I was diagnosed with ultra rapid cycling bipolar II with psychotic features in 1995. Now there is a diagnosis! I had my first hypomanic episode in 1980. So I have been living with bipolar disorder for all of my adult life. I’m 47 now. You would think that I would be used to it. I’m not. It always shocks me when I get really sick. The mood swings are just so odd. They can be so random and simply stupid- I can get psychotic just because someone is rude to me in public? That is crazy! I have an argument with my brother and I get in my car and cry so hard I can’t drive? I go out and have fun and meet someone attractive and I get OCD so badly I never call the person again?
How about the depression that comes from change? It can even be good change such as getting a book deal. Or how about the hypomania that starts simply because the sun comes out?
It’s hard to get used to this. I’ve done all that I can possibly do to manage this illness. It’s all in my books- It’s all written down in my Health Cards. I’m the expert! But bipolar could care less and it treats me just the same as if I were just diagnosed. I accept the diagnosis because I have no choice- but getting used to it has not been so easy! I’m so thankful I have a treatment plan that works or life would be really hard. I hope it helps to know that you’re not alone if you find this illness incredibly confusing. It simply is confusing.
Julie
