Mania is so hard for a family to deal with because it’s so selfish. People in a manic episode can’t see the needs of others- or even to care about the needs of others. Awareness just doesn’t exist.
There is also such a lack of insight the person can’t listen to reason. This is why the manic person becomes the center of attention and takes so much family energy.
– Mania makes you think of how the world relates to you and only you.
– Depression can be very selfish- but it’s different. Depression can make you whiny, agitated and lonely- mania makes you noisy and bossy.
Bipolar disorder is a tough illness to deal with in any family. I believe that families as a whole need a treatment plan. It has to be a family affair.
Julie
Hi Julie,
I often have the reverse problem with Mania. Instead of being too selfish I get way to generous and helpful. I donate more than I can afford, offer to do too much for others, try and establish charities, or community improvement projects etc. All of them are nice ideas, but during my last bout I was literally harassing a bank (thankfully only via email) for funds for my project. After all they owed it to the community as they had been virtually robbing the residents with their fees, credit card interest etc. Needless to say they didn’t give me the $70 million that I thought they needed to pay back to the community:)
Hi Lisa,
You are SO correct that this can happen. Mania can make you feel so involved- it’s as though the wall that exists between reality and a dream simply disappears and you make terrible decisions! I certainly understand.
Julie
I can look back and see where my whole life has been a ‘ give away ‘. I had no idea at the time that it was because of BPD and hypomania. I have given so much away that it startles me ,even now. I have always given away more than I could afford. I still have real problems with this- on a lower level. I have this ‘need’ to give, give, give. Then, when I get irritable, I feel like no one really cares and everyone takes advantage of me, people stink and life is yuk? Can you relate? BP seems to distort everything!
Hey Julie!
I hear you loud and clear. I’m having trouble with letting go of my mania. I suspect that once I give it up and mourn the loss I will get better. At this time I am still quite hypomanic to the point of putting my 17 year marriage at possible risk. I feel like I’m at an enormous crossroads in my life but I can’t be trusted to make great decisions right now. How do I make good decisions about standing up for myself when it may be the mania tricking me?
– Melissa –
I always know if mania is the problem because I look at my Health Cards lists and look at what I think, say and do when I’m manic. There is no way I can remember what I’m like unless I write it down first. Mania distorts everything! If you look at my sample Health Cards, you can see that I always say the same thing at first when I start to get manic: I say:
“I’m not getting manic am I? This isn’t mania is it?”
That is what I always say- and it makes me so angry- because I am feeling so very good and it’s so very unfair that it’s mania. But I know that the decisions I make after I go in that direction are always wrong- they are always based on a false belief that all of my choices will be good ones. My mind says- So go for it Julie! Things will be great!
This is not true.
It doesn’t work that way- my choices are always poor when I’m manic- they just feel good. I have learned to choose the behavior and its consequences instead of making choices based off feelings. Outcome is what matters.
Evaluate your current behavior and thoughts-= which ones will damage your relationship with your husband? It’s probably the same things that caused damage in the past. Smart people know to stop now – before relationships are ruined. I know that you’re smart because you are here learning about this illness and you are thinking of your own behavior. Now is the time to make smart decisions based off of what you want in your future- not what bipolar tells you it wants right now!
Use your Health Cards and choose wisely. I believe in you! Julie
I am trying to evaluate my behaviors with the Health Cards. So much of yours are just like me. I find this overwhelming and I can’t concentrate. My recall is the pits and I just can’t focus very long. I just spent 45 minutes on the phone with someone and I can recall little of the conversation. Maybe it’s because I talked too much. What is it about a BP person that makes us feel compelled to keep talking and talking and talking? I don’t think it has anything to do with the mood I’m in. Or does it have everything to do with it? I’ve read a LOT and seems this is a core issues with all who live with BP. Can you shed more light on this subject? I have truly tried on my own and I just can’t make this change. I just want peace in my brain. I have it in my heart because of my Faith. I want my brain to catch up!
Julie:
I am just learning about BP and I need much insight now. My boyfriend of five years, who’s bipolar, recently up and left me for another woman with no warning. He called me from his work and just told me.
I want to be very careful here because I know not all behavior can be attributed to BP, and I don’t want to offend BP sufferers.
My BF is on meds, but he doesn’t display the real low, depressive moods. I have seen him when he’s manic. Once he targets something or someone, he starts to obsess.
His finances are a wreck, he’s been in trouble at work and the woman he’s with now has a severe addiction.
My BF already has an addictive personality, has boundary issues and I fear that she will easily pull him down.
