This is me exactly a year ago. I was excited to be working on a new book and thought all was well. Then the bipolar hit and I had to take time off to manage my moods. By the time I got back to working on my regular writing projects and my paid work as a soccer marketer, the book was simply not possible. This is life with bipolar.
It is my goal to be brutally honest with people about life with this illness. The concept of straight talk has been there from day one when I started my BipolarHappens.com webpage in 2002.
It is ok if you have trouble working when you have bipolar. It means you are normal. It means you have an illness that needs management.
I don’t write this to help you dear reader, it is a message to myself as well. I struggle every day with work. There are days when I honestly think about quitting it all. Why struggle so much? Why not get in a relationship and have fun with another person and live on a limited income? Why not stop all of this work focus and just stop the daily grind of trying to eek out another project? The reason is that I am not sick all of the time like my brain tells me I am.
I do get work done.
Is it in a way that others without bipolar can work? Not at all. In my marketing life, I see how regular people can sit down and have a to do list and simply get things done. My brain doesn’t allow this and NEVER HAS. I gave up mania over ten years ago and this requires that my work is done only when the bipolar is managed. In the past, I fed off euphoric mania and allowed myself to work myself into the ground. This always ended badly. Today, my goal is Treat Bipolar First and then focus on work. That is what I want.
What about you? Maybe work is NOT your goal. It is ok to explore disability or getting help from others if work is making you sick. Work does make me sick. There is no question about it. But work is what I love, so I will continue to struggle my way through.
This is your life. The picture of me from a year ago reminds me that a new book is waiting in the wings. I will get to it ONE DAY. That is life with bipolar.
Julie
I use the strategies in Get it Done When You’re Depressed every day. They work for depression, anxiety, ADD and overall focus problems. We can do this.
Let’s talk about abusive or out of control behavior in #bipolar disorder. If the abusive behavior is about bipolar, it will always be attached to either a mania or a depression mood swing. The abusive or out of control behavior will be VERY out of character. People will say this,
“Oh my god! He did what? That is so unlike him. He is a family man. He would NEVER have an affair.
or,
“She did what in public? She took off her top in public? Are you sure that is the right person! She would never do that!”
Bipolar is a very specific illness. We have mood swings. Our mood swing behaviors are not based on our personality. Many of our mood swing behaviors will be incredibly out of character.
When we come out of the mood swing, we have thoughts like these,
“What just happened? Did I really do that?”
“Was I possessed?”
“Maybe someone spiked my drink?”
“I am so mortified/embarrassed/ashamed/upset by what happened”
“This is terrible. I am not this person! I don’t know what to do. I am so sorry!”
We will NOT say this once we are out of the mood swing:
“It’s all your fault. You are trying to pin something on me that is your problem.”
“I can do what I want. You are not the boss of me. That is none of your business. I don’t care what you think. I am not a child. You are the one who needs to grow up!”
If we talk this way we are either still sick or we have a lot more going on than bipolar.
Julie
If you are a parent of a child with bipolar disorder, please join me on The Stable Table on Facebook.
Here are a few of my latest articles from Bp Magazine on the topic of children, teens and adults with bipolar disorder who live at home with parents or who are supported financially by parents. I will introduce the article with a short description and you can then visit the BpHope page for the full article. Please note that these articles are also great for partners and health care professionals.
If you are parent of a child of any age with bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder, I hope you will join me on my closed Facebook page The Stable Table. (Partners can join me on The Stable Bed.)
The following article gives an outline of the system I teach to my coaching clients. It is possible to help a child who refuses help. It is possible to keep yourself healthy while trying to navigate the world of a child who has all of the symptoms of bipolar or schizoaffective disorder, but refuses treatment. Here is the opening paragraph and a link to the BP Magazine article:
***Excerpt***
You’re supporting an adult child with bipolar. What are your needs?
This is the most important question I ask parents in my coaching practice. Parents are used to talking about what the child with bipolar needs. Rarely do they stop and think about what they need as parents. These needs can get lost and, in some cases, stay lost forever.
My goal is to help parents figure out what they need. Then they can discuss these needs—openly—with their child. At first, this can be very scary.
—If I tell my child what I need, this will make my child really sick.
Oh, the relief you will feel when you know you’re not alone if you feel that your child, someone you love very much … has actually taken over your house and you feel like a hostage to his or her illness.
Finally, when it’s time to talk with a health care professional about an child, teen or adult kid with mental health symptoms, knowing how to report these symptoms in a way that actually gets your point across to a health care professional is essential. My article When Your Child Needs A Therapist: How To Effectively Report Symptoms teaches you to clearly and succinctly tell YOUR experience of the symptoms you see in a child.
I belong to a few moderated groups on Facebook. They can be so helpful when it comes to getting help and advice when my mood is not being nice to me.
Recently, I read the comment of a person who is currently suicidal. She is crying all day and does not want to live. I love the insight she has to ask for help during this tough time. I wrote a comment to share what I do when I am suicidal. I have talked openly about my suicidal thoughts since starting my bipolar disorder work in the late 90s. It is such an important topic and one that is scary for many people. We don’t have to be scared to talk about suicidal thoughts. Instead, let’s see them for what they are… symptoms of an illness. If you have bipolar disorder, you probably have depression. If you have depression, there is a good chance you experience suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Here is the advice I gave – I try to give advice by telling my story. This allows people to take their own path.
***
When I am suicidal, which is not always as it used to be, but now a few times a year, I have a list ready that tells the ill me what to do when I am sick.
“Julie, Right now, you are in the middle of a suicidal depression. You can expect the desire to die to be there as well as the desire to just disappear.”
