Julie, how do I get my partner to read your books? Help me!
Hello to all partners out there who write me and ask how they can get a partner to read my books- use the Health Cards, take care of themselves and get better in general.
My answer to this question might surprise you. If you are one of my clients, the answer will not surprise you!
Answer: You can’t get someone to do something they do not want to do. That is not your job as a partner. It is not your job to manage someone’s bipolar disorder. It is not your job to beg and cajole and bargain.
Instead, it is your job to take care of yourself and learn how to be a parter of a person with bipolar disorder. You do this by using the ideas in my book when you interact with your partner. For example, you absolutely can learn to avoid the Bipolar Conversation as I teach in Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. That is completely up to you.
You can use the Health Cards and learn the signs that your partner is getting manic and protect your own money. You can learn that your partner does this and does that when depressed and see the signs at the very beginning.
You can get clear on your needs and set boundaries. If you need your partner to read my books or any book in order for you to stay in the relationship, then this is about you. Not about your partner. If you want someone to change for their own benefit, it will NEVER work. If you ask for someone to change in order to help you feel safe in a loving and stable relationship, then it is a choice they have to make.
We don’t change other people. We change and ask them to join us. If they don’t join us, we then decide if we want to stay. This is FREEDOM and believe it or not, this is when the partner who has bipolar gets interested in getting better.
Julie
PS: This was originally a post on The Stable Bed page on Facebook. This page is for partners of people with bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. Please join me if you are a partner. If you are a parent or care giver, The Stable Table on Facebook is for you. If you have the illness, please visit my Julie A. Fast page for my strategies.