When he left me, it was as if he was singularly focused and not even aware of how deeply he was wounding me. I had no idea he was looking around, although I caught him on Match.com. I repeatedly asked him not to look, that this was hurting me. He said he would stop, but obviously that wasn’t true.
Then he calls me shortly after he broke up with me and asks how I’m doing. It was as if he totally erased the five years we were together and had no idea of the impact of his decision.
I have been reading your book and he has said many of the leading comments in one form or another.
I take his betrayal personally and I am just trying to make sense of this all. I don’t know where BP begins and his personality starts.
Could all this be a sign of mania?
Thank you!
My boyfriend of 10 years did the exact same thing. He bought a one way ticket to Florida. Met some girl, completely ignored all of my calls and texts, lied to my face about being with this woman. He answered my call once at 4am and he was still awake. He basically said “I only care about myself and I want to do things for me and stop caring about other people.” He also ignored his family. Partied all night and didn’t sleep. I found out he went sky diving too. Kind of impulsive right? He finally came back to California a MONTH later with a new girlfriend and just texted me: “I want you to know i am seeing someone else.” After 10 years, that’s what I get. When I first started dating him, he was in some sort of “episode” and nothing this extreme happened until now, 10 years later. He was on seroquel when we first started dating but he went off of it a year or so later. I don’t know if this is a manic episode, but it sure sounds like one. Maybe I am just trying to justify that he up and let me, I dunno. He’s been depressed in the past and told me he’s had suicidal thoughts. All the more reason to suspect bipolar, right?
Ok. So so do I have something that doesn’t fit into any of these categories or am I just mis-reading it? I find myself ‘quiet’ when I’m not around other people, but if I drop something, I hear myself yelling at myself or whatever I dropped…as if it can hear me. I’m still so irritable I can’t stand myself and then can become the life of the ‘party’ when I get with other people. I either feel really great and energetic or I feel claustrophobic and antsy, can’t stand noise and lights etc. There never seems to be a middle ground for me. If it is, it doesn’t seem to last very long. The older I get, the more irritable I become. Sometimes, it seems that I am both ways at once or feel great one minute and ‘down’ and irritable the next. I can feel pretty good but still be so irritable. Sometimes it feels as though I am in both moods at once with alternating feelings of overwhelming anxiety (that I don’t verbalize)and my brain feels like it will never go to sleep. Even when I sleep, my dreams seem so stressful. Hypomania? Dysphoric hypomania? Euphoric mania? Seems that if there was just a majic switch to calm my thoughts, all would be well. The constant checks and balancing act is debilitating. What would it be like to just relax? Can’t take meds. And I get really hacked about that. Why can’t I be like other people that get help from the meds? And then the woe is me cycle starts all over again…. I’ve read so many books and gone to so many docs; most of them WISH they knew what to say and how to help), yeah, right. They mostly care about their bank accounts. That’s been my experience. Anyone out there going through similar stuff? I so want to be able to get to the bottom of this and live the rest of my life in some semblance of peace and ‘normalcy’. Hmmm. could it be that I am still in denial of sorts? I hate being this way! Any comment would be appreciated.
It all depends on the individual. If they were selfish to begin with, then mania will make them all the more selfish. Just like steroids and aggression. Steroids just make an aggressive person more aggressive.
I spent 15 years (of my 28) being sympathetic and compassionate towards bipoles. All of the kindness has been viewed as weakness in the bipoles’ minds, and I have received nothing in turn from them except for cruelty. I urge anyone reading this to stay away from bipoles and manic people because they are truly evil and want nothing but to hurt you. Don’t buy into any of the teary-eyed crap from manics written above; they all are just manipulating you for ego boosting.