If you see these as typical depression symptoms, it helps put the focus on ending the suicidal depression from a medical point of view. Just this week, Ketamine has been approved. You are a perfect candidate. Just think of it this way, if a medication can take away the suicidal thoughts, it means it is an illness. Bravo to you for telling people what you need.
I have a list of what people can say to me when I say things such as, “I just want to die. I am an ant on this huge earth and I feel like I’m living in a gutter.”
This is when people, with my permission can say, “Julie, this is how you always talk when your bipolar is raging. You asked me to remind you to Treat Bipolar First and that you need to get help immediately for the suicidal thoughts.”
That pops me out of the very selfish behavior I exhibit when suicidal. I am such a sad sack- my whole life feels like I’m dipped in doom. But it is just a symptom. It is normal that you can’t stop crying. That is a normal symptom of suicidal depression. It is normal that you have the felling that you want to die.Treat this as the illness it is. Ask for help.
Is it time for a hospital visit?
A medication change?
Ketamine treatment?
Get clinical with yourself. I was suicidal last week. My brain kept saying,“Julie, everyone is upset with you! Your work isn’t any good. You are a speck of dirt. Life will always been this way. You suck and you should die.” I wrote all of this in my journal and then I wrote this…. “Julie, the brain that tells you that you are god’s gift to men when you are manic is the samebrain that is now telling you that you’re a speck of dirt. Don’t listen to either thought. They are both bipolar thoughts and are not REAL. They are fabricated symptoms by an ill brain. Who do you need to call RIGHT NOW and what do you need to do RIGHT NOW to get out of this loathsome, awful, painful depression!!!”
This helps me focus on healing instead of thoughts of dying. I believe in you. Get the help you need. Look at all of the support you have on this wonderful page. There are resources and people out there who will help you get your brain back on track. We can do this!!!!!
Julie
PS: Why this picture? It is a reminder of the beauty of the world. Suicidal depression gives us tunnel vision. We turn inward and forget to expand our bodies, mind and eyes to the world. It is important that we look for beauty when we are suicidal. It is part of a plan to get out of the episode.
Some people are just hard to be around. They are snappy, opinionated, sarcastic, and sometimes mean. I have met them! It’s often a personality trait. This means they were born that way and will probably remain that way unless something or someone pushes them to change.
Bipolar disorder is NOT about the personality.
A personality trait is very different from a bipolar disorder symptom. People always say- “Julie, all of us must have a form of bipolar disorder.” No. Everyone can be in a bad mood or a good mood, but bipolar disorder is an illness. It’s not about having good and bad moods. All of us have certainly had bad moods where we are testy when someone even looks at us the wrong way. When a person has a testy personality they tend to be constant in their behavior. If you piss them off, they let you know and you can expect it. This is a good thing as you can then make the decision of you want to have them in your life.
Bipolar disorder testiness is 100% different because it’s episodic and often takes people by surprise. In other words, it’s not the person’s personality to act this way. It’s the product of an illness. This doesn’t excuse it! But it does offer an explanation.
When I’m in an irritation downswing, a box that I trip on can get kicked across the room while I yell at it. Whereas when I’m in a stable mood, I can trip on a box and then just move it out of the way. If it’s personalty, my behavior around the box will be consistent. If it’s bipolar disorder, my behavior around the box will be dependent on a mood swing.
When I’m in an irritation downswing, people are extremely irritating and I can’t believe how stupid they are! I am upset due to my mood swing and the whole world is going to know about it! But, when that mood swing ends, I see the world differently. This is classic bipolar disorder.
This was one of the first things I learned from using The Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. People don’t like angry people and considering that bipolar makes me testy and easily pissed off –I knew I had to learn to control my moods!
If you look at my Anger/Irritation Health Card, you can see what I did to change. I still get in these moods and they are still bipolar disorder related, but they no longer wreck my relationships and people actually do want to be around me!
Being snappy, testy and mean will only happen during a mood swing if a person has bipolar disorder. Otherwise, the person is even keeled and stable.
How to keep going when you think you can’t go on. Strategies for living day by day when you have #bipolar disorder or #schizoaffective disorder.
1. I find that reminding myself of the episodic nature of our illness helps. It is very rare for us to stay in one state forever. We will cycle out of a mood swing. If we keep working hard on management, we will cycling out of the mood swing more quickly. So a rough day today, can be a better day tomorrow or the next day. If you are sick today, remind yourself that change is possible.
2. Being drugged from medications is a serious issue that has to be addressed daily and continually until it is FIXED. Being too tired to function is not a trade off for stability. Find a way to manage your symptoms using the ideas in my books or any system that works for you and reduce the mediations you need. If you can take your meds with little to no side effect, fantastic! If you are like me and you get drugged easily, find other ways to stay stable.
3. Nasty old daylight savings time is coming soon. Start planning now for the time change. Change your routine a few minutes each night and be ready for the hour change when it actually happens. YES, one hour can make an enormous difference for many of us with bipolar. People used to laugh when I wrote about this many years ago. Julie, you have no idea what you are talking about! But I did! It was happening in my own life. Now we know that bipolar is connected to circadian rhythms, so of course a time change affects us.
These are three changes that we can do!
I am not depressed today- yay!, but I am over drugged from needing so many sleep meds to get rid of my mania.
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Mom Brain Podcast
Listen to Julie’s latest interview on bipolar disorder and mental health in children, teens and adults on the Mom Brain Podcast with Hilaria Baldwin and Daphne Oz.
The health information contained herein is provided for general education purposes only. This site should not be seen as a substitute for an official diagnosis or for professional health care.
