Bipolar Disorder?
Ha. ha. ha.
I haven’t been stable for days. It’s up and down all day long. You would think that after 15 years I would at least be used to it. I’m not- I’m resigned to it and I definitely know how to deal with it- but I’ll never get used to it. I am not sure that’s possible. Let’s put it this way- I live with it. It’s all you can do.
I have a dear friend in town. I was upset because I wanted to see her and she had other obligations. I felt like a needy, whiny friend- but I kept it to myself as she is so dear to me and I know she cares about me. Of course, she did have time planned to be with me. And then after we had spent part of the day together- which was great! I felt overwhelmed and had to leave. It’s so freaking stupid. Then I felt guilty for being over stimulated. Of course she totally understood and I will see her tomorrow.
Lesson learned: For the great majority of time, I am very wrong when I assume what others are thinking. I get lonely and think that no one cares about me- which is ridiculous. I know I will have to be alone quite often- and I have to deal with it.
And finally, I’ve learned to absolutely not bring up my worries and feelings and hurts until I know the whole situation- my reaction is usually bipolar disorder blowing things way out of porportion. Instead of saying- why aren’t you paying attention to me? I waited and realized she planned to see me all along.
I hate what bipolar disorder does to my mind- I hate what it does to my emotions- but I now know how to control it enough to make sure my relationships stay strong.
Julie
Hi Julie
Well done for keeping your emotions in check. I know how difficult it is to do. Sometimes i feel physically exhausted from times like that.
I am struggling at the moment to come to terms with the fact that feelings like that are not going to go away and that the best you can do is control your behaviour. Is there a way to help stop these feelings rising up to the point of having to fight to control behaviour. Sometimes it feels like a never ending task
Jo
JUST READ your article on work. You do not mention disability for people with bipolar. Talk about feeling guilty.. Do you know of many people who are on disability and can’t work? I’ve found that having the stress of working off me has been beneficial. Less mood instability, more resilience. Helen
Hi Helen,
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT! I didn’t cover disability. I have written about it in the past, but probably not enough. I was close to disability when I discovered ebooks and started selling mine on the internet. I had a partner who supported me when I was first diagnosed. Many friends of mine are on disability.
I see it as a step many people need to take as they work on getting more stable- or as a way to support themselves in the long term. I have one friend who has been on disability for 15 years and he truly needs it. Work is extremely stressful for people with bipolar disorder. My goal is to become finanically independent so that I don’t HAVE to work. I would say that work is my biggest trigger these days. I will address this issue on a podcast.
Thank you for bringing it up. There is absolutely nothing to be guilty about when you’re on disability. Julie
Hi: I have two conditions Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Depression. I went to the hospital last night and got home in the early morning hours. I have eaten once today and am not interested in eating anything else today. Has anyone else experienced the same thing and if so what else did you do to help yourself, especially when you feel like no one else cares or that you are lonely?