There is a reason people with bipolar abuse so many substances- I can add stupid sex, quitting jobs, leaving the country and driving like a maniac to the above list!
We hurt sometimes- and when the meds don’t work or we refuse the meds or the side effects grab us by the neck, we want relief.
When you have an illness that affects the emotions, relief often comes in dangerous packages. Danger makes you feel alive- we do dangerous things to FEEL something. We do dangerous things to NOT feel something.
It’s human. So if you have bipolar and you get destructive when you’re sick, you’re normal.
There is a solution.
The solution is to manage the illness and use your good days to set up checks and balances that will prevent the dangerous behavior on the bad days.
For example, when my depression is bad, I isolate myself. As you may have guessed, I’m not exactly an introvert. If I could have a reality TV show record my every movement, I would. I would love it because that would help me feel alive.
It’s better than taking too much Vicodin or eating a half gallon of Bryer’s Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. 😉
We are regular people under these mood swings. Regular people struggle with dangerous behaviors, so imagine what it’s like for those of us who don’t get to choose our own moods?
I’m a striver- I strive to manage this illness. I strive to live. This past year changed me profoundly- it was a tough year and I made it through. I will not let this life be wasted. Writing this blog is my way of giving the finger to this illness.
It will not get me and it doesn’t have to get you either!
We can stay stable together!
Julie
Holy crap Julie! This is another one of your posts that applies to me and appears at exactly the time I need it. How do you do that? I just quit my job without having another one lined up. I was in trouble and facing disciplinary action and part of me just said “No” to putting myself through all of that. Terrifying? Yes! But, also probably the healthiest thing I have done for myself in a long time. I’ve already jumped into a hardcore bid for another position that appears to be a much better environment for me. Much to my surprise, I reached out to some contacts who enthusiastically agreed to be references, and I hope that I will be a strong applicant.
Like you, I found 2013 to be very hard. It was probably the worst year of my life and I honestly don’t know how I made it through last winter. Fortunately, I’ve recently (and belatedly) changed health providers, added a med. and increased my dosage of Lamictal and, wonder of wonders, things are getting better. It does happen! Directly because of you, I have also looked ahead to the two weeks of holiday coming up, and have developed a plan of action so that I do not just isolate and drown in depression. I think I’m going to get through this and make 2014 possibly one of the best years of my life. Thank you for emphasizing that having a plan and asking others for what you need is so vital. I think I’m finally learning to handle my illness better, and your advice has been a big part of that.
Thanks and Happy Holidays,
Susan
Thanks for the post. It resonated with me. I have to say, I don’t know what stable is anymore since I have been cycling 2 or 3 times a day. It is getting to me real bad. Too many darn stressors. Financial. Extended family and friends have shunned me. I am isolated /alone all day. I feel like I am in the process of losing my mind.
Happy Holidays to you. I no longer celebrate. What for? What am I celebrating.Having gone through hell this past year and looking forward to hell next year? Even ice creak doesnt cut it anymore. 🙂