After seven years of working with thousands of family members and partners, I’ve noticed one personality type that always causes confusion and distress for the family. I call this the Suspicious, Controller Personality. I of course see this behavior when a person with bipolar disorder is in a dysphoric, manic and psychotic episode, but I’m talking about personality here which means the behavior is consistent over time and is not part of a mood swing. I have found that cannabis with high THC affects this personality the most. This personality is usually seen in men and can be very confusing and scary for family members if it is a young son. I teach a communication tool that family members can use to successfully interact with such a personality to all of my clients.
The Suspicious, Controller Personality
– Has to have the last word. Especially if it is a text or email battle.
-Will use your ideas to get help, but only if he can modify them.
– Argues about everything for the sake of arguing.
– Always has a better plan that what you suggest.
– Does not give out information, unless it is to his benefit.
– Does what he wants, even when he is telling you he is doing something different.
– Greatly depends on others, especially financially, but but doesn’t see it as dependence.
– If he doesn’t like an idea, he will put you down for having the idea.
– Knows more than everyone.
– Looks up information online to prove he is right.
– Sends random information to prove he is right.
– Snows over his health care professionals.
– Always has an answer.
– Has trouble listening.
– Verbally aggressive and sometimes physically aggressive if pushed too far.
– Has to be right all of the time.
– When you get tired and back down because you have had enough, he thinks he won the argument and feels successful.
– No matter what you suggest, he will come up with reasons why your suggestion will not work.
– Needs a lot of stimulation.
– Reckless.
– More outwardly focused on others than working on internal change.
– Lies, but doesn’t see it as lying. Lies of omission.
– Very, very good at twisting your words and tying YOU in a knot.
– Trusts only himself and his own memories and experiences.
– Doubts everything.
– Suspicious about why you are asking questions. Why are you asking me that is an answer that gets him out of having to actually answer your questions.
– Asks why you are doing what you do, but does not allow you to ask why he is doing what he does.
– Gas lighting. You are the one with the problem! Maybe you need a doctor, not me! I see paranoia in you with all of these questions!
– You feel awful after having a conversation with him.
– Is very good at getting you to doubt yourself.
-Is not there for you, unless you do what he wants you to do.
– Discusses things in the guise of asking for advice, but then goes and does what he wants.
– Gets angry easily and often says you, or what you’re doing makes him angry.
– Lets you know all of the time that he does not have a problem.
If you are in a relationship with a suspicious, controller, you will not change him. Instead, you can change how you communicate with him. That is the only thing I have found that works! This is the basis of my coaching with family members and partners.
Julie
Julie is the bestselling author of Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder, Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder, Get it Done When You’re Depressed and the Health Cards Treatment System for Bipolar Disorder. She works as a family and partner coach and regularly trains health care professionals on bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder management strategies. You can read more about her coaching here.
