A relaxing picture for when we are restless!
Here is a reader question:
Hi Julie-
When you feel a down swing coming on what does it feel like for you? Yesterday when I started feeling “the great sadness” start to creep up on me, at first I could just feel my mood start to sink a little but then I found myself getting extremely fidgety. I started going a little crazy in my head saying things like “what is going on? I need to figure out what has triggered this. Is it this? Was it this? Did this have anything to do with it?” and the more I tried to ‘figure it out’ the more fidgety I was getting. I told myself to go read a chapter of Get it Done or listen to some music that brings my mood up or sit down and do a little work but I could not force myself to do any of that. I literally paced back and forth for at least an hour and then finally went to an appointment that I had set up for myself with a couple friends. The chatting wtih friends was wonderful and I forgot about those voices in my head and I’m doing much better again today but I was wondering what it feels like for you when you start feeling a down swing coming on.
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Keli….Goddess of Maui
Hello Keli,
I break depression into two categories: restless and weepy. The restless depression often gets confused with ADD, but it’s actually just a normal part of the mood swing. It’s all about how our brains work and has little to do with our work ability. When your thoughts say- What’s wrong! Why am I always like this! What is my problem! these are your reactions to the fact that your brain is not functioning correctly.
It’s so easy for us to blame ourselves when we get depressed. It’s part of the illness.
You ask about my tough day- I have ALL of the same thoughts and the same restlessness you have. I drive around and cry and get upset with myself. I miss work and feel worthless and hopeless. It’s part of the illness and it’s the same every time. Isn’t it amazing that those of us with depression can go through the same symptoms for years and yet we still think it’s our own fault!!! That is why depression is such a nasty down swing. It lies to us.
You went to see friends- that is one of the things I do as well. I make sure I have appointments that I must attend so that I don’t mess around all day getting nothing done. I write all about this in Get it Done, but I agree that sometimes doing what works is hard! I’m having one of those days today- I would rather be doing anything than writing. I keep getting interrupted by calls- I’m spending more time worrying about my current project than doing it. On and on. But then I make it stop. I simply say to myself- Get things done. No more driving around. Put yourself in a place you can work. Make an appointment later so that you know you have to be somewhere. Turn off your phone. Set a time limit on your project and just get going. I actually pump my fist and say get going Julie! My brain may not want to work, but I can. As you have read in the book- we all need to use our inner drill sergeant.
I can’t stand restless depression. It can really creep up on you- but there are ways around it. Action makes all of the difference! Thanks for writing and I’m glad you found a way to get better on a tough day!
Julie
I have felt very “fidgety” during this most recent depression…I have a book to write…a house to clean…appts to keep…etc…but, I couldn’t get anything done! I kept hearing the same voices…saying: you MUST do this and that, but my mind and/or body wouldn’t let me…thus, I stay in a “thought vacuum”!! Yuck!! This is my first experience with this type of agitation and irritation, I’ve been diagnosed since 1997…I’ve always had sad depressions and euphoric manias…my PDoc said that some antidepression meds could actually make me more agitated…we have started weaning off some of my Cymbalta and are raising my Seroquel…today was my first day in months that I felt some relief! I absolutely hate that confused agitated state. I totally understand where you are coming from Keli. Keep working with your PDoc and continue visiting with friends…I find that helps me so much to spend time with friends and to find some form of exercise that you enjoy. Good luck to you!!
I find I keep trying to do something, anything, to run from the sadness creeping into me like frostbite. I take some of the hints from the ‘Get it Done’ book, and it almost feels frantic as I try one then the other. Sometimes it works. I think it is desperation that makes me so frantic, not wanting to crash yet again. When I sink, I sink like a rock. I grasp for anything to keep me above water. I always mention these things to my doctor if I have days of it, and it may be time for my meds to be tweaked if I still am running, or if I finally lose the battle and crash. That is bipolar, up and down, and sometimes it wins… for a little while.
Hi, Keli,
You wrote “When you feel a down swing coming on what does it feel like for you?” I know when I’m starting to enter that “dark place” when I get easily fatigued, have difficulty concentrating, and want to sleep forever. I’m there right now, but I know that it will also go away with time, so at least I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve gotten restless and irritated when I’ve been depressed. I channel that restlessness into cleaning and organizing – the refrigerator, desk drawers, closets – you name it.
May I suggest that you stop trying to figure out what triggered this downswing and just ride it out for now? You will see more clearly after you’ve rested and feeling stable. For now, be good to yourself and just “be”. Stay compliant with your meds, try to eat healthy itms, and get outside to walk around a bit.
As you return to a stable condition, perhaps your friends could suggest what may have triggered the depression. If not, be exra vigilant in maintaining your stability, don’t take on too much to do, and dn not go shopping! Immerse yourself in a good book, puzzle, or play some games (I love “Crytoquips”).
I hope some of these suggestions work for you! Write back and let us know how you’re faring.
Sincerely
Sandra
Lots going on. Feeling very overwhelmed!
Today for the first time I was incredibly angry at this rotten disease…how it consumes my life and dictates feelings of despair and anxiety. I will go back to the doctor (again) but I am thinking there has to be another answer rather than medication.