This article was originally published in Bp Magazine….
When faced with disappointment, my brain never gives me the luxury of deciding how I feel and how I want to react. Nope. It just experiences it and immediately starts doing bipolar flips and twists in a way I find very hard to control.
Here I share two related stories about disappointment that led to intense bipolar downswings. By comparing how I responded to those disappointment downswings, you can see how I have taught myself to manage the illness differently over time. This is something I do each year that I use my management plan.
Letdown
Fifteen years ago, a person interviewed me for a new book on marketing. She invited me to lunch and asked me to share one of my main marketing ideas, in exchange for promoting my work. I did so willingly, including giving her information like what I called the marketing tool and how I invented the template I used with clients. I eventually spent hours working with her and shared my ideas with enthusiasm—all in the spirit of teamwork and future rewards.
Upon publication, she sent me a copy of the book. With great excitement, I opened the book … and to my true dismay, I could see that this person had used my ideas 100 percent, but my name was not to be found anywhere. It was pure plagiarism, and it shocked me into a massive downswing that lasted for months.
Disappointing situations are hard for everyone, but for a person with bipolar, they can cause serious illness. My bipolar brain picks a mood swing within seconds of a situation unfolding. When I opened the chapter of the book that used my ideas verbatim, but without giving me credit, I didn’t just get angry or upset, I got sick. Really sick. I cried and cried and felt overwhelmed by the enormity of my mood swing.
The bipolar was triggered so intensely that I had to put all of my energy on myself just to get on with my daily life. I was ill for weeks. About a month later, I called the author to ask what had happened.
She said, “Oh, Julie. I wasn’t responsible for this—an editor made the changes to the chapter. They must have removed your name.”
I knew her editors and knew this was not true. She never gave them my name. I knew that I should contact her publishing company and do something about this, but I simply couldn’t do it. I was too sick. I remember this downswing lasting a long time. It lingered until it eventually festered into bitterness and created the seed of the idea that I was a victim and not in control of my career.
Lessons Learned
Believe it or not, just this week I found myself in a similar situation! Here is what happened.…
I recently spent a considerable amount of work energy on a project for a fellow person with an online presence, and I even made promises to do additional marketing on the project once it was available to the public. I assumed that my work would be quoted and that my books would be referenced. Then, just like 15 years ago, I was sent a preview of the project, and I immediately realized that my work (and certainly my connections) were used, but I was not acknowledged for the work in the way I wanted or needed to be.
I kept looking through the project just for a mention of my work; when I found none in the body of the work … oh goodness, my bipolar brain was not happy! I went into an immediate downswing. A big one. It just overcame my mind and body like a tidal wave.
It took the form of my usual bipolar disappointment downswing. I cried; my thoughts became very negative, and a bit scary; and I found it difficult to respond reasonably to the situation. I was flooded. I was overwhelmed. One minute, I was excited to see the work and how she had used my ideas; and then, boom, I realize the truth and the bipolar tidal wave overtook me!
In my experience, bipolar disappointment downswings are not regular reactions to situations. Instead, they are over-the-top, intense, out-of-control reactions that immediately change my thoughts and feelings. Oh, they are horrible!
But …
This story has a positive ending.
The situation was the same as 15 years ago, but I am not the person I was 15 years ago! Not at all!
I now have 15 more years of practice on how to manage this rotten illness when faced with a disappointment. I was able to keep perspective and talk to others about what would be considered a reasonable response to the situation. I was eventually able to make a sensible decision on what I wanted to do next. (And I will not be working with this person in the future.)
I decided that my health comes first. I stuck to managing bipolar and was able to end the downswing by that evening:
- I used my journal.
- I asked for help.
- I talked with my friends.
- I practiced mindful breathing.
- I watched YouTube videos on dealing with disappointment.
- And I focused on what I needed instead of how I had been “wronged.”
In the end, I lost a day to the downswing. There was no way around this. I was sick. It was bipolar disorder, and I had to treat bipolar first. I cried a lot. I wrote a lot. I called on the wisdom of people I consider mentors in my life, including the work of Don Miguel Ruiz and his book The Four Agreements.
Peace Is Possible
I share my story to let you know that management plans work if you keep working on the management plan. If you start today, the situations that make you too sick to function for months will one day be situations that make you too sick to function for one day. The bipolar disappointment downswing may still be there, but your ability to manage the downswing can profoundly change. It has for me.
Peace in our brains is possible. We can learn to stop mood swings. We can stop ourselves from doing something in a mood swing that we will later regret. I wanted to write a nasty message to the person who used my work without the courtesy of giving me a quote to promote my work. But, you know what, that is her path, not mine. I didn’t have to do anything to the other person in order to feel better. I can do this work internally.
Now that the mood swing has calmed down, I can look at my own role in this situation. I can have perspective and act in a way that matches how I wish to be treated. My actions can come from the real me and not from bipolar disorder.
Peace.
Freedom from acting out of bipolar disorder disappointment.
Stability.
All are possible!
Julie
