Dear Julie,
I have this huge problem that started about 2 and half years ago. During a mixed episode of rapid cycling I decided and did leave my husband. Over this past 2 and a half years I have been severly depressed. Well in the past two months my new pdoc changed my medication and I am thinking more clearly and having fewer mood swings then ever. The problem is that I want my husband back. He does not really understand bipolar and resents me for decisions I made while I was sick. I have two questions, is it worth pursuing a relationship with someone who doesnt understand what you are going through (he will not take a simple class on dealing with loved ones suffering from bipolar). How do I reconcile the bad choices I have made while sick with where I am now? I want my family back but he has a new girlfriend. Is it worth the fight?
Hi Stephani,
Believe it or not, this is not an uncommon problem. I regularly work with clients where a partner has left because of a mood swing.
A friend of mine got manic and had an affair, left her husband and moved out all in a few weeks. Luckily her husband understood enough about bipolar and took her back. They have worked it out so it is possible. The difference here is that your partner doesn’t want to learn about the illness. It’s the only way he will ever understand what happened. Otherwise, we just seem odd and people wonder, ‘Who on earth would pick up and leave a good marriage like that!’
Well, we do. In 1995, after a year of taking care of my partner Ivan when he was so sick with bipolar, I told him I didn’t love him anymore, got on a plane and went to China.
No kidding.
It happens. (Bipolar Happens!)
The best way I can help you is through my coaching.
Here is the link: http://www.juliefast.com/family-coaching/
I work with partners in your situation very regularly and know what you are going through myself. There is an intake form on the website. There is a free 20 minute consultation with the coaching and we can discuss this more. It’s complicated, but not unsolvable. The topic is just too big for a blog answer.
You said that your former partner would not take a class, but there is a chance he will read Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder if you give it to him. That may at least give him some insight.
I have ideas on what you can do.
Julie
Stephani: I am on the other end of being without my partner. I am in no position to say anything other than 1)if there is true, honest love involved I think it is always worth fighting for. That is why no matter what my husband is doing during this manic state, I am still going to fight for him and learn as much as I can about Bipolar.
2)Get Julie’s coaching! I could not have made it through the last couple of months with it and without reading her books!
Hi Julie and readers,
I don’t know if this is the appropriate place for my question, as it is quite the opposite from Stephani’s:
lately I feel bored from my relationship and want to break up… but then I fear that I will regret this-or end up alone, or it’s not me, it’s my illness that makes me feel this way- and don’t take that step…
So, I don’t know if there is an answer to such a personal question, but is it possible for some of us to hesitate ending a relationship just because we are bipolar? And, if so, isn’t this depriving us of better, or more exciting relationships?
Or do we need the stability and security of a long-term relationship, no matter how boring it can get?
Thank you and I hope for your answers!