That is only partly a joking question. I know that my mania is just as dangerous as my depression. But why can’t I at least have as much hypomania as depression! If a psych read this they would remind me that what goes up must come down. In fact, I write that in all of my books- but I don’t know one person who doesn’t love euphoric hypomania in the beginning and middle stages. When it hits the third stage it’s awful- as is the bad crash that inevitably follows. But I still wish I could have it more- just without the downside. It’s sort of like being able to live on sweets without ever getting fat!
I manage my hypomania just as diligently as I manage the depression. I know how serious it is- but when I’m depressed as I am today- I wish it would just show up for a few hours so that I can get a lot done without my brain telling me how pointless my life is and there’s no point to even work!
Just keepin it real here!
Julie
PS: If you’re new to this blog, there is a mania tab on the right that explains the difference between bipolar I and Bipolar II. Bipolar I has full blown mania and bipolar II – which is what I have- has hypomania.
What if you’ve had full blown mania AND hypomania mixed with depression for years? How do you know if you have been diagnosed correctly?
Ah!! I know the joy of the hypomania… i want to go off my meds so I can be cheerful… happy… they said I can go off my meds… they can’t stop me but they predict I will end up in hospital in a few months… i told them I wouldn’t … the thing i don’t understand is how I can still have some hypomania… or an upswing while on the meds… then a couple weeks later I am down and sleeping excessively.. just waiting for me to get cheerful again… i like your blog… happy hypomania to you…
Hi Cate,
It’s too bad it’s such a dangerous dance! I don’t suggest going off meds- even though I would love to take anything to get rid of this depression! Mania is usually a lot shorter than the depression that follows. I just want to find a baseline and stay there! Then I can create my own stable excitment. Anyone would want euphoric mania over depression- but then anyone would want a happy drug over one that made you depressed! If your HCP says you will get so manic you’re go into the hospital, they are probably right. I wouldn’t chance it. I hate it when I have to tell my mom or friends that I’m manic. I just want to enjoy it, but it never lasts. It’s normal to go up and down- you have rapid cycling if that happens. Anti depressants exacerbate this. I have it really badly- up to five mood swings a day when it’s in full swing! It’s all so complicated. What an illness- it shows us heaven and then puts us in hell. That’s the best way to describe it. Please do stay on your meds- we can both keep trying to find happiness on the baseline! Julie
i love my mania. i am on top of the world. i feel like a super hero, thats how good/bad it gets. its rather amazing.
Hi Danielle,
There have been a few days this year that I have prayed for mania very fervently- but oh well. It has never solved anything long term has it! Julie
Hi Guys, Most mania starts out as hypomania- with bipolar I it just keeps going! My hypomania hits a point and just stays there until I crash- with full blown mania, unless there are meds- it is so out of control a person usually goes to the hospital or unfortunately, jail.
This is why I tell people- know the first signs of mania- then you can prevent full blown mania.
Julie