Dearest Partner,
Here is what I need from you in our relationship:
1. TAKE YOUR MEDS.
2. Do the basics in order to stay stable. There are many things in your control that are easy to do.
3. Learn what your own bipolar disorder looks like and sounds like. You can then take care of yourself first and I can then help.
4. Think before you speak- yes, you can do this even when you are manic. Read about the Bipolar Conversation in Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder. We can read this book together.
5. Understand what it is like for me on the outside looking in. I have a very different experience of bipolar disorder than you do.
6. Let me in on your treatment including health care visits and medication changes.
7. Think of ME. I am not a therapist, doctor, punching bag, caretaker or parent. I need and expect an equal relationship where we work together to manage the illness and keep our relationship loving and strong.
8. Always remember that I love you and that your health means everything to me.
Thank you,
Your Loving Partner
I need some help with my boyfriend who doesnt want to deal with his bi polar disorder, dont think hes ever been on meds. Weve only been together 18 mos but right now I have left again. He becomes compulsive about sex on the internet, gets women to communicate with him online then it moves to his phone, sexting, goes on for long periods I guess. Im just sick of it because he doesnt seem to want to do anything to get better. I go to alanon as hes in recovery but doesnt really practice a program like I have done, as its laid out. So, I feel hopeless. Have read Loving someone with Bipolar Disorder which is probably why Ive been able to stay this long. Thanks
Hi Julie;
I have heard your YouTube story, and I am hoping I can be were you are today. I have been seeing a Therapist for years… but have not for several years. My Dad has gone to the other side and my mother is residing in a rest home. I have taking card of them for the last several years. How ever I found my life taking a major turn because if the abuse my brother and sister in law put me thru the last 5 years. I couldn’t take it any more and ran away. My daughter and Son in lay tock me in. I didn’t know how far I had decompinsated untill I was on the streets. I am Bipolar and have done very well inspite of the disability. I am seeking out a theripist but not really wanting medication… but you gave me hope for thinking about such a thing.Please disreguard the mis spelling I have been under so much stress, I am at this point speaking from the heart.
My name is Sophie and I am in absolute love with a man who was diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago.
It will be coming to 2 years now, since we’ve been in a relationship. Our relationship is not exactly a physical one.
Yes, I met him over the Internet. He turned out to be someone I’ve met and rejected before in real life. But when I knew him a little bit more this time, I fell in love with him. I’ve never met anyone like him, so much alike me in mannerisms, our principles in life and our humour. I loved everything. Our relationship was thru the Internet, phone, texting and webcam chats, the bulk of it. We’ve flown over continents to visit each other for a week at least. Throughout those times, I’ve seen and experienced quite a bit of the episodes he has gone thru. In the beginning, I couldn’t understand the triggers, I thought he was just being really difficult and insecure but I didn’t really understand it. Our relationship is like a roller coaster ride. One minute we’re riding high, and one minute we could be plunging. I admit, it has been really emotionally draining for me coping with this. I’m thankful that he realises the things he’s done and the damage it’s caused the both of us. I’ve gone thru all the hurtful words, but I know it’s not him, it’s the disease and I want to be strong for him. I know I need to. It’s such a challenge to be there for someone you totally care for, when you’re not physically there. When I lived with him briefly for 4 months in London, we were a bit better. We kissed and made up pretty quickly. He hated to see me cry. Whenever I cried, he softened up and hugs me quickly. He realises it. He wants help. He needs encouragement. I write him emails telling him what to do, taking meds, eating well. He is doing well as a Chef de Partie in a well known French restaurant in London for a year now. I think it’s an accomplishment. But I desperately want some advice as to how I can help him better. I can’t be with him physically now, as I am bonded on a work contract in Singapore for a year and he is in London. He hasn’t been coping well since I left for Singapore two months ago. I’m so worried, I’m sad. I wish something more can be done from my end.
I wish I had seen this before. My fiance and I have been together for over a year and a half. In that time, he has broken up with me twice and just recently again after living together for 6 months. I thought we were happy and in love. I am aware of his mood disorder and have endured many difficult things because of it. But I do love him. When he’s “up”, he’s an amazing, warm, affectionate, kind and compassionate man. But he is in another one of his depressive episodes, and has decided to end our relationship, leaving me with nowhere to go and nothing to take with me. I am always baffled by his ability to completely withdraw from me emotionally when he goes through this. He seems to be able to just walk away from what is an otherwise phenomenal relationship. He has come back to me twice before, but I cannot endure this any longer. Part of me prays he will not come back into my life, though I fear he will come out of his episode and realize what he lost. Of course, the part that loves me wants desperately to make it work. How can I reconcile this and move on if he is unwilling/unable to get help? He is self-employed and does not have health insurance. I would have carried him on mine after marriage, but he has called that off, leaving him unable to obtain quality mental health resources. I am in so much pain. Not sure where to turn. Even if we are destined to be apart, I want so much for him to be well and have a good quality of life.
I relate!
My BPII dual diagnosed alcoholic/addict is a spectacular man but so often I feel he is in a cycle. 3 years of his moods, excuses about the “ex triggers”, intimacy and commitment issues,work related long distance choices being a blended family, and my own career path and childhood trauma gave us a plate full of reasons to fall apart. The therapist would always be suprized at our willingness to try. He was helpful but in the end my BP wasn’t at all able to manage the stress this put on the final episode that killed our love. I’m reading all I can to heal and cope and actually maybe forgive. And can you believe I’d be willing to work on in more if he’d stabilize. He thinks alternatives are the answer; which I encouraged but strongly warned him about the nature of denial that keeps them from attaining any sense of reality. I am the safest person but he’s gone into histironics. We are so extremely in love but he can’t seem to see the importance of accountability of his diagnosis which he got 3 years ago upon entering a recovery house. I was blindsided last month with the same situation you imparted: after I asked for consideration for more connection when he is out of town, he flew off and I reacted. He wanted to separate the next day amicably without discussion with our therapist or the couple we work with who know us. I of course took it personal and asked for a break From our reactions. He chose instead to read my journal and build the case that I never loved him, wasted his money and time and hated his child whom care for very much. I went to NC and he broke up with me in a email I didn’t read. I the few contacts we have made they’ve differed in loving words to absolute hateful and cold shouts. I have never had a chance to get a word in except for how devastated and wrong this all is and how it triggers a huge abandonment for me. Without a bit of the empathy I came to love him for he Says that’s My issue. The betrayal continues as he has worked our “friends” into believing I’m wrong. So our family was destroyed and he has no remorse. Still sees me as pure evil. I realize I have to go on without being able to be heard which leaves me in a terribly wounded place. My prayers and meditations help me to get past the anger confusion and brokenness. I pray to his higher self and I give myself permission for not being able to navigate through this powerfully painful diagnosis as a life partner. I hope he gets on meds sees a doc and forgives himself. This is the only way I can. Ever see a chance for a future. I love him deeply more than I think I’ve ever loved due to the incredible places we have gone emotionally. He has great capacity when in balance. Unfortunately he is a traveler and a part time dad. His choices aren’t support his diagnosis either. I honestly for for his well being and I’m the only one in his life willing to really care. Others placate due to his nature to choose those who will only serve his desire to be “normal”.