I’ve been stable for a week. This is a miracle for me as I usually have a mood swing every day.
My mind kept saying, “You will never get depressed again Julie! It’s gone forever!”
Almost 30 years of depression and my mind still doesn’t get it! I am open to being well forever. It’s always my goal- but so far, the depression always comes back.
I was ready for it in my mind, but when it starts I’m always so mad, mad, MAD!
The past week has been so wonderful. It wasn’t mania and my mind wasn’t mean to me. I worked as much as I could. I truly like my work, especially the family and partner coaching. It has meaning for me.
But this morning the big D was back full force. I woke up at 4:00 AM and it started.
“What is the point of getting up Julie? Every day is the same. Work for money- that isn’t worth it. No hope for the future. Things are the same as always. There is no point in getting up. You’re lonely.”
It’s such a pervasive feeling. It’s soaks up all of my cells.
I knew my management skills had to kick in. I called up my inner drill sargeant. “Get out of bed Julie! Don’t listen.” I jumped up. In the bath I said, “No wallowing in misery Julie! Get out of the bath and get dressed!”
It propelled me into getting ready to go to work. I’m at my office for the day now. Starbucks 🙂
And I’m working. The depression is better. I kicked it out of my body through action!
Julie
Thanks for sharing Julie! I like to read your thought process. It helps me to develop one for myself to motivate on those toughest days.
Sorry to hear! But also good and comforting to know that even you after 30 years have your days. Its a daily trial.