Depression Scrolling and Feeling Bad about Yourself

 

If you’re not feeling well and going online creates worse feelings… as it seems that others are better off than you, please know that what you see online is now different than what you see on TV.

It is a SHOW. It is not REAL.

My next book project with Penguin Books is adding a social media section to Get it Done When You’re Depressed. It’s perfect timing.

The image above is from the Instagram page Celeb Face. It’s not intended to be cruel. People have the right to post whatever they want online.

The goal is to help people see that the images you see after the filters are NOT REAL.

It also highlights the unhappiness that ‘celebrities’ feel with how they really look. This woman on the right is just fine as she is, but she is only comfortable sending out the edited image on the left. This is unstable behavior. I can only imagine what it does to the person’s relationships.

You are who you are. Post real pics of yourself. If you don’t like your body, then don’t show your body. If your skin is upsetting, then don’t show your skin! Spend time working on the body you want (my struggle!) and skin that reflects who you are……

Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking a filter is the answer.

I want our children to be aware that social media is a movie- it’s a novel- it’s a fantasy. It’s hard to remember this when you’re depressed and scrolling away, looking for relief!

The relief is inside. The relief is in reality. The relief is in getting help for depression.

Julie

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Posted on May 19th, 2020 | Category:

Beware the Bipolar Filter! It is not your friend!

Bipolar disorder takes away our ability to evaluate ourselves realistically and calmly. Our behaviors and thoughts are funneled through a bipolar disorder filter and this filter changes everything…….
 
It’s hard to be kind to yourself, be rational or calm when this filter distorts the behaviors of others.
 
My solution? I try to memorize my typical bipolar symptoms created by this filter:
 
💔 No one loves me.
📘 I will never sell another book.
👪 People have so much better things to do than be around me.
🌎 The world is a scary place and I have never been treated well buy the general public!
 
😿  Etc. Woe is me when the filter is raging.
 
I constantlyremind myself that thinking my life is terrible when it isn’t is a sign that I’m sick. In fact, nothing is really terrible in my life- I may be unhappy or things may not be going well, but overall, my main problem is bipolar disorder. If I can remember that and treat the bipolar disorder first, then I can avoid the filter thoughts and make rational decisions!
 
You can learn how bipolar distorts your thoughts, feelings and actions and then do everything you can to get rid of the filter so that you can make decisions from the real you. This is life changing.
 
Julie
 
PS: This is is a different kind of filter, but it is the same concept. How do we see the real person? How do we see our real selves?
 
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Posted on May 15th, 2020 | Category:

How I Describe Bipolar Disorder

 

People often ask me what I do. When I explain that I create management plans for people with bipolar disorder and depression, I get a lot of interest. Since my first book came out in 2004, I have never attended a social gathering without someone asking me for more information about bipolar. 

Here is the script I use to explain bipolar disorder: “Bipolar disorder is a genetic illness that affects a person’s ability to self regulate the mood. We have three mood swings: depression, mania and an episode that combines depression and mania called a mixed episode. Within these episodes we can also experience anxiety, psychosis, irritation, restlessness, anger and focus problems. All of our symptoms are from an illness and have nothing to do with how we were raised. Bipolar is an ancient illness that was recorded thousands of years ago.  The illness is treated with a management plan that includes lifestyle changes especially around sleep as well as the use of medications for the symptoms we can’t learn to mange on our own. Bipolar is not a weakness and it’s not psychological. It’s similar to diabetes in that it involves changes in body chemicals.” 

I can honestly say that I have not once talked about bipolar disorder in a crowd without someone coming up to me afterwards and saying thank you and then telling me their story about bipolar.  Usually it is more than one person! 

Julie 

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Posted on May 14th, 2020 | Category: Uncategorized

Three Ideas to Ease Bipolar Money Mistakes

Is there any illness in the world that picks up and throws a person around like bipolar? I don’t think so! I’ve spent all of my adult life in either the plus or negative column financially due to bipolar disorder and I would like to share the plan I use to prevent the biggest bipolar financial disasters.  This is not a new topic, but I hope that my 20 plus years of experience managing money while alternatively manic and depressed can help those new to the illness find balance a lot sooner than I did!
1. I face the reality that I don’t think clearly when in a mood swing. If this is true, doesn’t it make sense that there is simply NO way to make smart financial decisions when in a mood swing? Even after all of this time, I’m shocked that mania creeps up on me and I buy five stuffed animals because they would look really great in my next video.  Or, I get online and purchase something to make my depression easier to live with.
I have people in my life who know what I spend and I give them permission to ask me questions and help me if they see my spending change. I am always upset and embarrassed that mania grabbed me once again or depression caused me to buy what I don’t need, but I do listen eventually!
2. I return what I buy.  I know it’s darn embarrassing. But if you’re new to bipolar and the spending is not yet under control,  swallow that pride and return anything you bought while manic. Don’t explain why- don’t beat yourself up- don’t do anything except get your money back. And if you’re still too raw from being sick and making bipolar financial mistakes, put everything together and ask someone to return it for you. Almost anything can be returned these days- paying for return shipping is worth the price of at least getting some of your money back. I have a REAL problem with signing up for classes when manic. I have canceled before where I am charged 25% for cancelling right before the class, but at least I get 75% back!
3. Go cash only when manic or depressed.  I still use this system and it works. In fact, I was on TV about it once! Going cash only changed my life. It’s a LOT harder to buy a $1000 dollar painting that you know will be perfect above your couch if you’re only allowing yourself to use cash.  Cash only has saved me many times. I don’t follow it always, but when the mania is strong or the depression is calling for retail therapy, only allowing cash spending helps me a lot.
It also helps to remove all credit or debit cards that you have saved online so that you have to type everything in before placing an order. Also, NEVER have overdraft protection on your bank. Set it up so that your debit card will not work if you don’t have the money. I don’t have credit cards at all… my mania can’t handle them.
These three ideas are a good start.  Please know that I didn’t simply stop my bipolar spending. That is impossible. I have bipolar and I still get manic. I still get depressed and sign up for things and buy what I don’t need, but it’s pretty rare these days and I can catch it a lot sooner than in the past. I still return things and I still need help. It will never change.
I have an illness that affects my ability to think clearly. I will need help in this area for the rest of my life.
What if doing even one of the above feels overwhelming right now? 
Well, you’re human and bipolar is a tough illness. Be nice to yourself and decide that spending money while bipolar is not really fun or a safe behavior for the future. Ask for help. Create a list of what you think, say and do when the spending is out of control and learn the signs earlier next time so that you can be in prevention mode instead of buying mode.
Bipolar is complicated and there is simply no way to handle everything it throws at you all at once.
Decide that finances will be your focus for the next year and learn to manage the illness in a way that prevents bipolar spending. It took me many years to really get this under control. Manic spending feels good in the moment and depression spending relieves our symptoms, so it’s no wonder that I get caught out even after 20 years of managing the illness successfully!
Management is not recovery. Management doesn’t have an end date. Management is daily. I still get sick and this means I will always have to be on my toes around bipolar spending.  Preventing mood swings in general is still my #1 tool to manage the illness, but when symptoms break through my plan and my brain has a mind of its own, I am very glad I have a plan in place to prevent disastrous bipolar spending.
I didn’t return the stuffed animals. They are simply too cute!