Hello Jon,
I decided to post this comment as I want to make sure all opinions are heard on this site- I don’t allow bullies or trolls as you know- but I can tell this is a comment that comes from the heart and from your experience. I would like to say that if you have experiences with someone who has UNTREATED bipolar disorder, you will certainly go through hell, especially if the person is mean when manic. As a person with daily bipolar disorder symptoms, I often have mean thoughts and behaviors that I would never do when well are very close to the surface- like most of the people on this website- I manage this and don’t take my bipolar disorder out on others. I have a suggestion- my friend Randi Kreger who wrote the book Stop Walking on Eggshells has an excellent website http://www.BPDCentral.com that might give you some more information as to why the people in your life have been manipulative- bipolar disorder is episodic. We ONLY have symptoms during a mood swing- this means that the people who hurt you would at some point be open to a reasonable talk about their behavior. Even in the most intense bipolar disorder cases, we ALL have periods of stability. If the behavior you experienced was consistent over time and was not episodic with periods of regular behavior in between, I suggest you look at Randi’s site to see if any of her work rings true to what you experienced. I have many friends with bipolar disorder- and of course, all of my friends are friends with someone who has this illness! It used to be an issue- but once I created and used my Health Cards my relationships stabilized. A note to those who are on this site- I don’t feel that people with bipolar disorder see others as weak- and it’s rare that people with bipolar disorder are consistently cruel- please continue to write your opinions on this site without fear of being judged. I want to hear opinions that come from the heart- even when they are hard to hear. Jon, let me know what you think about BPD Central. Julie
Mania IS selfish, usually. It’s part of the Illness of Manic Depression. Which is a Brain illness. Is this New information? That’s part of the devastation. We aren’t DOING SOMETHING TO HURT PEOPLE. We usually hurt ourselves.
Yeah, people who haven’t read enough, are basically uninformed and not strong in their own healthy egos can be bowled over by someone with this Severe mental illness.
Bipolar I, in Mania and Suicidality Now,
bayoumel
I have read lots on this subject.
Even taken tests that would qualify me for taking free meds.
But I would really like clear points defining the difference between selfishness and BP?
Yes people do bad things at certain times….. As do selfish people.
People have suicidal thoughts….. But that can be selfish and self obsessed emotions too , not considering others?
I know at least 10 (on meds) BPs. And yes they can be nice then manic ! But still see no difference between being selfish and self obsessed.
I ask this as most BP’s I know have their biggest problems when drinking, gambling, drug taking or being promiscuous! Like anyone else. But they are most likely to have the most drama!
I can be like this too but try very hard to keep myself In check . That may not be often as l would like.
My dad is a nightmare screaming everyday , angry or passionate monologues then acts of kindness.
I would love to find that has been the problem all these years and he is not just another selfish and self obsessed guy.
He has recently developed diabetes , now that can be medically proven via blood test and give him a valid reason for mood swings. Still not a justification .
I do not wish to offend and I feel most of my BP friends (diagonosed or not )would form an opinion of me and not be happy if I asked them.
I thank anyone for future responses that helps me understand the differences and how the drugs or treatments help.
Many thanks
I can totally empathize with you Julie. I’m in a manic phase right now and my best friend, who is like a sister to me, said to me “why are you always so selfish?” It hurt me deeply because I really do care about her and I do try my best to be accommodating but I take a mental health day once a week and today is a mental health day. I feel that if I don’t just be quiet and shut my brain down I’m going to freak and have a psychotic episode. I rapid cycle at least 3 times a year and it’s been very hard because I was off my meds for over a year. I just started taking them again in February and it is taking a long time for me to stabilize. I’ll be manic one minute we can depressed the next. I often have thoughts of hurting myself because physical pain is so much better than emotional pain. The feeling of being completely out of control with your thoughts, your actions and let’s not forget the memory loss, is devastating and heart-rending. I know that bipolar people have a stigma and it’s difficult to live with this disorder and explain it to loved ones and family members who don’t perceive you as being a whiny, dramatic, over-indulged, crack pot. I’ve lived with bipolar for 10 years, at least it was diagnosed 10 years ago. I don’t know how to respond to my friend. She knows I’m bipolar but I think sometimes she doesn’t really understand how much the illness takes over my life and I don’t think she realizes that I’m not being mean on purpose. I’m not being selfish on purpose. I’m not being spacey and forgetful on purpose. How do I help her to understand without preaching to her?
Okay so here it is… It’s long story but I need to get it out.. I met my ex on a website that was kinda for casual dating… So we started talking and he came across as the most sweetest attentive smart compassionate guy I have ever met!!.. I mean he really blew me away, even though we were starting out not serious he started sending me Uber’s that I’d take from my job to my house because I had a 20 min walk and I was working 3pm-11pm and he said he didn’t want me to walk home that late. (This is even before we met in person). We were texting all day and night and we would talk for hours at a time. So I was already taking a liking to him he really stood out to me even though I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend just something very simple at that time but it was very nice of him.
