This article was originally published on the Bp Magazine webpage.

Acceptance comes and goes. I roll with it….

Degrees of Doubt

Never completely accepting that I have bipolar doesn’t mean that I don’t work hard to manage the illness daily. I work on this management despite my inability to calmly accept that this bipolar is in my brain for life.

There is no magic date that I can look to where I changed so profoundly that having bipolar became easier. I don’t have a specific number of days—or even years—I can use to measure success. Bipolar management is usually three steps forward and two steps back. I then have to count the one step I did manage to stick to.

It’s okay if your acceptance comes and goes. One day, you’re open to having bipolar; the next, you feel that it’s impossible your diagnosis is true. This is the struggle. We can’t see this illness.  There is no genetic test. There is no blood test. It doesn’t show up on a brain scan. It’s diagnosed by examining behaviors and thinking.

It makes total sense we would doubt what is going on even when we’re the ones with the symptoms!

– Embrace the doubt.
– Embrace the up-and-down nature of believing and then not believing.
– Embrace not fully accepting that this illness is real.

Just say yes to getting help with your moods and behaviors. That is all that matters.

What’s the Point of “Accepting” a Diagnosis?

If you have mania and depression that you can chart, you have bipolar.

Acceptance doesn’t affect whether or not you have the illness. You either have bipolar or you don’t. It’s like diabetes. Acceptance just makes life easier. It’s a calmer life when we say, “I’m not happy about this, but I know that I have bipolar and have to do something about it.”

If you’re here because you don’t think you have bipolar, and you’re upset that others say you do: First, I commend you for reading this. Second, why not figure this out and then do something to find peace?

Start with this question: What do the people around you think about your behavior? 

• Are your loved ones in pain because of your moods?
• Has someone asked you to go to the doctor, but you’ re scared to face the reality of having bipolar?
• Do people ask you to chill out, to stop being so paranoid, to be nicer, or to curb your sexual behavior?
• Do you have a relative with bipolar, but you can tell you’re not “crazy” like them?
• Do people say, “GO GET SOME HELP!”?

If you’re on the fence about getting help and are reading this privately, it means you KNOW you need to make changes in order to feel better. If you do have bipolar, you will find articles and blogs here that match what you experience.

Why I Continue to Accept That I Have Bipolar

I feel better knowing why I get so sick. Calling it bipolar helps me. The diagnosis changed my chaotic life for the better. I want us to face reality.

If you’re on a page that is 100% devoted to bipolar, you’re not in denial. Maybe you’re scared. Maybe you’re confused. Maybe you’re hoping you don’t have the illness. But you’re not in denial. Whew!

I encourage you to do what works for you to get help.

There are many resources available to you. In my book Take Charge of Bipolar, I outline what to do if you are diagnosed. The print and digital issues of bp Magazine are filled with helpful ideas. And this website, bphope, is a gold mine of stories and strategies to help you find stability, if that is what you seek.

You don’t have to live a life of full acceptance. Just a little acceptance is enough. Keep going.

Saying yes to the diagnosis changes life for the better.

Acceptance comes and goes. Roll with it.

Julie