Originally publishing by Bp Magazine.
Here are three myths about mania every person affected by bipolar disorder should explore.
By Julie A. Fast
Is there anything in mental health more misunderstood than mania? Many people see it as a supercharged, creative time where those of us with bipolar disorder write books, fall in love and live the wild life. HA! Here are three myths about mania every person affected by bipolar disorder should explore.
The words in italics are directly from my journal on days I have been manic in the past.
Myth #1 Euphoric Mania is Fun
No it’s not. We might think we’re having fun while in a euphoric manic episode, but it’s a chemically induced high that has nothing to do with actual happiness. Ask anyone who has been hospitalized for euphoric mania how much fun they had when the mania went too far. Talk with the partners of hypersexual spouses who got manic and gave a loved one herpes. No one wants to talk about this ‘fun’ side of euphoric mania.
Today I talked non stop at Robin’s (my therapist.) We discussed that I was manic when I sat down, but I’m still so embarrassed. I recorded the call as I always do, but don’t ever want to hear it. I had machine gun mouth. That is my word for pressured speech. I’m compelled to talk. It’s as though I am delivering very important information. I’m not. It’s just me rambling. I’m self–centered and have to hear the sound of my own voice. Everything feels so important. My stories go on and on without consideration for the listener. I wear others out. I make decisions with no thought of how they will play out in the future. I start projects with zero idea of how I will finish what I start. This isn’t fun. This isn’t real creativity. I can’t take care of myself in this state. I have to separate myself form this mania.
Euphoric mania makes me want to hug children I don’t know, lick the calves of soccer players, tell my ideas to a world that really doesn’t need to hear my latest life changing product and sleep with strangers I met at a bar.
I now force myself to see that euphoric mania, even when it feels fun is actually embarrassing and toxic. Teaching myself and the people around me that this behavior is as destructive and as dangerous as suicidal depression was the turning point in my getting better.
Reality #1 Euphoric Mania is Embarrassing, Life Altering and Dangerous
A general note: There are two levels of mania: hypomania and full blown mania. There are two types of mania: euphoric and dysphoric.
Myth #2 Euphoric Mania is Better than Dysphoric Mania
I want the world to learn more about dysphoric mania. Also called mixed mania, dysphoric
mania is usually irritated, aggressive and physically uncomfortable. I see it far more than I used to and believe this rise comes from the incorrect use of antidepressants, supplements, steroids and party drugs that adversely affect the brains of people with bipolar disorder.
There is a woman behind me as I sit outside at my favorite restaurant who has a laugh like a machine gun. She opens her mouth wide and a laugh right up there with Woody f()*$)#*ing Woodpecker comes flying out. I want to shut her up by any means possible. Someone needs to go over there and tell her to shut the @#$& up. One more laugh and I’m going to be the person to do it. I pay my taxes. I pay for this food I’m eating. I’m not going to sit here and let that b@#c$ with a laugh like a dock worker on crack ruin my f@^$#%+ evening.
Dysphoric mania is mean and very active. I’m a writer and I still couldn’t make up a paragraph like the one above! When I’m in a dysphoric manic episode, I change more than with any other episode.
Let’s contrast this with a euphoric entry:
My god I’m happy. I can’t believe how well everything is going since I moved here. We all went to karaoke the other night and I had to pinch myself everything was so perfect!!!!! I am loving life these days. The writing is going smoothly, friends are good and I met a new guy I’m seeing tonight. rEv ReV REVVVV! I can be happy damn it. That depression is not going to get me. YES!
Both of these paragraphs scream illness to me now. Not just the dysphoric vitriol, but the
euphoric lack of reality as well. Euphoric mania is not better than dysphoric mania just because we feel better while euphoric.
There is no good mania.
It’s a myth. I used to say, “I get manic, but I’m lucky, I get the good kind!” This is a person who married a man she knew for two weeks, got drunk every single night during the summer before this marriage happened and eventually caught herpes due to her years of euphoric manic escapades.