So then we meet, he meets me at my job and he is again the same sweetheart if not even better in person. From that day on we spent every weekend together, I was living at my family’s house and he was living at his family’s house also. Honestly To be the age he was and still at home maybe should have been a red sign but I didn’t see it like that because he was sooo good to me.. So he was 20 years older then me, (I was then 27 I’m 28 now) he later told me his relationship before me of 3 years ended because his ex spit in his face and he almost choked her to death and got locked up and went to jail and he lost his house and everything so he winded back at home.. So that’s fine. (Probably wasn’t) So he would always get a hotel every weekend and we would go out to dinner and then spend the night with each other. It was amazing we made love we laughed we drank he was so super protective of me, if I was having a bad day he would rush to my rescue (he lived almost two hours away) It was amazing he literally was treating me like his wife and we kind of started to fall in love. He had told me within the first month of us meeting that he really loved me. I actually felt a little weird because I thought it was a bit premature but when the second to Third month came around I started to feel for him as well and I asked him “Are you falling in love with me” and he said “yes I am” So as much as this had started out “Casual” we had fallen for each other. And so I started to let my guard down. He seemed perfect And he kept doing the unthinkable things.. He then took me and my mother out to dinner and that was huge for me and my mother Loved him she thought he was a keeper. And so it was perfect! He was my best friend we talked about everything and anything… He was literally my prince charming on steroids! I then started to feel like I have found the one I have found the guy for me finally!
So here are some things I kinda glimpsed by because I was so busy caught up in him sweeping of my feet. When we first met he did mention to me that he takes meds for some anxiety and stuff, and he goes to therapy every two weeks. So I heard that and I just thought maybe he has a bad case of anxiety.. I had kidney failure about three years prior to meeting him and I was on prednisone and I had gotten bad anxiety as well. So I took Paxil for a while, so I was familiar with anxiety and didn’t think anything of it… (Boy was I wrong for not prying) Also he said that he has father abandonment issues (his father left his mom and she had to raise him and siblings) and he always keeps dating women with children trying to Fill that void of being that father for kids without fathers in there life. And he winds up raising them and he didn’t have any kids of his own… The last ex had two children and so did his ex wife and others before that.. It always ripped him apart when he had to separate from the kids. So he made it very clear he is in therapy and needs to break the pattern and he also said he would never date another women with kids. He said the last relationship got so ugly and he lost it and he never wants to repeat that ever again. So I heard that and I was like okay I get that.. I was single no kids never been married so I figure he really liked me because of the no baggage situation and that was a plus for him..
So now his family knows of me and I have spoken to his sisters on the phone and via FaceTime and they asked when I was coming over they like to meet me.. He has even told me that they have said numerous times they think I’m the one for him since I’m spending so much time and they are so excited to meet me. And things are great. We had one hiccup where we got into a argument on New Years and he definitely overreacted and said he wanted to talk to his therapist before we made up.. And that kind of was odd I thought he’d just process it himself and know he loves me and we’d make up but he was very aggressive with not making a decision until he talked to his therapist. So deep inside I said to myself, I hope he’d come out wanting to make up because I loved him SOO much already and it was a stupid drunk fight.. So right then I felt like I was in limbo and I almost felt like I was not only dating him, but his therapist too since he couldn’t make the final decision on his own. SOO that was wired. But he came back and was like it’s fine let’s make up, I love you so much. And we proceeded like nothing happen. So I really wanted to move out of my family’s house and my credit wasn’t good so he signed a lease with me for a apartment that I moved into and this is about a year now.. Now he is always over and spending the night and everything was amazing he helped me decorate buy things for the house.. He was buying gifts like always, It was bliss.
He had now finally wanted to bring me to his family’s house he had mentioned he would have brung me sooner then a year, but he wanted to make sure I was around and considering he had broke up with the ex 6 months before we first met he didn’t want to rush. And I thought that was perfectly fine and made sense.. So we are getting closer and closer and I am totally considering all possibilities even marriage. I am the happiest I have ever been and he appeared to be as well.
