Life with bipolar disorder is up and down. When I am down, I know what to do. When I am up, I know what to do. My goal is to stay in the middle. Last night, I got some really exciting news about work. It was around 9:30 PM. I immediately went up. I didn’t want to.
I wanted to just take in the information and go to sleep.
Bipolar doesn’t allow this. I had an instant cascade of ideas. I wanted to get started on the project immediately.
I was not #manic when I heard the news. Within a few minutes, I started to get manic. This may seem impossible to those who are not familiar with my type of rapid cycling bipolar, but I really am this sensitive in both directions. I live on a balance board. I need to think about bipolar every minute of the day.
What did I do to calm down?
I immediately took my lithium orotate. I then took my sleep meds and added an extra dose of one of the meds. I forced myself to close my computer. I got in my room, turned off the lights and listened to a calming podcast. I did manage to sleep. These meds make me fat and hungry.
It’s not fair. Nothing about this is fair.
This morning I woke up in an down swing. I had the thought, ‘What is the point of work anyway? Why get excited about something that has no meaning?”
Bipolar is BS. That is the truth.
My goal today is to stay in the middle.
