“Are you manic Julie?” said my friend Marsha when I just talked to her on the phone.
Gosh darn it! I hate that question! (I used stronger language than gosh darn it!)She then said, “I’m sorry Julie. I always feel like I’m the one with the bad news.”
I said, “Well, you’re using the Health Cards and being honest with me. I often need that if I’m mildly manic. I just don’t know if I am though. Maybe I’m just excited because my hands are better and I can finally write again?”I know that the above answer to her “are you manic” question- means I’m hypomanic. I ALWAYS try to justify the mania. Maybe it’s just the real me! Maybe it’s just that it’s sunny outside. Maybe it’s not what it seems!
It’s always what it seems. I know that if more than one person thinks I’m manic- I’m manic. It’s not excitement that causes it. It’s bipolar disorder. In other words, if I’m excited and feel like having a beer in the afternoon and staying up all night with the wrong people, it’s mania. I rarely drink outside of mania.
Excitement is contained. It is a response to something. The kind of excitement I feel when I’m manic is so beyond what non bipolar people feel. And I have to remember that and respect it when the people in my life point it out.
$%#$%#
Darn it.
Unfair.
It feels so good when compared to the terrible depression I often have.
No fair!
Do you have a mania plan? I know that mine keeps my relationships, bank account, drinking and decisions under control.
Thank you Marsha
Julie
Gosh Julie, I am amazed and glad that you are able to get this excitement into perspective and under control. I know you work so very hard to stay level. The help of your trusted friends and family is invaluable. I see how your Health Cards play their important part and help to highlight that things aren’t quite right. I’m in awe of your determination and your honesty in sharing your ups and downs with this illness. Thanks Julie. You have taught me so much.
Excitement triggers my mania…. Positive changes in my life, reconnecting with an old friend, family gatherings… I feel like I have to avoid all that is good to keep my mania from being triggered.