My bipolar disorder diagnosis liberated me from the jail of wondering why I was such a mess!
From age 19 to 31 years old, I constantly wondered what was wrong with me.
- Why was I so depressed and then completely wild?
- Why did it take me eight years to finish college?
- Why did I lose friends and then make them easily?
- Why did I get on planes to other countries without a plan in place?
- Why couldn’t I hold a job for more than a year?
- Why did I leave all of my boyfriends?
- Why was I so certain about my life in one moment and would then suddenly decide that everything was wrong and I needed a change?
It was exhausting. Then I heard the words that changed my life, “Julie, you have ultra rapid cycling bipolar disorder two with psychotic features.”
There’s nothing good about having bipolar disorder, but wow, it was so good to finally have answers to my questions. It has been difficult to manage and life is a challenge, but at least I know the truth!
What about you? Do you feel better now that you have a diagnosis? Is your loved one diagnosed? People tell me they don’t like labels. I don’t a bipolar disorder diagnosis as a label. I see it as an explanation that helps me go easy on myself when my behavior makes no sense.
I had always said that same thing! I definitely was relieved to have a diagnosis, it explained so much of my life. I just wish I had been diagnosed sooner so I could have begun treatment and perhaps prevented the havoc the illness wreaked on my life and the lives of my family.
Yep, it certainly explained a lot! I go easier on myself now and I have tools in place (including some of Julie’s literature) to help. Because I have a diagnosis, I know to eliminate or reduce triggers and that has helped immensely. Meds have also helped although I don’t like to admit I need them.
Last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar NOS. After starting with a new pdoc, she diagnosed with cyclothymia with years of wellness. I was on lithium, but due to an eating disorder, I was changed to lamictal in which I had started 4 weeks ago. I titrate up to 100mg tomorrow. I have issues with obsessive thoughts at times. This has recently started in thinking every little thing I have is a possible symptom of the deadly rash associated with lamictal. I have currently had allergies, sinus issues and a sore throat that only occurs in the late evenings or early mornings. I do not have a rash or fever. I have called my pdoc today and am awaiting a call back. I check every little thing on the internet regarding lamictal and sjs and tend to freak out thinking I am going to get SJS. My husband believes that it is my way of getting out of taking my medication, which as being a perfectionist, I have issues with taking. So, I do I get over my fear of taking lamictal? I like the way I feel on it, it is just my fear of the rash is being detrimental to my recovery.
Hi Terrid,
The dangerous rash that may happen with Lamictal is VERY rare and I feel the doctors are too cautious in terms of not keeping a client on the drug. In 15 years of my work in bipolar disorder, I have met one person who had the rash. I actually saw it. When you think of the tens of thousands of people I know with bipolar disorder, this shows you how very rare it is to get the dangerous rash. It was serious for her and she went off the Lamcital immediately. You still have to be careful, but it really is rare.
The complicating problem is that Lamictal does cause a benign rash that is red and itchy- it’s often on the cheeks, the neck and the trunk of the body. But it’s not serious and can almost always be fixed by lowering the dose of the Lamictal and then slowly going back up. If you have a doctor who is up on side effects, and it sounds like you do- he or she will know the signs of the normal rash with no problem. My coauthor Dr. John Preston said he tells some of his clients to take Benedryl until the rash calms down. My brother is on Lamictal and never got a rash.
I completely understand that you want to research medications- I am the same- but I know that Lamictal saves my life and has been a miracle drug for many. It has very few side effects and tends to work quickly. It would be such a shame to stop it if you don’t actually have the rash. I know that your doctor will say the same. It’s hard to manage this illness without medications. I use my treatment plan every minute of every day and I have a darn good life in many ways- Lamictal is part of my treatment plan.
Give it time- did you know that if you look up the side effects of aspirin, you would be just as shocked as you are with other drugs! They all have downsides- but if it works and you don’t have the rash, I highly recommend you stick with your doctor’s advice and keep trying. The average dose is 200mg. I am on 600! One never knows what the body needs.
And the really great news regarding Lamictal is that the side effects can definitely lessen with time. They have for me.
I am so glad you wrote- I know you are going to get better.
julie
PS: I am not a doctor as you know- so check out everything with your doctor before you make changes!
Julie,
I just want to say thank you so much. This website has been very helpful and I love your health cards.
I am going to give Lamictal a chance and not freak out before actually getting a rash.
Thank you again.
Terrid
Hello Terrid,
That is great news. One reason we see doctors is so that they can monitor our side effects. The internet can really freak you out if you read it too much! Though I have to say that I sometimes go into things a bit too blindly – so I need to do more research. I bet your husband is happy to see you more relaxed. I wish you luck and hope that Lamictal is as great for you as it is for me! Please keep me posted. Julie
Hello all, I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving. Just a little update: I called my doctor about the sore throat, we titrated back down to 25mg in which after I week I decided to quit. I only quit for a week. I have been back on it for 2 weeks and just took my first dose of the 50 mg. I have actually been stronger, yes, sometimes I do let the fear of the rash get to me, but I am working hard to overcome that fear. My doctor has been very up front with me. I have asked how many patients she has prescribed lamictal, she said she pretty much uses it as her first choice of patients with bipolar and depression due to the low side effect profile. It is a medicine she prescribes regularly and a lot of her patients are on it. She also said none of her patients have experienced the serious rash and only 2 of her patients even got a rash. That is pretty good odds. I do itch a little when I titrate up, but it does go away after a few days, so I am a little itchy right now, but I know in a few days it should go away. Also, on a good note, she said since I am very mild, she is only going to go up to 100 mg and if that works she will keep me there for a while. That has helped with my perfection issues. So I am going to try my best to be compliant with my meds this time. I am going to try to focus on the positive of lamictal.
Thanks for reading/listening.
I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks, Julie for you advocacy, your aids for managing the illness and everything you do to help the rest of us be successful.
Terrid
Much better! I realized I wasn’t crazy.