So one day all of a sudden, I made a joke with him like I usually did, if he messes with me he’ll be stuck with me because im so amazing and he would usually say no he’s amazing and we would both laugh.. It was a joke I have made all the time.. But this time he just came back with a serious response.. He said “well not if I find a girlfriend I wouldn’t be dating and sleeping with you” and he was so deed serious I tried to laugh it off but he didn’t laugh and I was put off and I kinda got upset. So the next day he came over and he was like a different person. He was cold and he didn’t mention anything about the comment and how it hurt my feelings, knowing how I feel about him and how we felt about each other. So we started arguing and he was saying he can be with someone else and who am I to tell him who he can and cannot date.. We had both agreed that we wouldn’t be with anyone else so it broke my heart that he was speaking to me like that.. And so I said if you feel that you want to actively look for someone to date then why are we together and he said “you know what this is”.. So we had not talked for a couple days and I was extremely hurt and I heard Nothing from him. So I reached out and said let’s talk and we did.. and He was saying how he has issues and that they are serious and I don’t understand how serious it is and that he’s Bipolar. That was the first time I had even heard him say that. So I didn’t know what that even meant, but I said okay well I’m sorry about what happen and let’s work it out.. He had always made comments that were mean sometimes, but he’d ALWAYS immediately apologize for being mean, and we’d always make up instantly so this time was really weird… So he said well let me talk to my therapist first, and we’ll see from there but as of now I don’t want to get back together. And like the other time, I was a bit annoyed of him not being able to feel me and want to make it up with me especially since he was being very mean and cold to me. And the fact he didn’t want to make it work off the bat was hurting me too. So we went back and forth with little Communication, for two weeks until his session and he was super distant didn’t want to come over, wasn’t texting me anymore, it was like he had changed into some else.. So he finally goes to his therapist and he comes back with, nope my therapist agrees with me we should be done. And I was so baffled! I was like but why because we had a small argument and he started to say he didn’t want to continue these bad patterns and I was like WHAT PATTERNS?! And said that he is doing too much for me, and it’s not healthy for him and he can’t do it anymore.. So this went on for THREE months of back and forth me saying well let’s be together and we both work on changing your patterns together, I was even willing to go to therapy With him .. And he would say, Okay but you want more then I can give right now, I can’t be in a relationship right now. Then he’d say wait don’t leave, let me ask my therapist and then he would come back with a “No it’s not healthy for me” and I was trying so hard to make it work and he was just mean cold and just wanted nothing to do with me anymore.. Like he had never met me before and he didn’t even know me. It DESTROYED ME! I had lost my best friend.. He wouldn’t text me, see me, nothing anymore.. He had cut me off cold turkey and said let’s just be friends. Now fast forward to the end of the three months we went back and forth “trying to work it out” He finally came over because I said I had missed him and AGAIN was going to try and make a attempt to “work it out”, because nothing I had been saying, had been getting through to him, and I just couldn’t understand how he could treat like that. When he came over he was SUPER distant… So a conversation came up and he said “oh well if you want to talk next weekend, it wouldn’t be a good time to text me because I’ll be in Florida”, and I said “oh okay”. I asked, “with who with your family”? and he said “no with a girl” and right then and there my heart ripped apart.. I said “what girl?” He said a girl he had be seeing for about a couple months now.. And I asked if it was serious and he said “no not serious at all, but I’m sleeping with her” and my heart just stoped and then I said “wait while we have been going back and forth trying to fix this, you’ve been with someone else” and he’s says “yup” and I started BAWLING so hard and he was just sitting there like cold faced. He pulled me over to his Chest but didn’t even put his arm around me and I literally soaked his shirt and cried for about 30 mins.. So then he wants to leave as I’m still crying, and that made me cry even more.. So now he’s leaving and I go downstairs and he says to me stop crying I promise I will make it better, I’ll do better please I love you it won’t be perfect but it will get better and I still cried and went back upstairs totally DEVASTATED..
So the next day He had FaceTime me and I tried to hold it together but I broke down then as well, and I just wanted him to come over and console me and he refused saying he has a date that night. I couldn’t understand how he just left me like that, crying begging for him to be there for me.. And I couldn’t understand how he out of nowhere, just changed on me, like I was nothing, like the last year we spent together inseparably meant NOTHING.. I didn’t even know who he was anymore, the guy I loved, if I had a bad day would flee to me, if I was sniffling he’d come running with medicine and stay with me.. Who was this person!!! I was lost, hurt and feeling the lowest of low… He had started to reach out a bit more afterwards and wanted to go to dinner, so I did. Even with all the hurt feelings I loved him and was hoping he’d realize he was breaking my heart. We had dinner and I said I wanted to stop all of this and get back to who we use to be, and he went on to say that he wants me in his life but he is seeing someone else and I started to ask questions like do you love her and he said “Yes” and I said you just met her and he said when I just met you I said “I love you” and he said I’m free with love.. Then I asked him if he see’s a future with her because if so I will bow out because I don’t want to be hurt anymore. And he said no but she has met his family already.. My heart