I know, letting idea of good mania (euphoric) and bad mania (dysphoric) is hard. But… this is how I changed my life and found more stability. I let go of the idea that it was ok to have euphoric mania. The whole idea of, “At least I get things done!” caused a lot of damage. Now, when I feel euphoric, I move into treatment mode in exactly the same way as I do when dysphoric.
Reality #2 Euphoric Mania and Dysphoric Mania are Equally Dangerous
A general note: People with bipolar two have hypomania that can be euphoric or dysphoric. People with bipolar one have hypomania and full blown mania that can be euphoric or dysphoric. Studies show that 70% of people with full blown mania experience psychosis at the same time. Ye gads!
Myth #3 Mania Goes Away on Its Own
How long mania lasts depends on two things:
A) The natural brain chemistry of the person who is manic ….
and
B) The outside triggers than prolong mania.
Please note that I’m talking about non medicated mania.
A1) Many people let mania run its course. They either love it so much they consciously decide to let it roll or there is such a lack of insight a mania tornado happening in their own home goes unnoticed. ( Example: “You are the one with the problem. Not me!” ETC. )
Mania can last off and on for years. My past hypomanias lasted three or more months and each time my entire world turned upside down due to my manic choices. They always involved men.
We can learn how long our manias last naturally, but wow, it’s often a ticking time bomb if we just let them play out without trying to get better.
B1) Mania also leads people to binge on the triggers that prolong mania. Triggers such as drinking, drugs, unprotected sex, travel, lack of sleep, change in routine, quitting a job, taking on a new job, making huge, non thought out decisions, stopping medications, getting married, leaving a partner, getting in a fight, going to jail, etc., etc. (How did I live through this for so many years!)
How did I find this racing brain and self obsession fun? How did I give into it for all of those years? I’m thinking of creative things but can’t really execute. I’m embarrassed at the speediness of my life. I’m embarrassed to be manic. I look like a bag lady sitting here with my New York Times ripped apart so that I can show the articles to my mom. I used to like this mania! It churns in me like I have been implanted with a generator engine in my chest- and my body runs on super juice. Just look at that sentence. The word choice and word order of mania is shocking. Yes, it’s creative, but creativity without focus. It’s creativity with narcissism- creativity without censor is overwhelming. I want out of this. Where is my lithium. ARG.
If a person is manic and decides not to accept treatment for whatever reason, they will continue with triggering behaviors (that are symptoms at the beginning) and make the mania worse. This is why full blown mania rarely goes away very quickly on its own. We self perpetuate our own mania through our manic behaviors! Triggers=symptoms=triggers= you get the idea.
It’s a myth that letting mania run its course is safe. Prevention and medications are the treatment for mania. Sorry. I wish I had a better answer. My last mania started after a recent trip to Europe.
I felt it quickly and forced myself to avoid triggers and to take my mania meds. Heck no, I didn’t want to do this. And yes, it was hard to make this decision, but I have a Treat Bipolar First plan in place that takes priority in my life. Period.
Reality #3 Mania Often Needs Medications and Always Needs Trigger Management
A general note: Mania and depression are symptoms. One is not different from the other. Both signal illness in my book.
It’s extremely unfair that people with bipolar disorder have to take medications when they feel TOO good. That sucks. It’s not cool that coming out of a depression and going into a euphoric mania isn’t a good thing when it feels so incredible. It’s natural we want to end uncomfortable dysphoric episodes, but cling to the euphoric mania especially after a depression. I want to change how we look at mania. To explode the myth that depression is bad and mania is good. To help us find true stability that is defined by life without depression or mania.
I have a radical question to propose:
I ask this of the people who love a person with bipolar disorder who loves mania more than they love stability.
I ask this of you, if you have bipolar disorder and often seek more help for depression than
mania.
I ask this of myself daily, in order to stay stable.
What if all mania, no matter how a person feels is seen as just as dangerous as suicidal depression?