Julie 

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Posted on May 14th, 2020 | Category:

Why Depressed People Seek Violent Online Content

Why do depressed people seek out violent and aggressive online images and videos?
I’ve lived with serious depression for over 35 years. One behavior that always shocks is my desire for crime scene photos, true crime and violent behaviors that get prosecuted. When I’m not depressed, my desire for this content goes way down. For some people this manifests as more violent video games or porn.
NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THIS SIDE OF MENTAL ILLNESS…
.. but it’s incredibly normal and my coaching clients tell me stories of how it affects the entire family.
90% of the clients I work with experience a form of violence with a loved one.
Here is an excerpt from a book I’m writing for Penguin about depression and social media. I am not going to use this section exactly in the book, but thought you might like to see it.

My Online Life When Depressed

I look at the most horrible images on my phone. Videos of arrests and fires, dangerous situations and people who have less than I do. I get outraged and then upset and then more depressed………….. but it feels good in the moment. It’s sick.
  • Depression wants a friend to commiserate with!
  • Depression seeks content that matches my brain chemicals.
I like shows where killers get caught and get the death penalty. I shout at the screen when people stay in abused situations and I call them, “Stupid morons!”
The pain of others that would normally create empathy or sadness in my brain instead creates a self righteous satisfaction that bad people get what they deserve and stupid people deserve punishment too!
Imagine the destruction this creates if a person is not aware that the depression is causing the change in behavior.
When I’m depressed, I have to remind myself that the depressed part of me will SEEK out what makes me more depressed. It’s sick and twisted, but it’s very real. I then talk to myself and stop the behavior so that I can end the depression instead of feeding it with horrific online content.
As a parent, you first have to know the signs of a child’s depression. You can use my books to make symptom lists. I highly recommend using your Health Cards each time you see the depression starting. (They will be back online for purchase soon! Promise!)
Then, use the ideas in Loving and Take Charge to avoid The Bipolar Conversation.
And finally, focus on depression management all day long when a loved one is depressed. Depression leads to the online behavior- only addressing the behavior never works:
  • Why do you want to look at such terrible things Julie!
  • What is wrong with you Julie!
This way of talking only drives the person with depression deeper into the violent thinking and scrolling.
Here is how I talk to myself when I finally realize my negative mood is affecting what I seek online:
Ah, Julie. The serial killer, British true crime detective shows, Murderpedia and crime scene photos are here again. The depression is raging. Let’s focus on the depression and get you out of the this cycle. Let’s fill your brain with something positive. Turn it off. Turn on Parks and Recreation or a Disney Movie. I want the depression to end. Help me help you.
(I really do talk to myself this way!)
Get it Done When You’re Depressed is a constant companion when my angry, murder scrolling gets out of hand. This is the book to get if you want to help someone manage depression.
Julie

 

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Posted on May 5th, 2020 | Category:

Notes from a Writer with Bipolar Disorder and Anxiety

I want to go back in time when it was easier to finish projects.

I often can’t work if my phone and computer are around. The distraction of 24 hour news and social media is too much for my brain.

Will we have a luddite movement one day- come to our office where there are computers and coffee, but no internet!

I’m so distracted when depressed and anxious and it’s way too easy for me to go see what’s happening online in the world of people I don’t even know. It’s ridiculous and I will always fight this desire to loose myself in front of a screen.

Right now, as I write this, I have the internet turned off on the computer so I at least have to think before looking at social media.

Why is it so easy to look at hundreds of posts and videos instead of working? It’s avoidance of the pain of working when you don’t feel well and the result is feeling terrible when I go to bed and when I wake up.

There are goals I want to reach in life – goals that create a stable future. Social media scrolling will NEVER help me reach those goals.

I will post this once my regular work is done and the internet it back on!

Julie

 

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Posted on May 4th, 2020 | Category: Uncategorized
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