dropped AGAIN, I was completely confused. I said it was over a year before I met any of your family and he just shrugged and said I am being open this time around open to all possibilities.. I was lost then he told me she had Two kids and then I was really baffled.. I told him of all people why would you want to date the same exact situation you just got out of and you swore you wanted to change and you were going to therapy for.. He just looked delusional… I said how could you do this to me we didn’t even part ways yet, I love you so much and you are moving on with someone else in the meantime like I mean nothing to you?!.. It hurt me to my core. I totally didn’t recognize this person, he was cold and mean. He then began to say that his family said who is this person when he brought her over, and why are you dating someone with kids AGAIN knowing his issues with it.. And they criticized his therapy saying it’s not working or he should UP his dosage because he not progressing.. And he said he told them to mind there business, maybe they need to be on meds because he’s fine. So I said to him, I love you I want to be with you and I can’t be in limbo with someone else, if you want me it has to be us like before.. I asked him straight up do you see yourself with me and he said yes I do and I said then let’s make it work.. and he said AGAIN okay let me talk to therapist about it, and I was already broken kind of already knowing how that pattern now goes.. But I said okay with no hope what’s so ever.. He kissed me goodbye and I just waited brokenhearted, thinking how could he pick someone he just met over me, I was with him for over a year.. And after his session he came back and told me that AGAIN his therapist agrees with him and he needs to go through the process of dealing with someone with kids even though he doesn’t want to be with her, he said he just wants to go through the process.. I said but you don’t see yourself with her in a relationship or taking care of her kids? And he said that it had nothing to do with her or her kids or how he felt about her, it was important for him to go through the process of doing it.. And he said yes it seems like he’s just playing with people’s lives but it is important for him to do, and he doesn’t care about what his family thinks or me or her it’s about him and his growth.. And he said he thinks there could be a reality where he dated someone with kids and he didn’t have to take care of them and separated it.. I said when you date someone with children and you move in and move forward, you are taking on the responsibility of her and her children not just her it’s a package deal.. And he just said no no and he had just officially lost me.. He wasn’t even making sense anymore.. And he was then now getting annoyed and tried to rush me off and at that point I was so hurt I couldn’t even talk anymore sense to me he had made his decision… This was yesterday and I’ve been having anxiety, suicide thoughts, and all types of depression and I just don’t understand.. I had did some research on the disease during the three months we were in limbo and I read that when bipolar people hit mania, they can become destructive and hurt people, So I’m wondering if how he went from Prince Charming for a whole year to a complete cold ruthless person, I’ve never seen before, If that’s the episode he is going through now. Please help I am lost, heart broken, and I can’t even breath anymore.. He did tell me that he was Bipolar 2 toward the end,so I’m thinking this is a Hypomanic episode but I really need some help on what to do and how to cope please help thanks!
Is there a way to get an individual to seek help if they don’t think there is anything wrong with them? As he feels he is ALWAYS right, nothing bad is ever his fault, and the way he treats everyone is because they are selfish and stupid it’s hard to get him to even consider the problem is with him. I can see it so clearly because as his mother (he’s in his 30’s by the way) I’ve witnessed it for years and know what it is as can others but how do we get him to seek help? He will go along fine for months and months then all of a sudden out of the blue he becomes angry at everyone, says everyone is using him, etc. then just as suddenly as it appears it’s gone but the damage left in its wake can be devastating. His 6-year-old daughter is usually the one caught in the middle of it all.
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic on and off for about ten years a dozen years ago. Moving forward I met and married a wonderful man who seemed to have a great family. His mother is bipolar, a hoarder, a control freak and manipulator. His father has many of the same traits and loves to add guilt trips to the mix as we currently live in my home state of LA but travel back and forth, often to the detriment of OUR household, to help as his parents age. I am at my breaking point where his parents are concerned. His mother uses the word “can’t” as the excuse for anything and everything she does or doesn’t do and loves for people to feel sorry for her (master manipulator). I am at the point where I no longer want to be around this and all my husband talks about doing is moving back. My comment to him is that I have a business in LA that I’ve been slowly building and I do not wish to be nothing more than the glorified maid to his parents full time when it is bad enough that every bit of his vacation time from his employer is spent doing for two people who only want more and more and more. The alcoholic ex boyfriend felt that he should be given a pass for every bit of his lousy behavior no matter who it hurt or affected because he was an addict. It is much the same here……except my husband tells me I have to overlook EVERYTHING that his mother does much for the same reason. I say BS. How is one simply NOT responsible for every negative of their own life?? His dad just had major surgery and his mother simply “can’t” make it to the hospital unless she is chauffeured by someone and catered to but can drive herself to get her hair and nails done without blinking an eye. I resent being here when our life is based in another state and needs for our household ten hours away are always put on the back burner for two of the most selfish people I’ve ever met. Help.