. Hang in there. Step by step you can build a support system. Julie
Hi Julie,
I am happy to inform you that your blog has made Healthline
Hi Julie,
Congratulations! Bipolar Happens is nominated for Healthline